PARENTS

UGH
I swear I am going through a late teenage rebellion phase. I had my boyfriend over this weekend, and it was very, very awkward. My parents keep saying that everything needs to still be covered up at this point, and keep saying "we're just worried" while continuing to insinuate that if I'm not dating someone marriageable I shouldn't be dating, casually mentioning that a starter-home they went to see on the weekend was $530K and oop, don't you need a husband who can help you pay for that? It's like, jesus fucking christ, I am 18 years old. I am not getting married. I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED. Besides, I am not worried about my future. I am doing well. I am working hard and trying to take advantage of things and keep my head up and that is going fine. I will go good places if I keep this up. I am not worried about myself in the slightest, especially since I have no desire to get married at all for like 5 or 10 years. I'm young! I want to live! Surprisingly, I want to travel! At some point, I'd like to become more independent! And gosh darn it, if I want to be in a relationship with someone who genuinely appreciates me and who I genuinely appreciate, who loves me and whom I love, then I will do so. What I do in my relationships from here on out is nobody's goddamn business except my own. I realize I am 18 and plenty of adults will laugh and think I'm so cute, but we are all 18 once. This is what I want to do with my 18.

Anyway, Ptarckas is home now, but I'm really glad he got to come down. We didn't do much aside from watch movies- he didn't see much of this town, but then again, he was coming to see me, not the city. There was lots and lots of snuggling- we are snuggly people- and many I love yous. He is turning out to be a very good boyfriend for me- we seem to want similar things out of a relationship, we get along really well, and... well, I realize that compatibility isn't exactly what makes or breaks a relationship, but I think some people just click. It even happens with friends- you meet someone who you can talk to all the time, who is always friends with you even when you don't see each other for a long, long time. Obviously it happens in romantic relationships too. We just... work, on some level. That doesn't mean that Ptarckas is the only person in the whole world who clicks with me like that, obviously, and I'm not going to run around saying he's my soul mate because soul mates are bs. I may love very few people in my life, or I may love many. But that's not something I need to worry about right now.

I found myself getting very philosophical this weekend. As I grow, I find I am turning into a very responsible person very fast, someone who uses reason and good sense to remain calm and focused. I'm very happy for that because it means I am rarely unstable. I don't like being unstable

Anyway. This post kind of veered. The original point was, my parents cannot just be happy that I am studying something I love or dating someone I love, there must always be success and support in that. I must make money to be stable, comfortable, settled. I must date only people who I could later marry, and those people must be on the path to being stable, comfortable, settled. And yet I watch all my friends have fun, party, get drunk, go out, live and do crazy things. I don't want to do those things, but my friends are still an inspiration to me. They make me realize that there are other paths out there besides the one I am following, which is the one I have been pushed towards my whole life. They travel, they work, they go to school, and all in a million different orders to study a million different things. It's really awesome to watch as each of them does their own thing, becomes their own person. It makes me want to try and be myself more, whoever I am. I don't get that from my parents, wise as they may seem to be.

yer pal,
swegan