DON'T TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE BAD AT THINGS IF YOU'RE NOT BAD AT THEM

FUCKING HELL YOU GUYS I JUST GOT A 65% ON MY CHEM LAB FINAL WHICH MEANS I GOT A 78.7% IN THE LAB PORTION OF THE COURSE AND YOU DON'T SEE ME TELLING MYSELF I'M BAD AT CHEMISTRY LIKE FUCK OKAY CHEMISTRY IS REALLY FUCKING HARD AND EXPECTING MYSELF TO BE PERFECT ISN'T GOING TO GET ME ANYWHERE GOD FUCKING DAMMIT JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES!!!!
*exaggerated breathing from yelling so much*

But UGH seriously like I started reading that book again, Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self Esteem, and the Confidence Gap again and I know I read it before and posted about it but I can't find that post and I think when I read that book I stopped telling myself I was bad at math, because that's what all the girls in the book did, and that's when I started saying no you know what I am actually good at math. I'm not some crazy math genius, and that's okay, I don't have to be, but I am not bad at math. I'm not. I'm good at math. And I think, as crazy as it is, saying that to myself has helped me do better in math, has helped me keep up in math, because I actually started believing that I was capable of solving problems.

And I think that helps, too, to believe you're good at stuff. I think I've mentioned before that it is a surprisingly good method to maintain your self esteem to be fake-full-of-yourself, like everything I'm walking in my big parka and I overheat, I think "Wow, I'm so hot" and then my brain a second later is like "Damn straight you are" and I just smile and like god, you guys, it's the best. It's the best when I can dance in front of my mirror in my hot pink short shorts and think wow, look at your legs girl, they fine. HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF, EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL SILLY. Feeling silly is better than feeling sad, I've found.

And anyway, it's not just about thinking that you're beautiful, but thinking about all the stuff you can do, too. Like I'm good at math, like I said, and I'm good at writing, too, and I'm good at research. There's definitely room for improvement, but there's always room for improvement.

Speaking of things that need room for improvement... I really need to study. I haven't actually started yet (today) and I really need to get on that. I'm going to type out all my philosophy notes and start rereading stuff. But I know I can pass philosophy. I'm good at philosophy. Obviously, again, there's room for improvement, and yeah so what I got a 70 on my essay, I tried and I had a lot of other stuff going on, too.

And my mom just texted me "Dude, you won"t believe it, ut we are at church again...dont text me back." followed by a party emoticon and I am now very confused like did my family convert to the religion du jour of the town I come from while I've been gone?

yer pal,
swegan :)