How do I prepare for a lifetime of this

Hey, sexy, hey, honey, hey, sugar, hey, baby, hey, cutie, what's your name? On my way to my very first job interview, walking with that kind of innocence, you soil me.

You're hot, you're a nice piece of ass, good job to your boyfriend- to my boyfriend: "Good job, good on you, nice property, nice piece of ass." It feels good to win a trophy, but not to be one.

Fuck you, you dumb bitch, you dumb cunt, your comment is cancer, you're illogical irrational emotional stupid stupid stupid girl, stupid little dumb girl, you need help, you need to see someone. Feminism is cancer. This movement you have built yourself in, this community this love this group that validates your pain, that listens to you when you are hurting because people hate you for what you are, is cancer. It's a fast growing mass that ruins everything it touches, and it touches everything.

Nothing is safe for me anymore, I've suffered too. Let me in your space, this is mine too, let me in or else you're selfish and I'll hurt you. You have to include us too in every conversation you have, in every thought that floats through your head, because to do otherwise is transgressive.


And for me? This may be as bad as it gets. There are labels you plaster on them they don't get applied to me, there are facts about my body that help me stay afloat in this world I was born into. And I'm still hurting. I'm still afraid, that's what you've done, you've only ever walked in your own shoes, only ever lived in your own head, only ever existed in the world with a body you use to keep me under the water.

It feels far too exhausting to exist in this body filled with pain, designed to be pain. I feel like my sex was a curse bestowed upon me by chance and a chromosome. And to this child, I give, the gift of eternal suffering, attention from those who wish to do her harm, a body that tears itself apart, a body ripe for abuse. And I cast her into a world filled with people who will not just wish, but will, do her harm, will fail to treat her as one of their own, people who will not listen when she asks for more, people who will tell her she has enough already, people who tell her she is too much by asking for any more.

And when she and people like her, people who have been outed and made to suffer, try to build up a better world, those who hurt them will say, let us in or we will tear this apart, and they know there is little they can do to stop them.







I'm so tired of being a girl. I'm tired of wondering who the next man to catcall me is going to be. I'm tired of wondering when I'll run into the next man to talk to me like an object. I'm tired of my pain being dismissed as fake, or real but not real enough to warrant a cure, or any sympathy, or empathy. It hurts, despite the people who do listen, who do build me up and validate and listen and comfort, the people who try to help me heal. And I'm still privileged. I'm still sitting near the top. This is what it's like near the top.

I am not a victim but vile men make me out to be. They shout things at me that victimize me, and those things don't exist in a vacuum. I cannot pretend real things are fake, and their thoughts, their personalities and the world that allows them to be that way without recompense, is real. If the world is so perfect, why are some people still poison?

Nothing about the abuse of my own sex even surprises me anymore, there's no more emotion in my responses, no matter how deep the horrors. I feel as if I have read all the stories there are to be told about the things I should be afraid of.

Catcalls aren't just comments, they're ways of saying "I noticed you, I like you, and you have no way of knowing how well I handle your response, whatever it may be." There is no correct response, and it feels like a nightmare to live in a world where people just like me are victims of crimes that take advantage of the bodies they have and they receive no justice for it, only further violence by a society that refuses to believe monsters like their abusers exist in their own ranks. In that dynamic, of girl and abuser, the lesson learned is always that nobody will believe me, and the abuser gets away with it. And I'm ridiculous for being afraid of the man who harrassed me until I gave him $80 when I was walking alone in the dark on my way to school? And I'm ridiculous for being afraid of the man who said "Hey, cutie, what's your name?" To me on the way to my job interview? I'm ridiculous for being afraid of the man who pulled over in his car after he stopped for me when I was on my bike at a stop sign and I pointed at that stop sign angrily, that man who felt the need to confront me to say "I was just trying to be nice" and made me yell at him that he wasn't driving safely? I'm ridiculous for being afraid of the man who told my boyfriend, in earshot of me, from the back of a taxi cab, "Your girlfriend's hot"? No. I am not some stupid girl making up sympathy sob stories, I am a girl raised to be on her guard for the incident that sets off more abuse. I have been raised with horror stories that once you are abused, you must spend the rest of your lifetime trying to cope with the fact that you received abuse and not justice after the fact. Fuck you. You don't know the fear I live in every day for existing in public like this.

And you don't know their fear. People have been killed for being like me, but not white, but not cis, but not able bodied, but not able minded, but not what girls typically look like. I am not naive enough to think I have it the worst of all. I am not naive enough to think I am not shielded from some of the world's abuse. And I should not be thankful for that, I should be angry- how dare you treat me better than them? How dare you treat me- treat any of us- different from someone like you?



I'm not here to debate this. I'm not offering up an argument on my lived experiences. I know how they have gone, I know my own story, thank you very much. The comments on this, though I know they will likely remain empty, are not open for debate about whether or not I should be afraid, about whether or not I am smart, about how cringey this entire post is. I know it's bad art, it's clumsy poetry. I never claimed to be an artist; if you don't like what you see, you can leave.

Furthermore, this comment section is not for the issues and the plights of men. This is not your space. Your troubles and concerns are not welcome here. Do not act so entitled as to deserve that like you do with ever other female-created safe space on the internet. I have said this so many times I feel like a robot. This space is not for you. Do not be entitled. Do not be selfish. If you don't like me, if you don't like what I have to say, leave. Nobody is making you stay here.

-swegan

Names

When I was about 7 or 8 (as far as I can remember), I wondered why, just because I was a girl, I would have to change my name if I got married someday. I wasn't really set up to critique yet that maybe I wouldn't get married, maybe I'd like girls, etc, but I did latch onto that one point. Why did I have to change my name? It seemed so arbitrary. And yet it was all around me, within my own family, within the families of everyone I knew. And I decided, probably when I was about 9, that I would keep my name forever. I didn't bother thinking about the logistics, I just vowed to do it.

To this day, I'm still pretty dead set on that promise.

I mean, we all know where this came from, right? When women were property, they'd change their name once they changed families and the "ownership" changed. Having the father's name was a way to prove that those children were his and not another man's. And this is still around because...? I'd like to think people don't care about that as much now, and furthermore, women haven't been property for a long-ass time now. So why does this continue? Just because? It seems harmless enough, I guess, but it pisses me off.

Furthermore, why is it so revolutionary that someone should take my name? Just because I have a vagina? It's ridiculous. And, this is the one that really gets me- if women do all (yes, all, if you disagree with me here you can literally go to hell) the hard work of childbearing and giving birth, why the everliving FUCK don't their children at least get the chance to have their mother's name? If I'm gonna go through hell, possibly risk my own life, to bring these children into the world, you bet your ass they're going to have my last name. If you disagree? I'm not having children with you. The end.

But. But. I know that hoping for someone to take my last name and agree that our children should have my name is never going to happen, and it pisses me off so much. It's like being tied to a chair. I can't do anything about it. Any of the boys I come into contact with will have been raised with the expectation that they'll never have to give up their identity, and they won't part lightly with that (and I can't blame them, given how little I want to part with mine). They grow up with the knowledge, somewhere in the back of their mind, that someday, should they marry and have kids, those kids and their wife will have their name. And it's such bullshit. Even the nicest boys I meet have never even stopped to second guess this, to think "you know, maybe that's unfair." Which is how privilege works, I guess: when you have it good, you don't want to question it.

There are many, many reasons I dislike being female. The blame for all of them lies in other people (with the exception of periods, which are just unfortunate). This is near the top of the list (along with the idea that I'm more likely to be sexually assaulted, that some people view me as an incubator, and that I'm less likely to be taken seriously, especially when emotional, etc). And that bothers me, because I shouldn't live in a society where I dislike how I was born. And then that gets into a lot of issues with disability that I am definitely not informed enough to talk about, so I'll leave that there.

It just... ugh. I'm not totally naive, I know that I'm never going to get what I want by virtue of living where and when I do. But I still hold out a lot of hope for some kind of compromise, like whomever I marry keeping their name and me keeping mine, or both of us changing to some agreed upon different surname, and then finding some way to compromise in terms of kids. Honestly, I'd still be pretty happy with that- it's still nontraditional and is very balanced. And I'm not willing to be with someone if they aren't willing to compromise with me on that- either I don't change my last name, or we both do. That's it. That's the line. I will not cross it.

As for now, I just got riled up about this for reasons I can't remember, but it's late and I have a midterm in the morning.

yer pal,
swegan.

I'm still not sorry

I did come across very angrily in that post, and that's because the anti-choice group on campus upset me. They brought graphic images onto quad (a central area of campus that is impossible to avoid), which violates the student code in multiple ways, and the university allowed it. To make matters worse- this happened during pride week, thus taking attention away from a really important event. So there was a counter-protest, and it was full of positivity, pride flags, and "I support you" posters. We even had some anti-choicers &/or christians in the group because they thought the graphic display was THAT inappropriate. And it was, and the president of the group cried about how we were engaging in a criminal act- which, we absolutely were not. This group has tried to make themselves into innocent victims all year and the students are just having none of it and it makes me SO PROUD.

This group has, to date,
1) Used LGBT terminology to push their message (prompting messages that said using that terminology to block access to medical care wasn't okay)
2) Put inflammatory messages ("I REGRET MY ABORTION: abortion does hurt women" instead of, you know, abortion CAN hurt women, because yeah, they can regret it, especially if the anti-choice people around them try to make them feel guilty....) on their posters
3) Violated the poster guidelines by
a) putting more than one poster per event on each board, and
b) posting on private boards (e.g. some in biosci which are for the use of people working there ONLY)
4) Violated the student code of conduct by
a) disseminating malicious material (posters, as well as pamphlets which said "pro choice" and "reproductive justice" on the front and were then full of those horrible fake abortion images on the inside-- no trigger warnings for those!)
b) creating an unsafe space (discriminating against women who have had an abortion, are considering one, or who have miscarried, or people who are just sensitive to gore) (not to mention the pride parade went THROUGH quad, so if not for the counter protest, the parade (which has children in it) would have had to see those images)

The group is saying that we are obstructing their right to free speech. We say no, we had every right to be there, as much as they did. As for being inflammatory ourselves, you want to know what my sign said? It said "I SUPPORT YOU" with hearts on it, along with a pride flag with the words "HAPPY PRIDE WEEK" below it. Intimidating and scary, I know.
The other thing this group is complaining about is that "people need to confront the truth" and then they proceed to put up images of what abortion doesn't look like. You can't force people to confront difficult issues- you can't. Furthermore, you can't create an unsafe work/study environment that prevents the full participation of everyone by placing gory, triggering images in the most central area of school.
Also, if they want to "confront the truth" in this manner, I could bring in some pictures of perforated uteruses for them to look at, because that's what happens when you criminalize abortion.

Things I do not like that the pro-choice group has done
1) Tore down the posters

Things I like that the pro-choice group has done
1) Put up response posters next to all the anti-choice ones (a MUCH better idea IMO)
2) Protested to make campus a safe space for all
3) Allowed the pride parade to proceed through quad safely
4) Warned people about the misleading pamphlets
5) Written the dean in vast numbers to complain that this display is a total violation of the student code of conduct
6) Showed that our campus is one of support, choice, and CORRECT sexual health information that will allow women to make whatever choice about their bodies they feel is best- whether that is abortion, adoption, or parenthood, all of which are equally acceptable and OK

To be clear: this group has every right to exist on campus, as much as that bothers me. They can have their events, have meetings, discuss this issue if they want. That's great. But the difference between their other events and this one is that this one required a trigger warning, which should kind of mean that the display shouldn't be public in the first place if I'm not mistaken.

But what really pisses me off is the university administration's response. They've been totally useless chickenshits and I am beyond disappointed with them for not telling this group to do one of the following:
1) Have their event, but without graphic images and harassing slogans
2) Have their event, but in a tent or classroom where people can consent to seeing the images
3) Most importantly, MOVE THE EVENT SO IT ISN'T DURING PRIDE WEEK. They said they just "didn't know" despite the fact that pride week is the same week every year and a fairly well advertised event on campus... I'm gonna call bullshit on that one.

And at the end of the day, what matters is that every woman can make the choice for herself. Any anti-choice/pro-life woman facing an unwanted pregnancy should feel like she can get help raising the child (childcare! housing! help out of abuse situations!) or feel like giving it up for adoption truly will mean a better life for that child. I absolutely support the right of women to have their children and raise them or give them up for adoption. These are both great choices! But so is abortion, for some women. Some women have issues that mean pregnancy would be incredibly dangerous- even more so than pregnancy already is (pregnancy is seriously incredibly dangerous, don't even get me started on childbirth), and sometimes, things happen that mean the fetus wouldn't survive long outside the womb or the woman won't survive the pregnancy (ectopic pregnancy, for example). Because of these examples and the simple fact of bodily autonomy and control (we don't FORCE people to donate blood or organs, even after they are DEAD), abortion needs to be safe and legal, regardless of whether you would choose it for yourself or not. At the end of the day, it is not your place to make decisions about anyone's body except your own. Your body belongs to you, but only your body.

All in all: I'm not sorry for having the opinion I do, even though it might put me at risk since anti-choice groups have been known to murder people before, despite calling themselves pro-"life." I think my opinion is well supported by facts and evidence, as well as on philosophical and moral grounds. I am pro choice, and proudly so. Women should have choices and be supported no matter what choice they make, and nobody should be pregnant when they don't want to be.

yer pal,
swegan.

Anti choicers: please pull your heads out of your asses

No, I'm not sorry.

These people have been crying about free speech ever since they arrived on my campus and I am beyond disgusted. Acting like this debate needs to be reopened is like saying criminalizing abortion is a valid opinion to consider. It fucking isn't. Get OVER it already, oh my GOD.

I don't CARE that you feel like fetuses=children, that you all worship the fetus over all others, ESPECIALLY women, I don't CARE. Criminalizing abortion leads to dead women. Did you not hear that? CRIMINALIZING ABORTION LEADS TO DEAD WOMEN. CRIMINALIZING ABORTION LEADS TO DEAD WOMEN. If you think your pathetic, immoral pleas are going to stop women from getting abortions any way they can, you are beyond naive. You are literally the stupidest.

I am done acting like these people have any validity or right to their opinion that abortion is a criminal act. It isn't. If you don't like that, go cry me a fucking river, but there isn't anything you can do about it.

And furthermore, get the FUCK off my campus with your misogynistic guilt-shaming bullshit. In case you couldn't tell, the posters getting ripped down were a clear sign that your BS is not welcome here.

Leave.

And take your sexism with you.

-Swegan

I am so mad about sex in the media

Like oh my god it is so inaccurate and wrong!

This is mostly talking about movies/TV shows with teenagers or young adults in them, that sort of age. Sex inevitably comes up in most of them, and I suppose the portrayal is accurate in that that's what happens most of the time. And then there's all this confusion muddled up in "do I wait?" and shit like I just have so many things I want to scream at the characters every time this gets brought up on a show like

1) If you can't have a straightforward conversation about sex, it's probably a bad idea to have sex
2) You are allowed to do it now or wait until you're married, it really doesn't matter. It's up to you.
3) If you're excited about it, looking forward to it, etc, those are probs good signs that you're "ready" or that you'll handle it well
4) It is going to suck the first time. Like a lot. That is normal. It is nobody's fault and I really hate that on a lot of shows relationships end b/c the first time having sex was bad. Like, news flash, if you had waited until your wedding night, it would also have been bad too. Also, it will probably continue to be not-great for a while. Practice makes perfect.
5) THERE ARE OTHER THINGS TO DO. I don't mean like, be totally chaste, I just mean there are other things to do with someone you are sexually attracted to beyond sexual intercourse. There is like this whole range of other activities that are still a lot of fun that are not sex and do not carry with them the same risk of pregnancy (yes, I get this only applies to straight couples. That is my only experience). Furthermore, that is a good way to work up to being comfortable with someone, establishing trust, intimacy, being able to discuss things with them, etc. I say this b/c it bothers me immensely that teenagers in media go from just making out to full-out having sex and there is no in between, which is totally ridiculous and unreasonable. (Pls don't interpret this as having to do other things first, just be aware that this range between complete chastity and sex totally exists and is there to explore).
6) It is probs not a bad idea to know about the other person's anatomy/your own anatomy.
7) Bring. More. Than. One. Condom. Oh. My. God. The first one might break, or you can't get it on right, or the first round sucks and you want to try again after half an hour of doing something else. You never know.
8) Also, just saying- it is not going to be a big painful, bloody mess. If you're going slow and everyone's nice and turned on and especially if there is lube involved, everything should be fine. Slightly uncomfortable and a little "Oh, so that's what that's like" but not painful and messy and bloody. I hate this lie. I mean, maybe there's bleeding for some people, I don't know, but I really don't think that there should be. Vaginas can push babies out. A penis should not do that much damage.

That ends Swegan's Sex Talk. Seriously, I'm just so frustrated. Oh, but one last thing:

9) Pls keep checking up on each other, like ask "how are you doing" periodically or something like that. Just because someone says initially that they're OK with something doesn't mean they'll continue to do so. Also, this means that if you're like "welp I am not wanting to do this anymore" that you should say something. And if someone says stop, stop. Like, completely. That one is a no brainer. And this ties into the communication thing again (#1).

Honestly, I'm starting to think that the most important thing any good relationship has is good communication. If someone doesn't feel comfortable communicating or isn't being listened to, the relationship needs work or is not good.

And like, jesus christ, there is no appropriate period of time after starting a relationship at which you need to have sex. None at all. You can go on the first date, or wait a year. Whatever suits you, and your partner, obviously.

Furthermore, this has to be something you can talk to a doctor/your doctor about, too. Even if you get all embarrassed talking to them about ANYTHING relevant to sex. Doctors are there to help, for srs.

Just... be smart. Pls don't be like the kids in the media who feel all awkward about their first time being bad and blame each other or their connection and who only have one condom and who can't talk about sex or communicate during sex and just... be safe. Do whatever the hell you want with your partner, as long as you both agree and you're being safe.

I know this is pretty high and mighty of me given my limited physical-stuff-in-a-relationship-experience, but I think it works pretty well. IMO, sex should be something fun, something that you look forward to and enjoy, and should never ever make anyone feel uncomfortable.

And hey, it's totally fine to just not want sex in a relationship, or to want the relationship to be JUST sex, or any mix in between.

I feel like all of this is totally "Duh" to me... actually, I kind of hope that it's "duh" to everyone, and that at this point Laci Green has managed to educate a large portion of young adults about safe sex and things of the like (I am once again going to mention that she has a kick ass youtube channel which actually taught me a bunch of stuff that I am kind of relaying to you here, so you should all look it up regardless of whether this post was like "wow really?" for you or "uh, DUH" for you.)

anyway, I'm done. I need to get up early tomorrow.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Men and Feminism

Get ready for another boring post, y'all

SO. I want men to have a piece of the gender equality pie, too. BUT. I have an issue with the way Men+Feminism gets brought up.

First off, I would like to state that making a statement- a tweet, an essay, a big ugly tumblr post- that talks about the issues faced by women and girls does not immediately imply that the poster does not care about the way gender norms and expectations affect men. I don't understand why this is, but I can't care about women in STEM fields anymore without being a horrible bigot because "what about men?" well, I don't know. Issues like women in STEM are personal to me, being a woman in STEM myself (who, thankfully, has faced almost none of those problems- so that clearly indicates progress!), so I'm more likely to care about them in a vocal way.

The issue is that this doesn't imply I don't care about men being underrepresented in other fields, like nursing or education (unless I'm backwards on those; I'm working with stereotypes here. Pls let me know if I'm wrong), but it does imply that I care about women being underrepresented in STEM fields (Altho- if I'm not wrong, it's mostly chemistry, math/stats, computer science, and physics that are missing a lot of women, while fields like psych, bio, and medical sciences are more equal at this point).

The same thing goes for caring about something like sexual assault against women or catcalls. Those are problems that women face every day, most often at the hands of men. Does this mean I think all men are evil? If you think that's what I imply by caring about those things, you've colossally missed the point.

Overall, the issue seems to be that unless your statement includes all the people in the world ever, you're apparently discriminating against someone. Heaven forbid that I should make a statement exclusively about the issues of women and girls. Heaven forbid I don't include men for 5 seconds. Really? It's ridiculous.

The same goes for those young feminists who try to use feminism as a way to give them a victim complex so that they don't have to be responsible for anything: people can talk about the issues men face re: gender equality without mentioning women. However, I've found that the opposite problem is true more often, but guess what? I'm stating this here both because it's true AND because if I fail to mention it, I'm a horrible misandrist feminazi!!

I'm not sorry for the exaggeration. I'm really getting tired of this shit.

I have also been told that western feminism focusing on western problems instead of the problems faced by women elsewhere in the world is super lame, like "oh we don't have real problems, they have real problems." For that, I offer the following:
1) I agree that the work of non-western feminist activists should be talked about, and their voices amplified. That's important work, and they deserve to be heard.
2) I am not an expert on the problems women face in other parts of the world. I don't want to pretend that I am by offering solutions or advice to people from other parts of the world.
3) It is not my place to go and "save the poor oppressed women" in other parts of the world. That makes me a white savior, and trust me, that is not a good thing. My job is to listen to the women and men there that are helping to improve the lives of women, to offer help when I am asked and when I can help, and to share their stories and activist work.
4) No matter how much I learn about what the life of women in other countries is like, I will never be an expert. It is not my place to have an opinion on how to solve problems women face elsewhere. Like I said, it is my job to support women there who are doing that work, and to pay attention to it. I do agree that in the western world, we often get blinded by what's going on here so we don't see what's happening elsewhere. I agree that that needs to change.
5) This isn't to say that all women not in North America are suffering, either. The statement of "We must make everywhere else like the western world, where women have it soooo good!" is again, indicative of the whole white savior thing.

This is why I focus on the problems faced by western women. Yes, those still exist- and not just common "people" problems, but problems based on gender.

"But don't you care that men face problems too??!??!"

Did you even read the post??? Of course I fucking do. I have lots of men in my life whom I love deeply, and I want them to get a piece of the gender equality pie, same as me.

Overall: I think the "YOU FORGOT ABOUT MEN" is a way to shut down important discussions of the problems of women and girls by accusing them of not including everyone ever in the world. Wow, sorry my statement wasn't universal enough for you.


It's like caring about one endangered species. It doesn't automatically mean that I think other endangered species aren't important, and I don't have to talk about every single endangered species in the world every single time I say something.

yer pal,
swegan

What I hear when people say "I'm a humanist/egalitarian, not a feminist"

"I am willing to totally throw out all that feminism and its proponents have fought for over the last couple centuries because instead of continuing to work within the movement as it stands to make it better and challenge those who use it to fuel a weird victim-biased agenda, I would rather take the easy way out and start a new movement based on the exact same things that feminism stands for, further making it look like feminism DOESN'T stand for those things even though it has all along."

To me, choosing this path is cowardly and disrespectful. Of course feminism has issues. It always has. It's likely it always will. But feminism has accomplished a lot of good, too, and to just leave the movement behind to me looks like throwing it in the dirt. People who say these things to me show that they aren't willing to put in the hard work of letting people know that feminism is about equality, but would rather just start a new movement from scratch that has accomplished literally nothing ...

To me, it's like feminism fought battles, and now people are refusing to honour their war dead. Step your game the fuck up, put on your analyzing hats, and get it through your fucking heads that feminism is about equality and always has been, oh my fucking god how many more times do I need to say this????

Yes, over the last century, it has focused on women's rights, because when feminism began to get popular, women weren't even people. Heck, I'm sure there's still parts of the world where they aren't. But I'm sure if we can recognize that women can be sexist and contribute to oppressive practices too, we can expand to discuss men's issues (so long as they are not rude, unnecessary interruptions of discussions of women's issues, which are just as valid and important). Feminism has already become way more intersectional than it used to be, in the days when feminism was kind of completely about upper class white women (who occasionally did make issues of working women's rights and the rights of immigrant women, see for example Nelly McClung (YES she was crazy into eugenics, and that is an unfortunate part of her legacy, but it doesn't cancel out the good that she accomplished. People aren't all good or all bad)).

I am sticking with feminism because I can see all that it has done for me, and this is my way of paying my respect. I'm not going to desert a movement that got me the right to vote, own property, and obtain a divorce. I'm one of the young generation now. I feel it is partly my responsibility to make the world a better place. I also feel like all the feminists who are now aging have to pass on the torch. It is now our responsibility to make feminism better, and yes, it is a lot of fucking hard work and trying to use logic and reason to be heard above the extremists... and now, too, above the people who aren't willing to be a feminist even though they still spout feminist ideals and have feminist mindsets.

And to anybody who tells me "you're just using emotion to sell this cause and make it seem noble" why yes, yes I am. Good job picking up on that. That was exactly my goal. Feminist goals are noble to me. I'm glad you got that.

yer pal,
swegan

Feminism, definition, and criticism

I think I'm finally getting the hang of being on tumblr.

A lot of the time, I feel afraid to criticize anyone. People who claim to be feminist who are radical, especially, since those people are the types who pull the victim card, argue that you're triggering and oppressing them (I may be a member of an oppressive class to them, sure, but sometimes that seems really irrelevant, like being a member of an oppressed class doesn't free you from fucking up or make you immune to criticism). But I also feel afraid to criticize those who say things like "We don't need feminism anymore" or that feminism has turned into a hate movement- the same people who complain about "not all men" (which perhaps may be valid, perhaps feminists need to clarify that statement a little more) but then turn around and point out the actions of extremist feminists and act like those actions of an extremist few mean the movement as a whole is bunk and ridiculous.

I've got news for those people: feminism comes from a history fraught with racist and classist issues, not to mention a shitton of eugenics, holy fucking crap. Eugenics EVERYWHERE. And obviously not all of those issues are gone.

My issue with feminist criticism is ... well, actually, I have no issue with valid, logical criticism of feminism (especially when coupled with suggestions for how feminism could improve!) but I find that most of these (this is just in my experience) come from people who already identify as feminist and have for a long time and who place great value in the movement. To me, those people want to see feminism change for the better, to make it more valuable and relevant. People who actively claim not to be feminists who criticize the movement to me don't have the same aim. Why would they be interested in making feminism better if they're not a part of it anyway? To me, saying "I'm not a feminist" and then critiquing feminism means your aim must be to destroy it, to obliterate it, to say "anything good it accomplished was in the past" and move on to some other movement (that probably has the exact same goals anyway).

And I can acknowledge that receiving or even making critique of a field you love and support and care about deeply can be really, really hard. Because to you, this movement is great and wonderful and of course you don't want to admit that some part of it might be wrong! But I think it's important that feminism critiques itself (mainly the ways in which it is presented) in order to change and improve.

This is frustrating because it's so hard to define feminism. It almost seems like everyone has their own separate definitions- although I think one of gender equality and the expanding of genders beyond the binary is kind of where it's at. I think it tends to focus on women's issues because feminism was a movement borne out of women calling attention to their issues. It was borne of suffrage, of critique of political rights, of a lot of critique of marriage as an institution, etc etc.

And you can't say "feminism doesn't just get to include issues of race too that's not fair" because it's literally impossible for feminism to be valid without it being intersectional. My experience as a woman is likely very coloured by my skin colour and class and many other factors. Different women experience sexism differently, and it's really important to keep that in mind. Without that you often just end up with a bunch of women like myself- white, upper class, heterosexual, able bodied, etc- trying to solve their problems while neglecting the problems that other women face. That's not fair, and that certainly isn't inclusive. Of course feminism focuses mainly on gender issues, but it also acknowledges that issues of race, class, and many others cut through that. Identities are complex.

And I'm getting really tired of people saying feminism doesn't care about men's issues (it does and goddamn that needs to be publicized more), or worse, that feminism caused men's issues. Feminism opposes the same shitty social structures that mean men are incapable of being emotional or caring or sweet or timid, because those same shitty social structures mean that women, no matter what they are, are kind of always laughed at, whether they are emotional, caring, sweet, or timid OR brash, loud, opinionated, and aggressive.

That is also why to me, feminism has the "femin" bit. Because if a man successfully fulfills all his societal duties, and is the perfect replica of all the descriptors we associate with masculinity, then he is socially rewarded. He is a real man, good for him. But if a woman does the same, fulfills her societal duties and is a perfect replica of her descriptors, she's "weak" and "irrational" and "too emotional to ever be in charge of anything" (except running a home and raising children, apparently). If she fulfills all the male characteristics, she's too much- too loud, too opinionated, too career-driven, too bossy. If men don't take time to help out with the raising of their children, that's almost commonplace (although I'd like to think it's becoming less so now), but god forbid a woman do the same.. but if she stays at home to raise kids, she's "just a homemaker."

This is what bothers me. We've set up a system in which men can only win (i.e. be accepted, something along those lines) by fitting this narrow, constrictive mold... but at the same time, women can't win, even if they fill their mold. So it's obviously unfair to both parties, but at the same time, one party still has a chance. That's what strikes me as unfair. Men should be allowed to fulfill whatever role they feel most comfortable in, but so should women. We should all be winning. This doesn't mean you have to like everyone else on the planet, it just means they can't be unfairly held back by their gender OR how their gender is performed. That's really shitty and restrictive and sucks for everyone. Plus, it sets up systems where people (women especially) are taught to be jealous of those around them who better fulfill those characteristics, and it also seems like it would result in a lot of identity crises. It just doesn't work. It's silly, it's arbitrary, and it doesn't work.

My thoughts are that after some kind of social system is established in which people feel free to fulfill whatever characteristics they want, gender will become kind of arbitrary. What makes me a woman anyway? What makes someone a woman? It isn't their genitals, because then what about trans people? What about people born with genitals that aren't one of two sets? It doesn't work. Obviously you can still define people by biological sex, but gender is a really, really weird thing. It affects so much of our lives, and that pisses me off.


On a final note, I had an interesting idea about job/school applications (or applications for anything in general, really). I think it would be neat to set up a system in which people's names, ages, and races were completely left out of an application, and the only way to pick an applicant was solely on their merits. Obviously you'd need some way to contact them- I think a phone number could work for that, or even an email which is vague and gender neutral. Really I think that would eliminate a lot of discrimination... but then I don't know. I also thought it solved the problem of "affirmative action" because you can't select people based on their gender or race. It's more merit-based than based on whether or not your gender or race has historically been accepted to that position/school/institution/whatever...and obviously there would still have to be interviews... hmm. I didn't think of that. Any thoughts?

yer pal,
swegan

I had another thought

This is about abortion again. It'll be shorter, hopefully. I just had a thought about it.

If somebody were to come up to me and say "you are literally the only person in the whole entire world who can save me from my debilitating disease, but I require access to your body and its resources for 9 months. This will be invasive, painful, and dangerous, but I am a famous violinist/heart surgeon/other thing that is good for society and you can save me" I can still say no.

Now, that person is a person. And I can still say no to them. So to me, changing the personhood of fetuses doesn't DO anything. Even if that fetus is classified as a person, they're still asking for use of my body and resources for 9 months, and it will be invasive, painful, and dangerous for me. And yet to some people, that's okay, but so is me saying "no" to the first guy.

For all intents and purposes, these two are the same. Persons (for this example). They have potential- heck, one has even already proven their potential. And you know what else they have in common? Even if the use of my body is the only thing that can keep them alive, I still don't owe it to them. I can still say no in both cases and that is ok. Because I, like both of them, have bodily autonomy. They're in positions of dependency by chance, i.e., they can't survive without the use of someone else's body. But nobody has to provide them with that body.

This is the same principle behind why people aren't required to donate blood or organs. We all get assigned a body by chance (and have created a system wherein some bodies are more valued than others, which is pretty fucked up), but there are still moral laws that say "this body is yours to do with as you please, provided you can support yourself."

This also means that if I was that person who needed the use of one person's body to stay alive, I might be little miffed at them if they said no, but I'd have to accept it and move on. Their bodily autonomy is more important. Besides, if the procedure might kill them (the "savior") too (which is true of pregnancy! It's very dangerous), then I mean I REALLY can't blame them.

This is what pisses me off about pro-life. It's like, oops, something happened that was beyond your control and now you're in a potentially life-threatening situation that requires your constant attention and vigilance in addition to use of all your body and resources? Sorry, but you're not allowed to get out of that shit. And that, to me, is just fucked up. You can't just go putting people in that position without their consent. That's not okay- that is morally and ethically questionable. Far more so than terminating a pregnancy.

Still my favourite comment on the issue- "Nobody has the right to use anybody else's body without their consent." I like this because a) it applies to more than just abortion, and b) it's gender neutral. It's such a great statement.. I just wish I could remember where I'd found it.

yer pal,
swegan

The Pay Gap

What really bugs me is when people say "no it's not that women are paid less, women just choose to go into lower paying careers."

Okay, fine. Why do women choose that?

In a society that didn't influence people to choose a career based on their gender, you'd expect to see about equal numbers of men and women in high and low paying fields. And that would probably even out the pay gap a little bit. But you don't see that. And don't you dare tell me it's just "biology"- the existence of some men and some women in low and high paying positions, respectively, tells me that people are perfectly capable of performing either kind of work, regardless of their gender or sex.

So maybe women do get paid the same as their male counterparts, when you look at it individually. I can't know that for sure. But what I'm sure anyone can see is that engineering is still "a guy thing" while you see women majoring in arts classes all the time (not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that based on my life experience, arts graduates make less than engineering graduates), and while female enrollment is increasing for medical school, you still don't see a lot of women in really technical fields like physics, computing, or math. Why is that? It's obviously not because women aren't smart enough, and if you try to tell me THAT, I will kick you in the shin. No. There's got to be some underlying reason why the numbers of men and women in fields like physics aren't equal.

And furthermore, if the numbers of men and women in those fields are equal, why aren't we talking about it?

I just find it hard to believe that the pay gap is solved by "people of different genders choose different career paths." That certain explains why the overall average for women might be lower than the overall average for men, but then you have to go deeper: why is that a fact?

I realize this post is limited because when I talk about high and low paying fields I am thinking in terms of university degrees. This is the environment I was raised in and it's extremely limited and obviously just one piece of a much larger puzzle. But it's all that I know, so it's all I feel I can contribute to the discussion. To talk of career paths that don't involve this would involve a lot of research for me which I currently don't have the time to do, since I'm lucky enough to be pursuing my own university education.

yer pal,
swegan

Tumblr

It certainly has its issues.

I think a big part of that depression earlier for me was tumblr feminism. It's so... cutthroat. I constantly worried that I was doing things wrong. I'd watch tumblr feminists tear apart people they disagreed with at the seams, and I was so afraid that might happen to me if I toed out of line, so I spent my time arguing with people close to me, pushing their manifestos and refusing to back down. It was exhausting. I mean, I get that those people have either experienced a lot of oppression personally and that that has made them angry and jaded to the point where they lash out, or they have developed a complex where they feel they have the right to do that... I'm not going to sit around and argue that fat people, non-white people, trans people, and lgbtqa (that is the correct acronym, right?), and women don't have their unfair share of difficulties, but still.

This isn't to say the community on tumblr is bad. I think it's done some great things- like providing a safe place for people to vent their frustrations, especially if those people aren't very "mainstream" and feel worn down by everyday life. I think that's important, that people who aren't lucky like me who are born with immense privilege (with the exception of my being female, which, thankfully, due to the part of the world I live in, hasn't held me back much... yet, anyway) have a space to vent, to feel validated, etc. That is definitely important, and I support that.

But I also feel like at certain times, that community cannot handle criticism. Whenever somebody makes a point that, while perhaps not entirely correct, still raises an important issue, people who have created those communities can get really defensive. We're not doing anything wrong, you're just persecuting us because you can get away with it. Maybe that's the case, but I think there are some issues with that community sometimes.

I know it's ridiculous to ask for inclusion in a community created solely to provide a haven for people who aren't included in the mainstream. But the mainstream sucks, and some of us get that- and we'd much rather stick with the people who say "screw the system" and try to create a better way. But I think sometimes that message of "we have a better way" is their way of saying "it's our turn." My problem is, equality doesn't work like that. You don't take turns having the advantage- that's not equality at all.

What Ptarckas suggested when I brought this up with him was that those communities can prioritize. Take feminism, for example. It is completely unreasonable for feminism as a movement to focus entirely on the ways the... we'll call it "the mainstream", has affected women and women only. In order for this movement to be inclusive, it must also discuss the ways men are affected. The exception here would be that feminism can prioritize women's issues. While both women and men are negatively affected by the mainstream (I guess feminists would call that patriarchy, and it is a word I have used before, and I still stand by that- but I'm trying to reach a wider audience here), women have had it far worse, and while men can choose to benefit from the system that's in place, women cannot, or at least not to the same degree. So to me, prioritizing women's issues above men's while still making time to discuss their issues as well is the best way forward. Or perhaps there are people who prefer to focus solely on one or the other, and that's fine. I think as long as men's issues don't overshadow women's, or interrupt discussions of women's issues, then that's okay. I suppose the reverse has to be true as well, but I still think a priority on women's issues is more than fair.

What really brought this issue up with me today was a post I saw on tumblr (obviously). It was an ask where someone had asked what the user thought of "skinny shaming" in Nicki Minaj's song "Anaconda." (The "skinny bitches" thing seems to be becoming popular with the body-positive community- and I really don't like it). The user's response was that "skinny people should stop listening to her song and go watch TV or read a magazine to see their body type idealized and praised." While I don't want to say this one user is the only problem- I'm sure plenty of people have this attitude- I really don't like that statement.

I know it's ridiculous of people who have been held up as "normal" and "beautiful" by beauty standards to ask for inclusion in a community created for those who did not fit those standards and have suffered because of it, but that is what I am asking for. I'm asking that the body positivity movement recognize that you cannot call yourself inclusive unless you include everybody. I'm not asking for my issues to be discussed- at the moment, I don't have any, beyond the "skinny bitches" attitude which I really hate (some people are just naturally thin- while that does give us privilege, it doesn't give you the right to stereotype us all as "bitches" that subscribe to mainstream beauty ideals).

I actually DO think the body positivity movement has been one of those movements that's been really good about being inclusive, about saying "you cannot have equality if you exclude one group of people." It was really just this one incident, in addition to the fact that all "body positive" songs that have come out recently that I've seen have included a line about "skinny bitches." I mean, I get that a lot of skinny people do subscribe to mainstream beauty ideals, do put down others for it, and I can understand why people who've felt like they've been excluded their entire lives, who have felt shamed and teased and bullied, wouldn't want to include people in their group that fit so well with their... bullies, I guess. I get that- it is part of why I was so defensive of feminism being a place for women's issues only for a long time. But, I think part of trying to start over means you have to try and trust those from the old group who come to you asking to be included. I think it means you have to be the bigger person sometimes- not all the time, but sometimes. You have to be the more mature one... and it sucks. It really does.

What was hard for me in all of this is admitting that I think I took things a bit too far sometimes. I still think what I was saying was important, I was just ... somehow saying it in a way that was too extreme. This is not to absolve the blame of others, either, just myself.  Besides, being that hardcore was no fun, and I'd like to think I've backed down a little. That's not entirely fun, either, but it's working out for me better than before.

Anyway. I'm sure if someone on tumblr finds this I'll be torn to shreds, have the words that describe my privilege used against me as insults, and that will not be fun... but I'd like to think I'm getting somewhere here. I'd like to think someone will think I have a good point, that I have something valuable to say.

Social justice movements cannot call themselves inclusive while excluding the group that excluded them. I get that that doesn't seem fair, but someone has to be the bigger person.

You know, coming from me, I can see how that sounds like a threat. "Someone has to be the bigger person"? I get it. It sounds exhausting, and a little bit patronizing, and unfair. The mainstream group should be being the bigger people. I know that, but they're not, and there's all these movements starting up that I see that are doing way, way better that I think are more viable alternatives at this point. And this doesn't have to happen fast. I'm just asking that this "skinny bitches" shit in the positivity movement is removed. Also, that the people who used to make me feel guilty for being from a family with money realize that that's not really much better than making people feel guilty for not coming from a family with money. Nobody can help who they're born to, and I have never been a bitch about money. Ever. The family I come from doesn't make me better or worse than anybody else, and I am incredibly aware of that.

yer pal,
swegan

Perfection

I think people tend to expect this of each other. I was scrolling through the "feminism" tag recently, and there was a lot of criticism in there- fair criticism.

The feminist movement is not perfect. It never has been. It probably never will be. Neither is its opposition, and nor will it be. Criticism is fine, yes, but sometimes I feel like it takes the vein of imperfections in a movement being used to work against it and to claim that the movement is useless, not working properly, or full of shit (especially when those criticisms aren't even valid, but that's another can of worms).

I think I have been especially guilty of this. I don't take criticism well. I never have, but I'd like to think that someday I will. I take everything too personally. It's one of the things I don't like about myself and is my biggest stumbling block.

The reason I was thinking about this was because of those posts that say "don't bully anyone, being mean to anyone is wrong!" because on one hand I think people who apply this attitude to feminism are massively missing the point but on the other hand, I still feel like some part of their argument has validity. This is mostly because of the kids in middle school who thought it was okay to make me feel like shit because I came from a family that was well off. While I can understand that my being bullied about this was not the same as facing disadvantages that actively held me back (b/c coming from a family that has money to support me gives me advantages and thus privilege, which I am immensely grateful for), I can still acknowledge that what they did was not cool and they shouldn't have been doing it. I'm still not sure how to apply this to feminism, but I'm sure it has its place.

Perhaps it's that actively making men feel bad for being men is a bad idea? I'm not sure if I do that as a feminist- I really hope not. Obviously there's nothing wrong with being male, my problem is with the societal ideal (and the one you see commonly presented in media of all sorts) of what it means to be male. I think a lot of people subscribe to that ideal and that worries me. And then obviously there's real men who have been shitty by living out that ideal (and by, say, being abusive) when they're smart enough to know better. Men aren't stupid, and I guess perhaps feminism doesn't give them enough credit. I think perhaps it's important to recognize the line between shitty masculinity and shitty men, or something along those lines?

It's late. I'm not entirely sure what I'm talking about, and I've been listening to a mix of pop songs I made on youtube for the past two hours. It's fascinating how all these songs from different time periods in my life comes together to present an amalgamation of something that resembles how I see myself.

yer pal,
swegan

I am sick and tired of hearing about this

I am tired of hearing about abortion bans in the states. Each time I think, "this has gone far enough," and yet it seems like no, it never has. Anti-choice people in the states will stop at nothing to make sure abortions are unsafe and illegal and carry severe consequences.

Note I did not say that they are trying to stop abortion: you can't stop abortion from happening. I don't understand why people don't get this. Women are going to get abortions, regardless of whether it's legal or not. You cannot change that. It will always, always remain that way. So what's happening here is a total devaluation of women. This fact doesn't even take into account whether abortion is morally okay or not. It just is. Women are going to have abortions, and what you're really voting on here is whether or not you're going to provide them in a safe, clean, sterile, and supportive environment, or whether they're going to resort to shady back-door coat-hanger poison pill abortions. I don't get it. I don't understand why you wouldn't want to support women,and to me, banning abortion is just another way of saying that you don't value women's lives.

To me, the suggestion that if I get pregnant I can't stop that, suggests that people value my ability to give birth above any other abilities I might have and any autonomy over my own body that I have because that is a human right. Is my uterus really the most important thing about me? Is it more important than me? Or am I just a uterus? I am more than that- all females are more than that. We are more than just our uterus (I use females here to refer to biological sex, and women to refer to gender (I know it's gender binary but just work with me here, okay?))

Another thing that strikes me as odd is this hypothetical scenario: Let's say I die in a tragic accident, and somehow my heart isn't injured. The same day I am brought to the hospital because of said tragic accident, another patient whose heart has been damaged somehow is in the hospital. They are in desperate need of a transplant. However, the surgeons at the hospital cannot just take my heart and put it in their body if I have not consented. I have that kind of control over my body- even if that person would die, my autonomy is still respected. Now, let's say that fetuses are people, and compare that situation to one in which I want an abortion because of an oops during sexual activity or because I was sexually assaulted. In this situation, according to anti-choicers, I do not have autonomy over my body, because it would kill a person (if we go by the logic of fetuses being persons, which I recognize not everyone agrees with). The funny thing is, you never hear anti-choicers complaining about the fact that we can't just harvest dead organs from people to save others who would otherwise die. In both cases, someone could die unless an organ from my body is used (and the second case is much more invasive). So why is the second case so protected and debated? Why am I given more bodily autonomy if I am dead than if I am living?

That is what really strikes me as odd, and this is why I say, keep abortion legal and safe. It is fine to not believe in abortions. It is fine to discuss both sides with friends, peers, family, etc. But it is not okay for you to make that decision for me, just like you cannot make the decision to use my heart to save someone else if I died and my heart was unaffected. I demand a right to bodily autonomy, and I demand it for every female person in the world. I also demand a world in which the safety of women is respected. And I shouldn't have to demand these things because they're, y'know, basic fucking human rights, but I do.

Thankfully, I live in Canada, where I don't think there currently is a law on abortion- and if that's the only way to keep people happy, I say we keep it that way. Obviously if I become sexually active in a way that involves the risk of pregnancy, I'm going to take every precaution I can to prevent getting pregnant (and right now that just means a lot of abstinence from those activities, which is fine with me because getting pregnant is not something I can handle right now). And if I did get pregnant, there is no question- I would seek an abortion as soon as possible. I can't afford to have a child right now- I'm 18 years old, for crying out loud. And I would not be able to handle the looks I would get. I look about 15 or 16 years old, and I can't even imagine going to university classes while pregnant, not to mention the fact that being pregnant is horribly physically stressing on the body. I can't handle that right now.

I think the obvious argument that right-wingers pull out here is "well just don't have sex then." Except that's another unavoidable fact- people are going to engage in sexual activities that involve a risk of pregnancy. And yet, despite the fact that better sexual education and access to contraceptives means fewer abortions, the right wing is trying to ban those, too. It's clear to me now: the right wing wants to revert back to a time when women's virginity and uterus were the most important thing about them, when they were nothing more than that. And that does not sit right with me. I will not let that happen. Though I do not live in the states, I support the feminists who do, the ones who are fighting for reproductive justice and bodily autonomy for all female people (not to mention a shit-ton of other things).

If you disagree with me, I suggest you stop reading my blog. We're not going to get along, I am not going to consider your point of view (though that does not mean that you can't choose to not want an abortion for yourself- I am not going to restrict you that choice, it is up to you and only you what is best for you), because it is wrong to deny women the choice to do what they feel is right with their body, and it is not your choice to make for them. Butt out.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Feminism on the internet

My Women's and Gender Studies (WGS) course is ridiculously easy. I find it bizarre that they're teaching us concepts like slut-shaming when I've known what that is since I first started looking for feminism online. As I put it to Ptarckas the other day: "It's like, 'what is slut shaming?' Gee, I don't know, why don't you ask tumblr?"

Taking this class also reminds me of a quote I saw (ironically, on tumblr) by someone who said she had gone to college and been absolutely floored by all this new information she'd learned in her first WGS class, and how amazed she was that so many people on tumblr considered those things to be so basic, things that are just required to be a base level decent human being. And I think that might actually be true.

The course I'm taking, while a second year course, is called "Introduction to Women's and Gender Studies." Some of the stuff we're learning is new to me, and it's absolutely fascinating, and I love knowing these things because they matter to me. I'm gaining a better understanding of intersectionality, too, which is good because that's something that so far the internet has not explained to me (on the pages I've found, I mean). But sometimes we discuss things like, well, slut-shaming, and they introduce it in this very basic way, and I'm sitting there like, yeah, I know.

It's nice because it means it's one course where I'm both really interested in learning more and kind of already know a lot. It's a GPA booster, but it's something I really care about. I guess that makes it more than a GPA booster, since I'm pretty dang sure I want to minor in this. I mean, what else was I going to minor in? Chemistry? Ugh, please. Business? Come on, mom, let's be realistic.

I'm not saying that I can totally predict my future and know how everything is going to turn out, but at this point, I've got a pretty good feeling about my choices. I love biology (and class is starting to be interesting now- we have our old prof back after a week of guest lectures from an excellent-but-less-excited prof, and wow did I miss my current one- she's just fantastic), and so majoring in it is a good choice. It's a lot of work, and I have to understand statistics and basic chemistry if I want to go further in it, but it's worth it. The sucky bits will end. The other thing I can't stand is designing labs- jesus christ, am I terrible at that. But I know that if I want to go on in biology, I have to work on that. And having a minor I really enjoy would definitely help.

Anyway, I just kind of thought that maybe just because I know this stuff, doesn't mean everyone does, even though I (and a shit-ton of other people, I'm willing to bet) do.

However, despite how great internet feminism can be (have you guys ever heard of Laci Green? She's fantastic. Seriously. Go and google her, or look up her videos on youtube. She will make your day. Why are you still reading this? It'll be here later. GO), it can also be really... intense and extreme. There's a lot of feminist bullying that goes on on the internet, and any deviation from this rigidly defined definition of "feminism" is just blown way out of proportion. While I agree that we should work to educate other people who perhaps don't realize that what they're saying is maybe hurtful, or sexist, or homophobic, or racist, etc, I don't think we should do so by calling them names, as tempting as it is. Fighting won't solve anything, and it definitely won't make feminism look good to everyone else. It's a cause, and causes need numbers, need members, need support. You can't get that if you make it look like being a feminist looks like being a religious fanatic. It's not going to work.

I always thought- and think- of feminism as something accepting and safe, a place where people can come and feel accepted and realize that they're not crazy for wanting to not be stereotyped and given different treatment because of their whatever that they can't control. It should not be a place of rigidly policed rules, and it definitely shouldn't be scary. My version of feminism definitely isn't scary (except when I come across articles about people who harrass patients outside of abortion clinics. Listen, I don't like violence, and I don't like confrontation, but nothing makes me angrier than people who harrass patients outside of abortion clinics. I could go on about them all day. Seriously, they are the worst kind of people), and I realize that my version isn't everyone's, and isn't perfect, but it works for me.

I mean, jesus christ, women have enough to conform to already. Why add feminism to that?

Annnnnyyyway, I do have a midterm in that class next week, soooo I should probably get back to studying. Just had to write this.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Feminist moods

Sometimes I get into them.

I mean that makes it sound like feminism is something that only affects me temporarily, when in reality it's pretty much always in the background at this point. I thought about it today when I was sitting outside the lecture hall for bio, eating my lunch and doing a sudoku puzzle (how do you spell that? Goshdarnit) in the paper from Wednesday, this couple in front of me were talking to each other, and then they said "see you later", gave each other a quick kiss (at least that's what I thought I saw, and definitely what it sounded like) and then they walked their separate ways. And no one pitched a fit or said anything and actually I don't think anyone really cared any more than they would have if it had been a heterosexual couple. But it wasn't. It was two girls. AND I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY BECAUSE THE ONE GIRL WAS SMILING AS SHE WALKED AWAY and I just thought, what a time to be alive. What a country to live in. People can be openly gay and no one gives a shit, and I walked around in short-shorts with my unshaven legs very clearly visible, and no one treated me any differently.

This is what I usually talk about when I talk about cultural differences between the US and Canada. I've heard stories from the US, and they are horrifying. Not only the idea that gay marriage still isn't legal (like, it's legal up here and I don't think anyone really thinks it's that crazy of an idea. Up here the feeling I get is that if people want to get married, they should get married. The end.
I'm not going to say Canada's a world leader in women's rights- I still think it could be doing a bit better in terms of representation. But compared the US, a country which presents itself as a land of true freedom and opportunity, Canada seems a lot freer to me. I'm not saying it's perfect in every respect- I definitely wish we had better rules for elections because I'm not sure if Harper could actually run for office and continue winning indefinitely and also I think we abolished the long-gun registry, which I always thought was a good thing because look at how fucking violent it is in the states where getting a gun is a lot easier and everyone seems to have one. So Canada's not perfect but I think it's got a few things right. The lack of any legislature on abortion... personally I think that's the only way to go. People are going to get angry no matter which way you try to legislate that- I'm totally cool with the idea of them leaving it alone.

But I just... my mother worried that cute guys would judge me because of my leg hair, and it turns out that nobody even notices because you know what this is Canada and until it is proven to me otherwise I am going to continue to believe that the place I am going to school is fairly liberal and open-minded. It's certainly very international- I see a lot of students from a wide variety of backgrounds in the halls, and there's a lot of students from Asian countries as well (like the girl next to me in English who just moved from Beijing 3 weeks ago... actually I think a lot of kids in my class who are Asian have just moved here recently. I can't imagine how difficult that must be). But the idea that it's totally fine to be gay or queer or bisexual or whatever on campus warms my heart. I like the fact that nobody said anything today when a couple kissed goodbye in the halls. It made me happy.


Then I was thinking back to halloween and when I and three other girls dressed up as our favourite avengers- Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and Hawkeye (obviously that was me). We looked badass and awesome and took so many cool group shots and there was even a girl dressed as Loki who we took photos with as well, and I supposed the idea that I got confused as Katniss is something I can take as a compliment EVEN IF IT WAS FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I WAS DRESSED AS SOMEONE ELSE LIKE AUGH. It was just... something about dressing up like a male character, and seeing other girls dressed up as male characters, was cool. There's not a lot of female superheroes and I like that we didn't give a shit. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I just know that I felt fucking powerful in those boots I borrowed from mom. Seriously, I need to get me a pair of tough, kick-ass black boots. Like black ones, with thick soles. I would love to have a pair of ass-kicking boots. Actually a pair of boots at all, considering winter is coming up soon and I don't have any since my old leather ones (which were pretty kick-ass) started smelling funny. Probably has to do with the time I spilled milk on them...

Anyway. I probably should get some stuff done. It's just that typing doesn't aggravate my current case of tendonitis (that's the most likely diagnosis, anyway, according to dad and he actually went to medical school so there) so I like doing it. Not that that means I want to write my response paper for English or anything...

yer pal,
swegan :)

When people say things like this

"Don't stop [working out] until you're proud"

HAHAHahahahAHahAHa you have just given me a reason NOT to work out because you can bet your sorry ass that I am hella proud of this body I have already so thx I will stop and maybe read a book b/c too much working out is ugh.

This goes right along with that stupid thing about anorexia that's mean to glorify it- the poster that says things like "do you want hipbones or pizza? candy or a collarbone?" and i was like "i wasn't aware that eating certain foods could cause my bones to disappear like last time i checked they're there but you can't see them because they're UNDErneATH MY sKIN WHeRE thEY ShouLD BE wTf" with all the mixed up capitals and lowercase. People don't need to see my hipbones protruding through my skin to know that they're there.

I just... I love my self the way I am and i do it aggressively. i am arrogant about how great i think i look, and i think i look fantastic and on some level, i mean it. i mean obviously i'm not the kind of person to parade around saying "look at me and how gorgeous i am", but inside my head that is how i think.

and you want to know a thing? today i walked around in a skirt with my unshaven legs clearly visible and NOBODY FUCKING NOTICED OR CARED so haha mom, you were totes wrong b/c you have some seriously fucked up notions of how people should look. if guys are allowed to look like hairy apes with hair literally everywhere, then why can't i? we're all just people, people. shave if you want. don't shave. i don't really care as long as you try your best and try to be a decent person both to yourself and others. that's really all that matters.

also I had philosophy class and it was confusing and as usual every answer someone volunteered was not what the prof wanted. it just makes me want to scream WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US but i don't think he'd appreciate that. also he seems a little nervous so it might freak him out.
also how do i essay in 500 words? i can't properly express thoughts on anything in 500 words! ugh!

yer pal,
swegan :)

but then this happened

(http://web.archive.org/web/20130904113944/http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/)

That's right ladies and gentleman- because a girl can't be someone of character and dignity if she wants to post "sexy selfies", and in order to be around the men of this family who are eerily close (seriously, my parents and I are close and yet they still don't look over my social media sites with me- they actually, y'know, trust me to do stuff on the internet by myself), you have to keep your clothes on!

Jesus fucking christ lady get your shit together. The type of clothes a girl is wearing have absolutely no bearing on her level of character or dignity, and if you are teaching your boys the opposite you are doing them- and society as a whole- a humongous disservice. Girls are people worthy of respect and can have character, dignity, and "real beauty", no matter what they wear. Anyone who fails to see this, in my opinion, lives in a sad sexist world where people are not allowed to be themselves, and that just sounds awful.

That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

yer pal,
swegan

Holy feminsm

So today was bascially just more orientation finished off with the president's address (which was amazing and super fun, btw). We also went to clubs fair- I think I'll join the dance team, but outside of that I'm not sure. Maybe Amnesty international, although I tried that before and I wasn't very good at it. There's also this space exploration technology or something club (it had a specific name but I can't remember what it was) that I put my email down for. It looked so cool, I couldn't help it. So I think that's at least two clubs- probably plenty for me. The outdoors club looks too expensive and time consuming (although it does look pretty fun), and I didn't really see anything else. I was extremely disappointed not to see any writing clubs or feminist clubs of any sort (although the sexual assault center had a table with some posters, zines, and brochures on it although there was no one behind it- I mean it was still something I guess).

I went to the computers and libraries seminar- very helpful- and then I went to the one called "Party smart and sexy" AND IT WAS SO FUCKING FANTASTIC OMG. I thought they were just going to be like "this is how you drink safely and don't rape" but it went so much further than that- they talked about slut shaming, sexual harrassment, victim blaming, date/acquaintance rape, STIs, communication in relationships... it was so fabulous it made the feminist inside me cry tears of joy. FINALLY OTHER PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THIS! Plus the whole thing- all the seminars were skits- was based on how i met your mother, which made it better. They even changed Marshall to Marsha, so that they could touch on gay relationships briefly. It was so fantastic and I swear I almost cried from being so happy that this was happening and other people were in the room hearing it and hopefully taking it seriously  and just GAH SO MUCH YAY.
They also gave out little swag-bag featuring pieces of paper with information about consent, campus resources, a little zine about online resources and books to check out, and info about which birth control types were covered by the university health insurance. Oh, and a condom. And a dental dam. So... yay? I'm assuming these things will not be used by me probably until next year at the earliest, but I guess it's always good to be prepared...?

We got to learn cheers today, too- I loved the ones for the faculty of science (my faculty). A particular favourite line of mine was "Don't you get on our bad side/ Or we'll slip you cyanide" and I was also a fan of the one where awesome was spelled "S!CI!EN!CE!" and just everything about it was fabulous. The nurses and the engineers also had a rivalry going on... it was fun to watch because the engineering cheers were all deep voiced since mostly guys go into engineering, and then the nurses would answer with their much higher pitched cheers, since nursing was mostly female.
Ooh, and they had a free barbecue for the Science faculty today, so haha to those other faculties, we got free food AND free swag. So much free swag, oh my god. Not to mention we all got t-shirts before the president's address, but the science faculty got there last when they were all out of smalls AND mediums and I think the larges were dwindling so ALL THEY HAD WAS EXTRA LARGE T-SHIRTS AND IT FIT ME LIKE A DRESS. I suppose if I wash it enough it'll shrink, but I was still disappointed that I couldn't even get a medium.

It was a good time, but now I'm tired, and I do have a class at 9 AM so I should probably head to bed. Just wanted to share some more university adventures and my feminist joy.

JESUS MY ROOMMATE SHUTS HER DOORS LOUDLY WHAT THE HELL. It keeps startling me. She's super nice and talkative and even invited me to come hang out with her friends, though, and I really like her. We get along pretty well. I feel lucky that I got such a great roommate. Things could be a lot worse.

Speaking of which... I really need to go to bed. Breakfast starts at 7 and it's so so so good here.

yer pal,
swegan :)