My essays are literally shit and my hair is greasy as fuck and my butt hurts from sitting

Every day I think, you need to get some exercise, you need to get up and go downstairs and run or something. But then I just sit around eating skittles all day. I did get a draft of my philosophy paper done, but it's absolute shit, and my English essay is turning into a bunch of BS. If I don't even believe that Raju is a con man trying desperately to find an identity, how am I supposed to argue that he is??? AUGH FUCK EVERYTHING

WHY IS THIS ENGLISH ESSAY WORTH HALF MY GRADE THAT IS NOT OKAY

Ugh. UGH. I'm sure I can at least pass it, which means I will pass English, which means that I will not have to take more than one other introductory English course. As it is I have to take that next year, since next semester the artsiest course I have is Women's Studies. But it's too soon to think about next semester.

Maybe I just feel bad about eating so many skittles. SO MANY FUCKING SKITTLES. Ugh. I feel so gross. Plus I'm supposed to be writing a novel this month! I have started that, btw, but I'm still behind on that right now. I mean it's going, and I like my MCs and they're fun to write, but just... I don't know.

Fine. FINE. I'M GOING DOWN FOR DINNER AND THEN I WILL FINISH HALF MY ENGLISH ESSAY DRAFT OR MAYBE ALL OF IT AND THEN TOMORROW I WILL EDIT THE EVER-LIVING FUCK OUT OF MY PHILOSOPHY PAPER SO THAT I CAN HOPEFULLY PASS AND DO MY CHEM PRE-LAB AND SOME MATH AND STUFF. My English draft, I have decided, will be edited, but it will still be shit. Then I will edit it over the course of two weeks and make it not-shit.

Please tell me other first years feel this way, too, that I'm not the only one who just sits around and does nothing. Everyone else is like "I like to go to the library to study" and "I studied for 4 hours" and "Yeah we hung out on the weekend" and "Yeah he's cute and he asked me out" AND THEN WE HAVE ME, WHO STAYS IN ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WEEKEND LONG (literally if it wasn't for Alberta-sat meetings and meals I wouldn't even leave this apartment, or probably my room), GETS ASKED OUT BY A GUY WHO IS SUPER NICE BUT NOT VERY CUTE (or ambitious, like srsly what are you doing with your life) (I will elaborate on this in a second), AND DOESN'T HAVE RIDICULOUS EXPECTATIONS OF GRADES.

Girl next to me outside bio class, talking to her friend: Yeah, I checked my mark, and it was 37/45, and I was like 'That's so bad!' but then I was like, well, this is university, it's going to be different.
Me: *checks mark*
Me: 38/45 is 84%
Me: That girl got 82% on her bio midterm
Me: HOW THE FUCK IS THAT BAD

It has come to my attention that people think anything below 90 is super terrible and I do not understand this at all. I have always been of the mindset that if I got 80 or higher on something, I was doing just fine and did not need to worry. 70-80 was still acceptable, although it meant I wasn't doing well in that class. Anything below 70 is a reality I haven't had to face yet and hopefully never will, but then again, who knows. And I have kept this philosophy, although 70-80 is slightly more acceptable now than it used to be. Like fuck, 77% on my first chem term exam? Dude chem is fucking hard, I will take that mark and run with it. AND 92 ON MY MATH MIDTERM MEANS I SHOULD SING IN GLORIOUS JOY, HOW DID I GET 92 ON MY MATH MIDTERM???
Actually I think I got 92 on my high school calc midterm as well. That's suspicious...

Anyway, dinner. First I should probably make my hair look less-like-shit. THESE SKITTLES ARE PUNISHING ME I FEEL SO ILL UGH.

yer disgruntled pal,
swegan :S

P.S. oh right, the grag thing. See, he's a pretty great person, but just... I feel like if we were to get serious (that sounds so funny omg), I would need to know he's actually going to do something with his life. Right now he's not even working, and he has literally two classes, volunteering commitments a few nights a week, and martial arts classes. That's it. My grandparents asked last night if he was working part-time ("Surely he must be" were my grandmother's exact words) and when I said no they looked so like... confused. Like "well why the hell are you going out with him then" confused.
Just. I feel like I can't be with someone in a serious relationship if they can't even take life seriously, just a little bit.
*points finger at self* YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB EITHER no, but I do have five classes and two labs and Alberta-sat commitments, thank you very much. Those keep me busy enough. Besides, I am working my way towards an actual degree with my university classes.

I'm not going to say what he's doing is wrong or bad or something. Just, it's really not attractive to me. But that's just me and that doesn't mean he should change. It just means that I might find it a leetle bit hard to form a real relationship.