K but then there's those words tho

Like words where you know what they mean, you know there literal definition, but the connotations just make the word so much more awkward. Like the word caress, for example. That word to me comes loaded with a bunch of sexual connotations even though I think it just means to stroke something gently, but then stroke is also a weird word with odd connotations, and I just don't know how to phrase anything in a way that doesn't make me feel dirty.

I should mention this is based on real events. Yesterday, Grag and I figured out our classes ended at the same time, so he came with me to my car and helped me brush it off and even scraped off some of the ice for me, which was nice, and then we walked back to the university and found this little bench area in the business atrium (at least I think that's what it was) and sat there for a while, facing the window so we could watch the snow. After a lot of awkward talking, I FINALLY convinced him to hold my hand (even after he was like "I'm blatantly ignoring your wishes" and scooted away and then he leaned over and tried to rest his head on my shoulder and it's like oh you poor baby squirrel what are you even doing, you don't know what you're doing do you like goodness me, he really hasn't been in a relationship before, has he?), and I was wearing a sweater- shirt that only went down to my elbows. He kept looking at my arm like it was something interesting (it's just an arm, like that's it that's all, folks), and then he said he didn't understand jewellery and touched my arm and said "this part is cute" and then touched my watch and was like "but I don't understand how this adds to it" and after allowing myself a moment of OHWOWTHATWASSUPERSSWEETANDALSOVERYSMOOTHGOODJOBMAN I pointed out that my watch helps me to, y'know, know what time it is and all. And then he just left his hand on my arm, and this is where the word "caress" comes in, but it sounds so fucking awkward to be like *puts on awkward actor voice* "he caressed my arm" like that just sounds really really REALLY intimate but that is actually the best way to describe what was going on and dear lord was it ever nice. Also very sweet, but then that's the kind of person he seems to be around me.
I admitted to him yesterday over skype later (just sending IMs, nothing exciting) that I had really liked when he did that, like a lot, like holy wow pls do that again at some point in the future. Which he did try to do again today, although the philosophy hallway was much more crowded and so I kind of grabbed his thumb sort of so I could stop him without it being weird. BUT BUT BUT we are going to try to do a movie night on Saturday, which will be fun because movies and snuggling and OMFG YAY but also a little bit nervewracking because oh okay I am just casually going to end up MEETING YOUR MOTHER YEAH NO BIG DEAL NO PRESSURE AT ALL HAHAHAHAHAHA I am just so worried about coming off mean or bitchy or stupid or picky (I am eating dinner there. Dinner. I AM eATING DINNER AT HIS HOUSE YOU GUYS I AM GOING TO DIE wait does this mean i have to bring something NO yes? NO HOW DO I ADULTHOOD AUHOUANOUTOWHJDFANSOUQ I THOUGHT ADULTS BROUGHT WINE TO DINNER??) (no swegan calm down you will be fine omfg you are 18 obvi you don't have to do everything right okay) and also that the four cats he owns will cause my allergies to kill me. That's a little bit nervewracking as well. However, he has promised to clean, and I will take my claritin or whatever even though it makes me all loopy. Better loopy than, well, puffy-eyed and crying, I suppose.

IN OTHER NEWS I have 5 million things to do this week KILL ME NOW UGH this math assignment like I have just given up already I am not even kidding like I have been working on it nonstop for ages and i am so fucking done with trying to find the concavity of functions like x^(7)*ln(x) like NO THAT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE AND THIS ASSIGNMENT IS RIDICULOUS SIR. The fact that I have the function from the homework memorized should tell you something. I'm at 34.8% now, which is something, but I'd like to at least pass. However, it's only worth 1% of my grade so... it can get put on the backburner. It's assignment 8, anyway, and the lowest percentage one we get is dropped, so it's like even if I did shitty on the last two that's still 7% of my grade that I'll get that's actually good and like I WILL FUCKING TAKE THAT. Besides with stuff like my chem lab final next week, I have bigger fish to fry. Well, that and a biology presentation and a philosophy quiz on thursday. SRSLY U GUISE THIS WEEK IS GONNA SUCK until friday.

Friday I get to go to this festival-type-thing that's apparently a really big deal. It's featuring two famous Canadian artists (though the type of art I won't specify) and I'm going with Carina and another of her friends. It actually looks like it'll be super interesting and inspiring, and besides, it's culture! I'm going out with friends! Yay! Having a life! Doing things! Also Carina is super-duper cool. I don't know if I have mentioned that before. She appreciates all my bio class jokes. Friends who appreciate things like that are like friends who don't mind that I talk during movies: real keepers. Srsly people who let me talk during movies are the best. And I do try not to talk in intense scenes, or when other characters are talking. I just like to make witty comments. Hopefully Grag doesn't mind, although if he does, I will shut up (as I will do when watching movies with anyone who doesn't like that sort of thing). However, Artifex, Lucy, Freckles, and maybe even Vince don't mind when I do, and this is perhaps why they are some of my closest friends.

Anyway I've been up for almost 17 hours so now I get to attempt to counter that with about 7 hours of sleep. Yay.

yer pal,
swegan :)