Wednesday, October 9, 2013

But before I homework, a little analysis

This has been brought up by talking with Vince today about my eternal frustration with cute guys, or more specifically, the cute guy in the apartment below. (I would take away his nickname, but shit, an orchid is a pretty flower and he is a pretty boy, so it fits) (maybe that's how I came up the nickname maybe it isn't THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW). She pointed out that it kind of sounds like I only really like Orchid because he is cute (shit guys he is adorable it is frustrating), and she kind of has a point. I mean, he seems like a decent person, unlike butthead from 7th grade (yes, butthead). Freckles said "he seems mean" but I don't think he is. He's just shy, I guess.
So I've decided that... well, I guess I can appreciate his adorableness, because he's hella cute, but I will do so in a way that is like the way I appreciate other cute guys I see on campus, and holy shit they are everywhere. But the point is, I don't know any of them, so I can't really claim to like them.
Then I told her about the guy who's in my bio 108 class who talks to me sometimes when we're both downstairs for a meal at the same time, and how it's much easier to talk to him and how he actually, y'know, acknowledges my presence. I mean, yes, he's nice, and easy to talk to, but I'm not attracted to him. Same thing with Grag. I really appreciate it when guys put some effort into their appearance- I mean like obviously everyone has hoodie days, and some people are more comfortable living in hoodies, and that's fine and dandy, but it's not what I'm attracted to. I don't think people should dress in a way that I deem appropriate, but when guys do put effort into their appearance it is nice. I mean, I put effort into my appearance, excepting hoodie days, so I don't think it's unfair to expect people to do that in order for me to be attracted to them.
And that's the problem again. Grag is super nice, and he's easy to talk to, and he makes philosophy a lot less boring, but I'm not attracted to him.
And then I reflected on my past. I have had many, many hopeless crushes in the past, but I think I really boil any romantic history I have down to two: 7th grade, and my relationship with Nerd.
In 7th grade, I remember exactly how I made the decision to like asshole mcbuttface, and it was not a good or rational decision making process at all. And the fact that I have to tell people about things made it worse, because he and his asshole mcbuttface friends decided that it would be fun to pick on me and try and make me miserable because I was this short little girl who looked like she was 8, got some of the best grades in the class, and had dared to have a crush on someone she thought was cute. That crush sustained through a lot of stuff it should not have sustained through and was just a giant horribly bad idea.
9th grade was very different. Nerd and I became friends first, and over time as groups of friends changed, we began to hang out more and more, and I grew to like him because he was nice to me, because I had fun when I was around him, and honestly, because there were some signs there that he liked me as well. That turned out... well, not-so-great, but it was a learning experience. I mean, I don't know if it was for him, but it was for me because I decided even though things didn't go so well I at least ought to get something out of it. As time went by I began to see more and more of what I had done wrong or could have done better, and now I know and can do better the next time I have a romantic relationship, and I also know what I expect out of someone for next time as well. He did things wrong, too, and I'm not going to say who did more wrong because really that doesn't accomplish much and also I'm probably a bit biased. Initially I blamed 99% of everything on him, and some of that didn't change... actually most of it didn't. I just came to realize I had done some of the things I blamed him for, too. Thankfully we were both mature enough about it to put it behind us and move on.

So based on these two incidences, I would say that liking Orchid is a very, very bad idea. Maybe if I get to know him better in the future. Until then, I will have to wait and see how my other new relationships turn out. Who knows, maybe we will become friends. I honestly don't think he's a shitty person, but I don't know that.
Either way, he's fun to talk to when he's drunk, so there's that. Actually a lot of drunk people are fun to talk to, as long as they don't overstep their boundaries.

In the meantime, I have homework to do and I get to go home on Friday. I GET TO SEE MY PUPPY! AND MY FAMILY! AND I GET TO JUST BE IN THE HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS AND SLEEP IN MY OWN BED AND WEAR PAJAMAS FOREVER! AND HOPEFULLY SEE ARTIFEX! Exciting stuff.

yer pal,
swegan :)

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