I'm so excited

About a month ago, I got an email from the university telling me my date to start registering for courses. So I made up a list of things to take. At that point, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do, and so I found myself making up a schedule I absolutely hated (partly because the higher up in university you go, the fewer times classes are offered in a semester.... argh). It had some interesting courses, but the big kicker was that I was making myself take physics. I do not want to take physics again. Physics is hella cool and interesting, sure, but it's also really difficult, and the way physics labs are done at my university, they're due the next day. It's awful. Plus, the physics I would have been taking was a 1st year course. When I finally got my schedule assembled, I got stressed out just looking at it. I felt like there was still all this horrible crap I had to get through, and even at the end of it, I still wasn't really going to get to study what I wanted to, which is genetics. The way my general biology degree would work out, I'd spend way too much time studying ecology and evolution and botany. Those things, again, are all interesting, but don't get me nearly as hyped up and excited as genetics.

So, I decided to go talk to an advisor about doing a specialization in molecular genetics degree. He was very convincing (and also very friendly and welcoming, as I've found most people in research/biology to be) and I found myself registering for the degree. I'm sure my parents were a little disappointed, since this pushed me further away from med school, and I was a little apprehensive myself, but now I'm very glad I did it.

Already I am talking with the advisor guy (such a name) about doing a research project (essentially I think I just help do research in the lab of one of the researchers here and get credits for it), and about all these different courses I can take, and about the fact that it's OK to take an extra semester, and I get to take almost exclusively genetics courses when I get to my fourth year and next year the worst things I have to take are microbiology and cell biology, but those are still infinitely better than bi(o)chem and physics. Plus, so many of the courses I'd end up taking are more independent and research-driven, and that makes me really excited.

It's surprisingly freeing to be able to do this. I know some people hate doing this kind of degree because it limits their options for courses (I can't take as many WGS courses, which is unfortunate, but oh well), but I like it because I finally don't have to waste time learning about things I'm less interested in. I can get down to the fine details of the subject I love, and learn more about how to research it.

I also have an end goal in mind, now, and that is really, REALLY exciting to me. I really, really want to do health research- the lab I have been working in studies cancer and it is so, so cool and fascinating to me and I just want to know more about it. The idea that I could contribute to research that helps people is so exciting to me. Which, of course, is the problem (for me) with a lot of genetics research: it's all about cells, or small microorganisms, or things that to me, seem pointless. But I'm sure I'll find they're more interesting than I thought.

I'm just so, so, so excited that I get to do this. I get to decide, I get to say "no, this is what I want to study, this is what I want to do with my life." I get to pursue what I love. It feels infinitely better than just getting a general degree or just taking all the "med school courses" because I don't know what I want to do yet. Is this what I want to do forever? Shit, I have no idea. I don't know what my life will turn out to be. But the point is that I have a direction now, something to work towards, a goal, a dream. And I'm so incredibly happy for that.

I know these courses are going to be hard. I know sometimes they will bore me, that not everything will be awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping wonder. My genetics course right now (which, to be fair, is still an intro course) is a little bit not that interesting, but I have to learn the basics. I know that I'm gonna have to put in a lot of work, but I also know now that I'm allowed a little room to pace myself, and I really get a strong feeling that people in the field (not all of them, I'm not stupid) will be willing to help me out. The reaction I get from most people doing work in this field is "You want to study this too? Hot dog, come on down, let me show you EVERYTHING and help you out!" and it makes me so very happy- and grateful, because these people know exactly what opportunities to point out to me.


Just... this whole thing makes me so excited. I can't wait to do it. All through high school, I thought that university would be where I could finally just study what I wanted to, without having to take all these other things that I thought were cool but not cool enough to take classes in. I've spent my first two years taking english, math, and chemistry courses to get to this point, and it's so great to think that I might finally be getting to the cool stuff- even just a little bit.

It is a little lonely, because I don't know anybody else in my genetics course right now. I don't know anybody else doing this degree. I don't know anyone else that likes this stuff as much as I do. But I'm sure that, moving forward, I'll find some people. In the meantime: I have other friends. In fact, I have THREE WHOLE ENTIRE FRIENDS outside of my building/high school friends now. Huzzah!

I've probably gushed enough about this at this point. I do still have homework to do. AT LEAST MY LAST OCHEM CLASS EVER WAS TODAY.

yer pal,
swegan :)