You'd be a bitch too

I am so angry and yes it is because of period stuff and I am also mad about that, because I hate that stupid fucking stereotype of "haha girls are bitchy on their periods" like you know what you would be bitchy too if your face turned into a zit farm and you got bloated and got headaches and pre-cramps and back pain and then had to deal with ACTUAL cramps and this bloody, sticky shit coming out of you for 5-7 days, and had to do it monthly for the rest of your life. Don't even argue with me. Anyone who doesn't menstruate doesn't fucking get it and I am sick and tired of having to act normal when my body is just acting insane and oh my god, oh my god of course I'm bitchy, you asshole, get out of my face before I rip off yours.

But nooo, I'm supposed to just go about my business normally, making sure nobody can tell if I take a pad to the bathroom, because heaven forbid anyone know that I'm on my period. I mean, it's not like people can't tell that I'm female. They know I have to deal with this. I don't get why it's so weird for guy friends when I say "you know what, I'm grumpy because I am on my period" like jesus christ, guys, you knew this about me already, what is the big deal?? You don't have to get all weird, just offer me hugs and possibly advil and sympathy and understand that I am not bitchy because of something you did or something anyone did.

Also I find it really weird to be this angry (well, I am not now, but I was a few minutes ago). I am a tiny person (everyone keeps telling me I am, so it must be true), and so of course I'm sure people just think I'm cute when I'm angry (which makes me angrier because just... just do not call short/tiny people cute when they are angry, okay? it gets old real fast and I will lost a lot of respect for you if you do that and I am sick and tired of it) but inside I feel all dangerous, like I could fucking murder someone if they got in my way. I'd like to think that usually I'm a kindhearted person; I obviously take a strong dislike to people sometimes but for the most part I don't do that.

Sometimes I just wish I could be a normal person size. I always thought I was, but no, I keep getting short jokes and tiny jokes and you-weigh-nothing jokes and honestly sometimes that is just a bit irritating like okay yes I get it I am small please shut the fuck up. Like I get that it is just teasing but as I'm sure everyone knows, teasing gets on your nerves after a point. Plus, I have been putting up with this kind of teasing literally my whole life. Some days it is just annoying that I can't be a regular girl height, no, I have to be just slightly under the average, and I can't be a regular girl size, no, I have to have the build that I do, and I can't look my fucking age, either, no, I have to look like a child, to top it all off.

It's all very stupid, of course, but sometimes shit just gets to you, I guess. Plus I'm already in a bad mood to begin with. Like work today was extra irritating both because I was grumpy for period reasons and my lab partner was tired and that apparently makes her chatty and she is the nicest person in the world I swear to god but she would not shut up and like I want to like her but she has this constant need to make conversation and it is like you know, sometimes we can just be quiet and work, okay? jesus. Please. Just. Shut. Up. But I can't say that to her, because that would be horribly cruel of me when she has been nothing but friendly and nice to me. It is not her fault that she is extremely extroverted and I am just... not.

Which brings me to my other problem of the fact of me still having a crush on that guy. He keeps popping into my head, but it's not even in the usual crush way anymore. I just, like, think about him. often. Not in a mushy way or anything, he just comes to mind. I remember a conversation we had, or something he said, or something reminds me of him, or my mind just like, naturally goes there. it's irritating. I know it wouldn't work out, both because I AM IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP ALREADY THAT I HAPPEN TO LIKE BEING IN (BRAIN PLS) and because he is also pretty extroverted and likes stuff that I just do not and I cannot really see a universe in which he also likes me and thinks about me often and shit like that. But I cannot get him out of my head. It is so annoying. Like, he's not even that cool.

blugh. I don't even know what the point of this was. Whatever.

-swegan