Letters (a fun 700th post!)

I saw this thing on tumblr. People are supposed to put one in the ask box and then you write a letter, but I thought hey, this would be an interesting blog post. Y'know, if people are interested in reading about my life. And then we reach this conundrum again, and I realize there is no obligation for me to blog about anything else. Besides, I'm between the ages of 15 and 25. These are the years when I'm supposed to be self centered, so why not run with it?

Dear Person I hate,
I hate you.
-Swegan

Dear Person I like,
I'm going to assume this is a person I admire as a person. And okay, so, I don't know how you're this great, I don't know how it's possible for someone to have a heart of gold. You have been there for me always, and I know I haven't fully returned the favour, and that weighs on my heart. You are one of those people I feel eternally lucky to know, and if I can, I'd like to hang on to you for as long as possible, because you are a constant source of light and goodness in my life.
-Swegan

Dear ex boyfriend,
Well, I think we're becoming friends, anyway. Or at least civil, or at least we can hang out and talk about stuff. You are still not the first person I go to when I am bored or sad or lonely and I doubt you ever will be again, but I sincerely hope we can get along and be some kind of friends again, because it seems like underneath you are a decent person, and it seems like you are deciding to bring that out. I wish you the best of luck with your future, and I hope that our friend group becomes stronger now that it's been two years.
-Swegan

Dear ex girlfriend,
Well, you don't actually exist, because I've never dated a girl. Maybe there'll be one of these in the future, I really can't say. But I hope we're at least civil.
-Swegan

Dear ex bestfriend,
I really don't know what motivated you to unfriend two of the people you were closest to on facebook. To me, that seems... rude, almost. I can't say I'm surprised, given how much you blew us off, and I can't say I'll miss your condescension towards me. Everyone treated me like an innocent lamb, but you were definitely one of the worst about it. Good luck with the career you've chosen, and I hope your new friends make you happy. I can't wish bad luck upon you, even though what you did still stings a little.
-Swegan

Dear Santa,
I'd really like to believe you exist because Christmas is one of those times of year that I feel like magic has to exist somewhere.
-Swegan

Dear mom,
I know we have our issues but I still trust you. I know you don't approve of my boyfriend, but I still value your opinion. Your help and advice and support to me all these years has been absolutely invaluable, and I would not be the person you say you are so proud of today if you had not been there to help me along. Here's to many more years and the joy of knowing that you'll probably be alive to meet any children I may have, and hoping that you will affect them as you did me. I love you.
However, I'd really like you to get off my case about my weight. I'm sick and tired of little comments slipped in when I'm eating "too much" or "badly" and how I am growing "out and not up" and how I need to "be careful." These comments are poison and it's really hard to ignore them. I know you think I'm pretty, but those comments make me feel like I am on the cusp of becoming unpretty, unwanted, someone to be ashamed of rather than proud of. Please, for the love of god, stop.
-Swegan

Dear dad,
If there's anything I hope to have inherited from you besides your intelligence, I hope it's your sense of humor. It's one of my favourite things about you. Like I did for mom, I thank you for all you did to help and support me throughout my life. It means a lot. I love you, too.
-Swegan

Dear future me,
I sincerely hope you are more well adjusted. And happy. I hope that you lived whatever life you wanted to, I hope that you loved passionately and never stopped being ridiculous and stayed friends with good people, that you were and are a good person who tries, even if you may not always succeed. I know you are still a feminist and I sincerely hope that the future you live in is better than this one for that reason.
-Swegan

Dear past me,
You made a lot of stupid decisions but you'll come out all right in the end.
-Swegan

Dear person I'm jealous of,
What, only one person? Ha. I have plenty of people to be jealous of. People who do better than me. People who get better grades, who have more natural talent, who float through life effortlessly, doing everything perfectly, having it all work out for you. Because I am competitive, I am jealous that I'm not the best at anything. I have a desperate need to be the best at something and it eats me up sometimes. But overall, I don't want to be any of you. I know that it's foolish to ask for your lives when mine is perfectly fine, even if I never come out at the front anymore.
-Swegan

Dear person I had a crush on,
Wow, you turned out to be kind of a dick. I mean, I still don't know you that well, and you have another girlfriend now, and I don't hate you. You seem to be just doing life. But your idea of life involves a lot of drinking and going out, and yet somehow also a lot of homework. I couldn't keep up with you, no matter how good looking you are. Thankfully, it is difficult to continue pining for you when a) you are an 8 hour drive away, b) you have a girlfriend now, and c) I now have a boyfriend of my own.

Dear significant other,
I know I say it all the time, but you're great. Really. You might bother me sometimes, with your bizarre factual knowledge of things no one cares about that you bring up in dinner conversations, or how you can correct me pretty much all the time, but I know you're not doing it out of malice. You are too kind of a person for that. I am beginning to think that you are another one of those bizarrely good people I meet and try to hang on to because those kind of people bring nothing but light into your life. I only know one other person like that, and the possibility of having found another is thrilling to me. I think people who read this blog know the kind of people I'm talking about. Not the ones who are so good it's impossible to hate them, but those people who seem to radiate goodness and light without trying, and you wonder why they're friends with you of all people.
Anyway... you've been a rock throughout my first year of university, and you're a good match for me. I know we've only been dating five months, but they've seriously been great. You've proven to be an excellent boyfriend and I am very much looking forward to a future with you in it.
I also miss you greatly. And I love you.
-Swegan

yer pal,
swegan :)