Basically all of my life, I have been somewhat underweight.
I was a very short kid, my mom was a dietician and has a BSc in Nutrition, and I danced about 5 nights a week. I was lucky enough to be one of those girls who, during my teenage years, really didn't have to worry about what I ate. My mom made pretty much all of my food, and that was always healthy, and even though I complained about not getting the same kinds of snacks in my lunch as the other kids and not eating dessert at all until I was like 12 (seriously, dessert for me is still not something that is "required" after a meal), I know that it was just mom looking out for me and trying to keep me healthy.
Of course, now I am living away from home (and I miss home food terribly). The food in my building is good, that's for sure- lots of fruit and vegetables all the time, and meals at very regular times, which is something I appreciate- although I have become more picky about it and as a result, eat less and less of it.
Last semester, I decided that restricting myself from eating what I wanted was silly, as long as I didn't spend too much money. That did not turn out well for me. I mean, obviously I'm still fine, but since then I have decided that that mantra is not a good idea. Not only did I waste a shitton of money, I ate a lot of crap. Like, a lot. And I mean, I'm young, I'm in university, it's almost expected that I gain weight at some point. I think I've avoided that thanks to avoiding uni campus "dining halls" and meal plans, but I'm still kind of restricted in what I eat. The meal plan here is already paid for until the end of the year, so I can't really cook for myself that much.
This is why the whole "fitness movement" type stuff (especially "fitspo" etc) on the internet really bugs me, especially when it says "what's your excuse?" my excuse is that I live on a meal plan because I am a student, you twat. If I want to get good grades and maintain a social life and enjoy myself, it becomes very hard to fit in waking up at 5 AM to go running every day. Plus, I live in Canada. It's fucking cold outside. I know some people can run in winter, but that requires some kind of special workout gear or whatever. So if I want to do that, I have to invest time and money into figuring it out. And as for a gym- I'm too self conscious about my complete and total lack of fitness knowledge to even bother to go, since I wouldn't know how to use the machines, and I don't have a plan or anything.
Furthermore, eating healthy is expensive. Frozen pizza is pretty darn cheap, from what I understand.
And yet every time I think of these reasons why I cannot for the life of me commit to changing my entire lifestyle right at this moment, there is still a part of me that thinks "but those are just excuses. If you really wanted this you would do it instead of being lazy." Which I think is ridiculous. Not everyone has the money and time to devote to changing their whole entire life.
What I wish fitness movements were about was encouraging people to work to the level they are comfortable at. Like, maybe I can't restructure my whole entire diet. But I can try not buying extra junk food so much. Maybe I don't have the time to figure out how to make time for exercising every single day. But I know that if I leave a little earlier, I can walk to school daily, and I can take a very intense exercise class once a week. Those are all things that are good for my health, and yet I still feel like by the standards of Fitness Types Everywhere, I am failing.
This doesn't even include the standards of Beauty. Basically every kind of media I see- movies, TV shows (when I get around to watching them), shit, even some youtube videos (ESPECIALLY music videos) have girls that are tiny, with flat stomachs and nice cheekbones and all those other things I get self conscious about. Recently, that kind of stuff has really been getting to me, especially considering all the weight I have gained last semester and over the summer (when I probably bought chocolate pretzels from bulk barn at least once a week, possibly more).
I know these things are ridiculous. I know it is stupid, because I am smart and funny and kind and those things should matter far more than how much I weigh or whether or not I have "the right" cheekbones or cellulite. But they still get to me. Sometimes it is just in the form of "These pretty dresses I have don't fit me anymore!" which is like well, duh, you bought those two years ago and since then you've moved out and started university. Sometimes it is shopping for school clothes with mom and getting comments like "weren't you wearing (slightly smaller pants size) last year?" or something like that. Sometimes it is even just acknowledging that I know people who are very fit and in shape or who don't weigh very much (sometimes that is just by virtue of their genes or body type). Often, it is stupid fitness stuff on the internet.
I wish I could be satisfied with myself for making small changes within my life. I wish I could feel like walking more and eating less junk food and taking a TRX class was acceptable. There is still a big part of me that insists that You used to be so skinny. All your life, you have been a skinny girl. The skinniest. With a BMI that is underweight. What happened to you? Who are you now? and it's like without the identity of being the super super super tiny girl, I have to define myself by other things. I never had to worry about my weight or what I was eating before. Ever. Never in my life have I had this stress. I don't like it. I miss being able to just eat whatever I wanted and still have a BMI of like, 17.8 because that was how I was, and I don't like this new realm of motherly advice consisting of weight-related things.
But I feel like the only way to go back to being the way I was is to be that girl. The girl who denies herself everything, who says "no cake for me, thanks" or "I don't really do dessert" or "can we get something else instead of pizza?" or "I'll just have a salad" (I have nothing against salads, but there is something about saying "I'll just have a salad" that implies restrictions) or who makes herself go running and works out every single day and never, ever, ever touches a cheeto or a potato chip or a brownie. I do not want to be that girl. I don't want to deny myself food because I'm scared of being fat, I don't want to work out every single day for a flat stomach and a thigh gap, and yet I feel shitty about it.
I don't want to be that girl, I don't want to be fat, I don't want to be unhealthy, I don't want to continue to get comments from mom about "don't let your thighs get lumpy and ugly" or "you're growing out and not up now so you have to watch what you eat" or "do you really need that size of jeans now?"
I don't know what to do beyond continue on my present course of baby steps because it's still better than doing nothing. My relationship with food has clearly become very complicated and annoying. I don't want to analyze everything for its nutritional value before eating it. I don't want to feel guilty for eating junk food, or carbs, or sugar, like by doing so I've done something wrong. But I don't want to look the way I do now, and that seems seriously fucked up to me because I'm pretty sure I am within the range of normal health right now.
yer pal,
swegan :S
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Resolutions
Since 2014 was kind of a blah year (school, work, 1 week of travel, more school, and I guess maintaining a relationship that was an ldr for 1/3 of the year), I kinda wanna try to make 2015 more exciting. Just by trying to do more than just school, work, and relationship.
1) Improve study habits. I feel as though more regular review might help me boost my GPA up 0.1 so that I can apply for more scholarships.
2) Improve spending habits. I just need a solid way to track them. Saving receipts and putting them in a spreadsheet is good for seeing what I've been doing, but not for seeing how I AM doing at any given moment in time.
3) Exercise more. Just, more. I have free Tuesday mornings this semester and I plan to try... THE GYM. I think my university has some kind of "workout buddies" program which appeals to me greatly. Also, I know this resolution is stereotypical, but I'm starting to see that if I want to continue to eat the way I do (which is really not that badly) then I have to do more than just walk to school every day.
4) Get a different summer job. I've been at the same place the last three years, and if that is the way the cookie crumbles I will go back there again. I just want some different experience, and to be honest, unless I work under somebody else, I've kind of done all the things there are to do there that I can do with my current knowledge.
5) STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK. Just the middle of the week. I figure this way I still get to enjoy delicious junk food, but not so often so I stop wasting so much money (seriously, this one is more financial than anything else).
6) Stop turning down invitations to go out.
That is really all I can think of. That, and the usual ones to attempt to be a kinder person and whatnot (I basically just make those every year).
We'll see how it goes. I predict 3 will be the most difficult to achieve. I do best with exercise when I have a class to go to rather than just relying on myself. In fact, I also learn better when I have a class to go to. If I've signed up for something that occurs at a regular time and place, especially when other people are showing up and expecting me too, I am like 5000X more likely to actually go. Which is why the workout buddies thing appeals to me: if someone else is counting on me to be their buddy, I am more likely to actually show up.
yer pal,
swegan
1) Improve study habits. I feel as though more regular review might help me boost my GPA up 0.1 so that I can apply for more scholarships.
2) Improve spending habits. I just need a solid way to track them. Saving receipts and putting them in a spreadsheet is good for seeing what I've been doing, but not for seeing how I AM doing at any given moment in time.
3) Exercise more. Just, more. I have free Tuesday mornings this semester and I plan to try... THE GYM. I think my university has some kind of "workout buddies" program which appeals to me greatly. Also, I know this resolution is stereotypical, but I'm starting to see that if I want to continue to eat the way I do (which is really not that badly) then I have to do more than just walk to school every day.
4) Get a different summer job. I've been at the same place the last three years, and if that is the way the cookie crumbles I will go back there again. I just want some different experience, and to be honest, unless I work under somebody else, I've kind of done all the things there are to do there that I can do with my current knowledge.
5) STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK. Just the middle of the week. I figure this way I still get to enjoy delicious junk food, but not so often so I stop wasting so much money (seriously, this one is more financial than anything else).
6) Stop turning down invitations to go out.
That is really all I can think of. That, and the usual ones to attempt to be a kinder person and whatnot (I basically just make those every year).
We'll see how it goes. I predict 3 will be the most difficult to achieve. I do best with exercise when I have a class to go to rather than just relying on myself. In fact, I also learn better when I have a class to go to. If I've signed up for something that occurs at a regular time and place, especially when other people are showing up and expecting me too, I am like 5000X more likely to actually go. Which is why the workout buddies thing appeals to me: if someone else is counting on me to be their buddy, I am more likely to actually show up.
yer pal,
swegan
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
I am so mad about sex in the media
Like oh my god it is so inaccurate and wrong!
This is mostly talking about movies/TV shows with teenagers or young adults in them, that sort of age. Sex inevitably comes up in most of them, and I suppose the portrayal is accurate in that that's what happens most of the time. And then there's all this confusion muddled up in "do I wait?" and shit like I just have so many things I want to scream at the characters every time this gets brought up on a show like
1) If you can't have a straightforward conversation about sex, it's probably a bad idea to have sex
2) You are allowed to do it now or wait until you're married, it really doesn't matter. It's up to you.
3) If you're excited about it, looking forward to it, etc, those are probs good signs that you're "ready" or that you'll handle it well
4) It is going to suck the first time. Like a lot. That is normal. It is nobody's fault and I really hate that on a lot of shows relationships end b/c the first time having sex was bad. Like, news flash, if you had waited until your wedding night, it would also have been bad too. Also, it will probably continue to be not-great for a while. Practice makes perfect.
5) THERE ARE OTHER THINGS TO DO. I don't mean like, be totally chaste, I just mean there are other things to do with someone you are sexually attracted to beyond sexual intercourse. There is like this whole range of other activities that are still a lot of fun that are not sex and do not carry with them the same risk of pregnancy (yes, I get this only applies to straight couples. That is my only experience). Furthermore, that is a good way to work up to being comfortable with someone, establishing trust, intimacy, being able to discuss things with them, etc. I say this b/c it bothers me immensely that teenagers in media go from just making out to full-out having sex and there is no in between, which is totally ridiculous and unreasonable. (Pls don't interpret this as having to do other things first, just be aware that this range between complete chastity and sex totally exists and is there to explore).
6) It is probs not a bad idea to know about the other person's anatomy/your own anatomy.
7) Bring. More. Than. One. Condom. Oh. My. God. The first one might break, or you can't get it on right, or the first round sucks and you want to try again after half an hour of doing something else. You never know.
8) Also, just saying- it is not going to be a big painful, bloody mess. If you're going slow and everyone's nice and turned on and especially if there is lube involved, everything should be fine. Slightly uncomfortable and a little "Oh, so that's what that's like" but not painful and messy and bloody. I hate this lie. I mean, maybe there's bleeding for some people, I don't know, but I really don't think that there should be. Vaginas can push babies out. A penis should not do that much damage.
That ends Swegan's Sex Talk. Seriously, I'm just so frustrated. Oh, but one last thing:
9) Pls keep checking up on each other, like ask "how are you doing" periodically or something like that. Just because someone says initially that they're OK with something doesn't mean they'll continue to do so. Also, this means that if you're like "welp I am not wanting to do this anymore" that you should say something. And if someone says stop, stop. Like, completely. That one is a no brainer. And this ties into the communication thing again (#1).
Honestly, I'm starting to think that the most important thing any good relationship has is good communication. If someone doesn't feel comfortable communicating or isn't being listened to, the relationship needs work or is not good.
And like, jesus christ, there is no appropriate period of time after starting a relationship at which you need to have sex. None at all. You can go on the first date, or wait a year. Whatever suits you, and your partner, obviously.
Furthermore, this has to be something you can talk to a doctor/your doctor about, too. Even if you get all embarrassed talking to them about ANYTHING relevant to sex. Doctors are there to help, for srs.
Just... be smart. Pls don't be like the kids in the media who feel all awkward about their first time being bad and blame each other or their connection and who only have one condom and who can't talk about sex or communicate during sex and just... be safe. Do whatever the hell you want with your partner, as long as you both agree and you're being safe.
I know this is pretty high and mighty of me given my limited physical-stuff-in-a-relationship-experience, but I think it works pretty well. IMO, sex should be something fun, something that you look forward to and enjoy, and should never ever make anyone feel uncomfortable.
And hey, it's totally fine to just not want sex in a relationship, or to want the relationship to be JUST sex, or any mix in between.
I feel like all of this is totally "Duh" to me... actually, I kind of hope that it's "duh" to everyone, and that at this point Laci Green has managed to educate a large portion of young adults about safe sex and things of the like (I am once again going to mention that she has a kick ass youtube channel which actually taught me a bunch of stuff that I am kind of relaying to you here, so you should all look it up regardless of whether this post was like "wow really?" for you or "uh, DUH" for you.)
anyway, I'm done. I need to get up early tomorrow.
yer pal,
swegan :)
This is mostly talking about movies/TV shows with teenagers or young adults in them, that sort of age. Sex inevitably comes up in most of them, and I suppose the portrayal is accurate in that that's what happens most of the time. And then there's all this confusion muddled up in "do I wait?" and shit like I just have so many things I want to scream at the characters every time this gets brought up on a show like
1) If you can't have a straightforward conversation about sex, it's probably a bad idea to have sex
2) You are allowed to do it now or wait until you're married, it really doesn't matter. It's up to you.
3) If you're excited about it, looking forward to it, etc, those are probs good signs that you're "ready" or that you'll handle it well
4) It is going to suck the first time. Like a lot. That is normal. It is nobody's fault and I really hate that on a lot of shows relationships end b/c the first time having sex was bad. Like, news flash, if you had waited until your wedding night, it would also have been bad too. Also, it will probably continue to be not-great for a while. Practice makes perfect.
5) THERE ARE OTHER THINGS TO DO. I don't mean like, be totally chaste, I just mean there are other things to do with someone you are sexually attracted to beyond sexual intercourse. There is like this whole range of other activities that are still a lot of fun that are not sex and do not carry with them the same risk of pregnancy (yes, I get this only applies to straight couples. That is my only experience). Furthermore, that is a good way to work up to being comfortable with someone, establishing trust, intimacy, being able to discuss things with them, etc. I say this b/c it bothers me immensely that teenagers in media go from just making out to full-out having sex and there is no in between, which is totally ridiculous and unreasonable. (Pls don't interpret this as having to do other things first, just be aware that this range between complete chastity and sex totally exists and is there to explore).
6) It is probs not a bad idea to know about the other person's anatomy/your own anatomy.
7) Bring. More. Than. One. Condom. Oh. My. God. The first one might break, or you can't get it on right, or the first round sucks and you want to try again after half an hour of doing something else. You never know.
8) Also, just saying- it is not going to be a big painful, bloody mess. If you're going slow and everyone's nice and turned on and especially if there is lube involved, everything should be fine. Slightly uncomfortable and a little "Oh, so that's what that's like" but not painful and messy and bloody. I hate this lie. I mean, maybe there's bleeding for some people, I don't know, but I really don't think that there should be. Vaginas can push babies out. A penis should not do that much damage.
That ends Swegan's Sex Talk. Seriously, I'm just so frustrated. Oh, but one last thing:
9) Pls keep checking up on each other, like ask "how are you doing" periodically or something like that. Just because someone says initially that they're OK with something doesn't mean they'll continue to do so. Also, this means that if you're like "welp I am not wanting to do this anymore" that you should say something. And if someone says stop, stop. Like, completely. That one is a no brainer. And this ties into the communication thing again (#1).
Honestly, I'm starting to think that the most important thing any good relationship has is good communication. If someone doesn't feel comfortable communicating or isn't being listened to, the relationship needs work or is not good.
And like, jesus christ, there is no appropriate period of time after starting a relationship at which you need to have sex. None at all. You can go on the first date, or wait a year. Whatever suits you, and your partner, obviously.
Furthermore, this has to be something you can talk to a doctor/your doctor about, too. Even if you get all embarrassed talking to them about ANYTHING relevant to sex. Doctors are there to help, for srs.
Just... be smart. Pls don't be like the kids in the media who feel all awkward about their first time being bad and blame each other or their connection and who only have one condom and who can't talk about sex or communicate during sex and just... be safe. Do whatever the hell you want with your partner, as long as you both agree and you're being safe.
I know this is pretty high and mighty of me given my limited physical-stuff-in-a-relationship-experience, but I think it works pretty well. IMO, sex should be something fun, something that you look forward to and enjoy, and should never ever make anyone feel uncomfortable.
And hey, it's totally fine to just not want sex in a relationship, or to want the relationship to be JUST sex, or any mix in between.
I feel like all of this is totally "Duh" to me... actually, I kind of hope that it's "duh" to everyone, and that at this point Laci Green has managed to educate a large portion of young adults about safe sex and things of the like (I am once again going to mention that she has a kick ass youtube channel which actually taught me a bunch of stuff that I am kind of relaying to you here, so you should all look it up regardless of whether this post was like "wow really?" for you or "uh, DUH" for you.)
anyway, I'm done. I need to get up early tomorrow.
yer pal,
swegan :)
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Identity crisis
I made a post that never got published about how I find femininity isolating b/c I never quite feel like I'm being a girl correctly. All around me, especially in this building, are these stylish, good-smelling, athletic-enough girls who care about their makeup and hair. I feel clunky, awkward, and smelly around them, and even though I have plenty of friends who don't give two shits about the fact that "shitty braid" is my new hairstyle, I still somehow feel... wrong. Like I'm not supposed to be clunky and awkward, I'm supposed to be stylish and graceful.
This, coupled with the fact that I don't think I'm over yet how writing seems to be lost to me because I have no interest in taking it up but I WANT to have the interest to take it up, and now there's feminism too. Vince gave logical advice when she said "you don't have to align with a movement, just be you" which is great except defining myself on my own terms is way harder and feminism kind of feels like one of the last few brushes I had to use to paint myself an identity.
I mean, there's still partner dancing, which is something that isn't terribly exciting for me. I mean, it's interesting enough, but anytime I try to dance with anybody but Ptarckas I get met with a sloppy frame (read: limp arms), sloppy steps, and poor timing. Obviously this isn't all the time, but it's way too common. I think of dance kind of like a video game: in order to get more skill points, I have to dance with someone at my level or above it. I think Ptarckas is at my level; since he's had karate training he knows about replicating movements and keeping them sharp, and since I took dance, I'm well aware that you have to focus on about 40,000 things while dancing because it's a performance. It's an art, and yes, it is a fucking sport, and if you don't agree I am going to go challenge you to take a ballet class. People who think ballet isn't a sport are crazy.
I mean, I'm a science student, so there's that, but I just feel like I barely do any activities outside of school and I don't go out and party and I'm not good at being a girl and so like what the hell am I supposed to do?
I'm really good at being offended and having opinions, which is probably a result of feminism, not gonna lie. Of course I can't seem to turn that off, so my whole family gets to bear the brunt of it at every family holiday.
Oh, and EPASS doesn't count. That project isn't even in my field, I feel like I can't contribute anything, and I desperately don't want to do it anymore but feel like I have no excuse to back out. Which is probably worse, since they deserve to have someone in the group who actually cares and will put in the effort, unlike me. But no, according to my parents, "we donated a lot of money to that fundraiser so you have to stay in it." Like great, but nobody asked you to do that much, and it'll still be helpful even if I leave the group?
Anyway. Maybe I'll try doing another thing next semester. Already looking at ballet classes, since they don't offer anything beyond basic jazz and I think I need to be challenged more than that.
yer pal,
swegan
This, coupled with the fact that I don't think I'm over yet how writing seems to be lost to me because I have no interest in taking it up but I WANT to have the interest to take it up, and now there's feminism too. Vince gave logical advice when she said "you don't have to align with a movement, just be you" which is great except defining myself on my own terms is way harder and feminism kind of feels like one of the last few brushes I had to use to paint myself an identity.
I mean, there's still partner dancing, which is something that isn't terribly exciting for me. I mean, it's interesting enough, but anytime I try to dance with anybody but Ptarckas I get met with a sloppy frame (read: limp arms), sloppy steps, and poor timing. Obviously this isn't all the time, but it's way too common. I think of dance kind of like a video game: in order to get more skill points, I have to dance with someone at my level or above it. I think Ptarckas is at my level; since he's had karate training he knows about replicating movements and keeping them sharp, and since I took dance, I'm well aware that you have to focus on about 40,000 things while dancing because it's a performance. It's an art, and yes, it is a fucking sport, and if you don't agree I am going to go challenge you to take a ballet class. People who think ballet isn't a sport are crazy.
I mean, I'm a science student, so there's that, but I just feel like I barely do any activities outside of school and I don't go out and party and I'm not good at being a girl and so like what the hell am I supposed to do?
I'm really good at being offended and having opinions, which is probably a result of feminism, not gonna lie. Of course I can't seem to turn that off, so my whole family gets to bear the brunt of it at every family holiday.
Oh, and EPASS doesn't count. That project isn't even in my field, I feel like I can't contribute anything, and I desperately don't want to do it anymore but feel like I have no excuse to back out. Which is probably worse, since they deserve to have someone in the group who actually cares and will put in the effort, unlike me. But no, according to my parents, "we donated a lot of money to that fundraiser so you have to stay in it." Like great, but nobody asked you to do that much, and it'll still be helpful even if I leave the group?
Anyway. Maybe I'll try doing another thing next semester. Already looking at ballet classes, since they don't offer anything beyond basic jazz and I think I need to be challenged more than that.
yer pal,
swegan
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Men and Feminism
Get ready for another boring post, y'all
SO. I want men to have a piece of the gender equality pie, too. BUT. I have an issue with the way Men+Feminism gets brought up.
First off, I would like to state that making a statement- a tweet, an essay, a big ugly tumblr post- that talks about the issues faced by women and girls does not immediately imply that the poster does not care about the way gender norms and expectations affect men. I don't understand why this is, but I can't care about women in STEM fields anymore without being a horrible bigot because "what about men?" well, I don't know. Issues like women in STEM are personal to me, being a woman in STEM myself (who, thankfully, has faced almost none of those problems- so that clearly indicates progress!), so I'm more likely to care about them in a vocal way.
The issue is that this doesn't imply I don't care about men being underrepresented in other fields, like nursing or education (unless I'm backwards on those; I'm working with stereotypes here. Pls let me know if I'm wrong), but it does imply that I care about women being underrepresented in STEM fields (Altho- if I'm not wrong, it's mostly chemistry, math/stats, computer science, and physics that are missing a lot of women, while fields like psych, bio, and medical sciences are more equal at this point).
The same thing goes for caring about something like sexual assault against women or catcalls. Those are problems that women face every day, most often at the hands of men. Does this mean I think all men are evil? If you think that's what I imply by caring about those things, you've colossally missed the point.
Overall, the issue seems to be that unless your statement includes all the people in the world ever, you're apparently discriminating against someone. Heaven forbid that I should make a statement exclusively about the issues of women and girls. Heaven forbid I don't include men for 5 seconds. Really? It's ridiculous.
The same goes for those young feminists who try to use feminism as a way to give them a victim complex so that they don't have to be responsible for anything: people can talk about the issues men face re: gender equality without mentioning women. However, I've found that the opposite problem is true more often, but guess what? I'm stating this here both because it's true AND because if I fail to mention it, I'm a horrible misandrist feminazi!!
I'm not sorry for the exaggeration. I'm really getting tired of this shit.
I have also been told that western feminism focusing on western problems instead of the problems faced by women elsewhere in the world is super lame, like "oh we don't have real problems, they have real problems." For that, I offer the following:
1) I agree that the work of non-western feminist activists should be talked about, and their voices amplified. That's important work, and they deserve to be heard.
2) I am not an expert on the problems women face in other parts of the world. I don't want to pretend that I am by offering solutions or advice to people from other parts of the world.
3) It is not my place to go and "save the poor oppressed women" in other parts of the world. That makes me a white savior, and trust me, that is not a good thing. My job is to listen to the women and men there that are helping to improve the lives of women, to offer help when I am asked and when I can help, and to share their stories and activist work.
4) No matter how much I learn about what the life of women in other countries is like, I will never be an expert. It is not my place to have an opinion on how to solve problems women face elsewhere. Like I said, it is my job to support women there who are doing that work, and to pay attention to it. I do agree that in the western world, we often get blinded by what's going on here so we don't see what's happening elsewhere. I agree that that needs to change.
5) This isn't to say that all women not in North America are suffering, either. The statement of "We must make everywhere else like the western world, where women have it soooo good!" is again, indicative of the whole white savior thing.
This is why I focus on the problems faced by western women. Yes, those still exist- and not just common "people" problems, but problems based on gender.
"But don't you care that men face problems too??!??!"
Did you even read the post??? Of course I fucking do. I have lots of men in my life whom I love deeply, and I want them to get a piece of the gender equality pie, same as me.
Overall: I think the "YOU FORGOT ABOUT MEN" is a way to shut down important discussions of the problems of women and girls by accusing them of not including everyone ever in the world. Wow, sorry my statement wasn't universal enough for you.
It's like caring about one endangered species. It doesn't automatically mean that I think other endangered species aren't important, and I don't have to talk about every single endangered species in the world every single time I say something.
yer pal,
swegan
SO. I want men to have a piece of the gender equality pie, too. BUT. I have an issue with the way Men+Feminism gets brought up.
First off, I would like to state that making a statement- a tweet, an essay, a big ugly tumblr post- that talks about the issues faced by women and girls does not immediately imply that the poster does not care about the way gender norms and expectations affect men. I don't understand why this is, but I can't care about women in STEM fields anymore without being a horrible bigot because "what about men?" well, I don't know. Issues like women in STEM are personal to me, being a woman in STEM myself (who, thankfully, has faced almost none of those problems- so that clearly indicates progress!), so I'm more likely to care about them in a vocal way.
The issue is that this doesn't imply I don't care about men being underrepresented in other fields, like nursing or education (unless I'm backwards on those; I'm working with stereotypes here. Pls let me know if I'm wrong), but it does imply that I care about women being underrepresented in STEM fields (Altho- if I'm not wrong, it's mostly chemistry, math/stats, computer science, and physics that are missing a lot of women, while fields like psych, bio, and medical sciences are more equal at this point).
The same thing goes for caring about something like sexual assault against women or catcalls. Those are problems that women face every day, most often at the hands of men. Does this mean I think all men are evil? If you think that's what I imply by caring about those things, you've colossally missed the point.
Overall, the issue seems to be that unless your statement includes all the people in the world ever, you're apparently discriminating against someone. Heaven forbid that I should make a statement exclusively about the issues of women and girls. Heaven forbid I don't include men for 5 seconds. Really? It's ridiculous.
The same goes for those young feminists who try to use feminism as a way to give them a victim complex so that they don't have to be responsible for anything: people can talk about the issues men face re: gender equality without mentioning women. However, I've found that the opposite problem is true more often, but guess what? I'm stating this here both because it's true AND because if I fail to mention it, I'm a horrible misandrist feminazi!!
I'm not sorry for the exaggeration. I'm really getting tired of this shit.
I have also been told that western feminism focusing on western problems instead of the problems faced by women elsewhere in the world is super lame, like "oh we don't have real problems, they have real problems." For that, I offer the following:
1) I agree that the work of non-western feminist activists should be talked about, and their voices amplified. That's important work, and they deserve to be heard.
2) I am not an expert on the problems women face in other parts of the world. I don't want to pretend that I am by offering solutions or advice to people from other parts of the world.
3) It is not my place to go and "save the poor oppressed women" in other parts of the world. That makes me a white savior, and trust me, that is not a good thing. My job is to listen to the women and men there that are helping to improve the lives of women, to offer help when I am asked and when I can help, and to share their stories and activist work.
4) No matter how much I learn about what the life of women in other countries is like, I will never be an expert. It is not my place to have an opinion on how to solve problems women face elsewhere. Like I said, it is my job to support women there who are doing that work, and to pay attention to it. I do agree that in the western world, we often get blinded by what's going on here so we don't see what's happening elsewhere. I agree that that needs to change.
5) This isn't to say that all women not in North America are suffering, either. The statement of "We must make everywhere else like the western world, where women have it soooo good!" is again, indicative of the whole white savior thing.
This is why I focus on the problems faced by western women. Yes, those still exist- and not just common "people" problems, but problems based on gender.
"But don't you care that men face problems too??!??!"
Did you even read the post??? Of course I fucking do. I have lots of men in my life whom I love deeply, and I want them to get a piece of the gender equality pie, same as me.
Overall: I think the "YOU FORGOT ABOUT MEN" is a way to shut down important discussions of the problems of women and girls by accusing them of not including everyone ever in the world. Wow, sorry my statement wasn't universal enough for you.
It's like caring about one endangered species. It doesn't automatically mean that I think other endangered species aren't important, and I don't have to talk about every single endangered species in the world every single time I say something.
yer pal,
swegan
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Do you ever just have one of those problems
where you make an idiotic blog post about it and then delete it later when you realize how silly it is?
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
There's this kind of girl at school
I don't know why I'm throwing people into groups here, but I am.
But there's these girls at school, and I've noticed they all dress... the same. Like not exactly the same, but they all have the same style of coat and the same style of leggings and the same pattern on their knit sweaters... the same overloaded backpack, and the same lululemon shopping bag repurposed as a lunch bag.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being this way, I've just noticed that a lot of girls tend to do this. And their hair is always fashionably messy, and their makeup is always done but they never use a lot, and they're always really smiley and just... everywhere. Why. Why are there so many.
And they're always in sciences, too. I see them in my science classes, I see them in my building complaining about the difficulty of the ochem course that I'm also taking. (To be fair, ochem is actually really hard). They're just so.. perfect. Put together. Like their life is busy, but they still find time to look artfully busy.
Those are actually the girls that scare me, because if they have the same course load as me and they still have time to put themselves together and do SOME kind of physical activity (I've noticed that people who have those lululemon bags tend to shop there (der), and thus tend to be physically active in some way), then they're the ones I have to be worried about. They're ambitious, their parents are probably also helping them out a little, and when they study, they go hard. They're the ones I'll be competing against someday, and for them, "taking it easy for like 5 minutes" doesn't seem to be an option.
In my mind, these are the girls who get really really good grades on all of their midterms and make it look like it's easy to study as much as they do. They show up on test day or on the day of the final still looking artfully messy and stressed. Oh, and they always smell really good, or at the very least, they never smell bad. And they all have the same kinds of lunches- water and lots of fruit or a salad packed into a tiny little container. and then like, some health granola bar. And they eat it all neatly with their perfectly painted fingernails and I'm over here scraping spaghetti out of a kid's thermos (not that i stole one, just that the one my mom bought me was designed for kids) with a metal fork, trying not to cringe at the noise with my stress-acne and my slightly-too-small pink ski jacket.
I'm just so confused. How do they do it? How do they all have the same messy topknot and the same black backpack with all the zippers and the same green jacket that everyone has and the same fucking lululemon shopping bag repurposed as a lunch bag???? Is this a thing? Is it popular to dress this way and have your eyeliner always looking fucking awesome even though you're not wearing a lot of it? Just... how? HOW?? HOW??
And their writing. they all use colourful pens and have the same big round letters, and they take SCADS of notes, way more than i do with my one black pen and crappy 5% cursive. and their stuff is always neatly organized in those half-binder-half-notebook things from 5 star. one per subject. and there's no mess anywhere. I just shove things in a clipboard.
I just... I don't know if this is a common thing, or if I'm just seeing the same 10 girls around campus all the time b/c they have a lot of the same classes as me, and then i'm also seeing them in my building again later.
I'm probably just making this all up in my head, but I mean, what else would you expect from someone described as "the girl scraping spaghetti out of a children's thermos with a metal fork in her slightly-too-small pink ski jacket"?
yer pal,
swegan
But there's these girls at school, and I've noticed they all dress... the same. Like not exactly the same, but they all have the same style of coat and the same style of leggings and the same pattern on their knit sweaters... the same overloaded backpack, and the same lululemon shopping bag repurposed as a lunch bag.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being this way, I've just noticed that a lot of girls tend to do this. And their hair is always fashionably messy, and their makeup is always done but they never use a lot, and they're always really smiley and just... everywhere. Why. Why are there so many.
And they're always in sciences, too. I see them in my science classes, I see them in my building complaining about the difficulty of the ochem course that I'm also taking. (To be fair, ochem is actually really hard). They're just so.. perfect. Put together. Like their life is busy, but they still find time to look artfully busy.
Those are actually the girls that scare me, because if they have the same course load as me and they still have time to put themselves together and do SOME kind of physical activity (I've noticed that people who have those lululemon bags tend to shop there (der), and thus tend to be physically active in some way), then they're the ones I have to be worried about. They're ambitious, their parents are probably also helping them out a little, and when they study, they go hard. They're the ones I'll be competing against someday, and for them, "taking it easy for like 5 minutes" doesn't seem to be an option.
In my mind, these are the girls who get really really good grades on all of their midterms and make it look like it's easy to study as much as they do. They show up on test day or on the day of the final still looking artfully messy and stressed. Oh, and they always smell really good, or at the very least, they never smell bad. And they all have the same kinds of lunches- water and lots of fruit or a salad packed into a tiny little container. and then like, some health granola bar. And they eat it all neatly with their perfectly painted fingernails and I'm over here scraping spaghetti out of a kid's thermos (not that i stole one, just that the one my mom bought me was designed for kids) with a metal fork, trying not to cringe at the noise with my stress-acne and my slightly-too-small pink ski jacket.
I'm just so confused. How do they do it? How do they all have the same messy topknot and the same black backpack with all the zippers and the same green jacket that everyone has and the same fucking lululemon shopping bag repurposed as a lunch bag???? Is this a thing? Is it popular to dress this way and have your eyeliner always looking fucking awesome even though you're not wearing a lot of it? Just... how? HOW?? HOW??
And their writing. they all use colourful pens and have the same big round letters, and they take SCADS of notes, way more than i do with my one black pen and crappy 5% cursive. and their stuff is always neatly organized in those half-binder-half-notebook things from 5 star. one per subject. and there's no mess anywhere. I just shove things in a clipboard.
I just... I don't know if this is a common thing, or if I'm just seeing the same 10 girls around campus all the time b/c they have a lot of the same classes as me, and then i'm also seeing them in my building again later.
I'm probably just making this all up in my head, but I mean, what else would you expect from someone described as "the girl scraping spaghetti out of a children's thermos with a metal fork in her slightly-too-small pink ski jacket"?
yer pal,
swegan
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