This was supposed to be about struggle but it's just a mess of midnight thoughts

Earlier this year, I told a friend that Michael Buble's "I've got it easy" was the song that described my life, and I don't think I was entirely wrong. Anyone who knows me knows that my life is a fucking cakewalk. I mean, sure, I get to have problems like anyone else, but they're always so much easier to deal with. And I am grateful for that, really. I don't think it would be fair not to be. I know I've been given a lot of opportunity in life, and I feel very lucky because of that, and kind of view it as my duty to do well and work hard so that, should I ever have kids, I can do the same for them (which is what my parents have told me is their goal on several occasions).

The funny thing is, I feel like people get admired for having to struggle. Well, ok, maybe not that, but for dealing with those struggles in an admirable way. I've never had to struggle for anything before (apparently not even to pass ochem, which makes me feel weirdly guilty because I know people who worked their butts off studying for that who deserved a much better mark than what they got, and definitely better than what I got), so I don't get admired for that.

And I admire people for this, too. Just, people who work hard in general. I mean it when I say that I find literally all of my friends inspirational in some way, because they are all so amazing. Some of them have been lucky like me, they come from a family with some money and they don't have to work as much. Some of my friends work full time and get degrees. I am amazed by all of them. Which is how I think I pick good friends, because they make me feel like I ought to do more, be more, try harder. I know the whole point of good friends is that they make you feel good about yourself, too, and that's my point- my friends don't make me feel bad about myself, but they do make me feel like I could do more. Not even just with volunteering or working, too, but with trying to be a better listener, or trying to be more generous, or trying new things, or keeping my mind open.

I think it's probably good to be proud of one's friends. It makes sense. And I am proud of them. They're all doing different things, yeah, and that's great, and each of them has a bunch of qualities that make me like them. I dunno, you guys, I'm just getting all mushy now, like I do all the fucking time.

I don't even know why the writing in this post is so weird. Probably because I picked up a couple of cheesy christmas romance novels (MY WEAKNESS!) (no actually) at the used bookstore with Vince the other day and the writing in them is... not bad, but just like... generic. They're like, drugstore novels. And I'm not knocking them, since obviously I have a weird thing for them, but still. I suppose generic writing has its place. And I mean, more books is never a bad thing. Plus, if there's anything I've learned from my friends who I clearly love so much, it's that it's ok to like weird shit. Like the shit you like! As long as you're not hurting anyone, your friends probably won't care. Although lately it seems that I just tend to like the underdogs of things: skim milk, Poland, Hawkeye, WWI.... nobody appreciates them enough, so I take it upon myself to do so, because they are awesome.

I don't even know where the writing is in this post anymore. I just like all my friends because they make me want to do better and because they love me as I am (yet are not afraid to be like "swegan no that is not a good thing to do").

Anyway, if I can't struggle, I can at least continue my quest to be one of those genuine warm-hearted people like those girls in high school that everybody just likes. Not really sure why that's become one of my missions in life, but there it is.

yer pal,
swegan