Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I am so mad about sex in the media

Like oh my god it is so inaccurate and wrong!

This is mostly talking about movies/TV shows with teenagers or young adults in them, that sort of age. Sex inevitably comes up in most of them, and I suppose the portrayal is accurate in that that's what happens most of the time. And then there's all this confusion muddled up in "do I wait?" and shit like I just have so many things I want to scream at the characters every time this gets brought up on a show like

1) If you can't have a straightforward conversation about sex, it's probably a bad idea to have sex
2) You are allowed to do it now or wait until you're married, it really doesn't matter. It's up to you.
3) If you're excited about it, looking forward to it, etc, those are probs good signs that you're "ready" or that you'll handle it well
4) It is going to suck the first time. Like a lot. That is normal. It is nobody's fault and I really hate that on a lot of shows relationships end b/c the first time having sex was bad. Like, news flash, if you had waited until your wedding night, it would also have been bad too. Also, it will probably continue to be not-great for a while. Practice makes perfect.
5) THERE ARE OTHER THINGS TO DO. I don't mean like, be totally chaste, I just mean there are other things to do with someone you are sexually attracted to beyond sexual intercourse. There is like this whole range of other activities that are still a lot of fun that are not sex and do not carry with them the same risk of pregnancy (yes, I get this only applies to straight couples. That is my only experience). Furthermore, that is a good way to work up to being comfortable with someone, establishing trust, intimacy, being able to discuss things with them, etc. I say this b/c it bothers me immensely that teenagers in media go from just making out to full-out having sex and there is no in between, which is totally ridiculous and unreasonable. (Pls don't interpret this as having to do other things first, just be aware that this range between complete chastity and sex totally exists and is there to explore).
6) It is probs not a bad idea to know about the other person's anatomy/your own anatomy.
7) Bring. More. Than. One. Condom. Oh. My. God. The first one might break, or you can't get it on right, or the first round sucks and you want to try again after half an hour of doing something else. You never know.
8) Also, just saying- it is not going to be a big painful, bloody mess. If you're going slow and everyone's nice and turned on and especially if there is lube involved, everything should be fine. Slightly uncomfortable and a little "Oh, so that's what that's like" but not painful and messy and bloody. I hate this lie. I mean, maybe there's bleeding for some people, I don't know, but I really don't think that there should be. Vaginas can push babies out. A penis should not do that much damage.

That ends Swegan's Sex Talk. Seriously, I'm just so frustrated. Oh, but one last thing:

9) Pls keep checking up on each other, like ask "how are you doing" periodically or something like that. Just because someone says initially that they're OK with something doesn't mean they'll continue to do so. Also, this means that if you're like "welp I am not wanting to do this anymore" that you should say something. And if someone says stop, stop. Like, completely. That one is a no brainer. And this ties into the communication thing again (#1).

Honestly, I'm starting to think that the most important thing any good relationship has is good communication. If someone doesn't feel comfortable communicating or isn't being listened to, the relationship needs work or is not good.

And like, jesus christ, there is no appropriate period of time after starting a relationship at which you need to have sex. None at all. You can go on the first date, or wait a year. Whatever suits you, and your partner, obviously.

Furthermore, this has to be something you can talk to a doctor/your doctor about, too. Even if you get all embarrassed talking to them about ANYTHING relevant to sex. Doctors are there to help, for srs.

Just... be smart. Pls don't be like the kids in the media who feel all awkward about their first time being bad and blame each other or their connection and who only have one condom and who can't talk about sex or communicate during sex and just... be safe. Do whatever the hell you want with your partner, as long as you both agree and you're being safe.

I know this is pretty high and mighty of me given my limited physical-stuff-in-a-relationship-experience, but I think it works pretty well. IMO, sex should be something fun, something that you look forward to and enjoy, and should never ever make anyone feel uncomfortable.

And hey, it's totally fine to just not want sex in a relationship, or to want the relationship to be JUST sex, or any mix in between.

I feel like all of this is totally "Duh" to me... actually, I kind of hope that it's "duh" to everyone, and that at this point Laci Green has managed to educate a large portion of young adults about safe sex and things of the like (I am once again going to mention that she has a kick ass youtube channel which actually taught me a bunch of stuff that I am kind of relaying to you here, so you should all look it up regardless of whether this post was like "wow really?" for you or "uh, DUH" for you.)

anyway, I'm done. I need to get up early tomorrow.

yer pal,
swegan :)