K but no

"If you're not enjoying school, you're probably doing the wrong thing." OR MAYBE I'M JUST STUCK IN HORRIBLE SHITTY FIRST YEAR COURSES I DON'T LIKE BUT MUST TAKE TO PURSUE AN EDUCATION IN THINGS I DO LIKE JESUS FUCK OKAY FIRST YEAR IS LIKE THE WORST BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE ALL THESE STUPID PREREQS STILL LIKE OH MY GOD NO STOP.

Do you think I enjoy my English class? Well, actually, yes, because I'm a giant nerd and got on the teacher's good side by being proactive, and I'm already good at writing essays. But if you think I'm ever going to take another English course again, you can get right outta town. Never. Again. And also chemistry. I'll take organic chemistry that year and hopefully that will be the end of it. Chemistry just isn't my thing, but I have to take it to fulfill these stupid "junior core" requirements. Ugh. It's just like high school this year.

And don't even get me started on math. I wouldn't be taking calc 2 if I'd known stats were prereqs for like every biology course ever. I mean, I really like calculus because I'm good at it, and I don't like statistics for the opposite reason, but I'd much rather get stats out of the way now than have to suffer through MORE first year courses in my second year. Like next year is just going to be organic chemistry, statistics, and then probably psychology. And then the other two courses for first semester can actually be something I'm interested in. Ugh.

I suppose after a while, though, school should stop feeling like work.

The worst part about this semester though is how little I like bio. Last semester it was really fascinating and engaging and interesting, and this semester it's just like a repeat of bio 30 minus reproduction. I am quickly learning that perhaps cell biology is not my thing. Like yeah I get that it's important, but I just find it hard to care.

Sigh. It's just been a really long day. I had my bio lab, then women's and gender studies, then a half hour for lunch, then an EPASS meeting (for which I had to take meeting minutes and I may or may not have fucked that up because I didn't know what to write down), and then an hour and a half of chemistry. Just too much stuff. Of course now I don't want to do anything, but I have stuff I really need to start so I have to get on that. Of course, I have to eat dinner too but I kind of ate a bunch of food when I came upstairs and now I'm not really hungry.... fuck oops.

Today is just one of those days where I just want to sleep, but noooo, tomorrow I have to get up and go to math again and live out my day like I always do.

I'm just tired of waking up. It's so emotionally draining to wake up sad every morning. I get up and go about my day and I'm fine, but when I wake up, I just feel this aching sense of loneliness. I miss everyone when I wake up. I miss my family, my friends, ptarckas, just... everyone. And I hate that it's only when I wake up. Every other minute of the day I'm completely fine (well, you know, except when I'm not) (like a normal person), just not when I wake up. Actually frequently when I wake up I find myself looking forward to crawling back into bed again... but I think that's something everyone fantasizes about, so nevermind.

sigh.

yer pal,
swegan :P