SO MUCH FUN BEING HOME U GUISE

I JUST LOVE FORCED SOCIAL FAMILY GATHERINGS PLACED ON ADJACENT WEEKENDS SO THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO TIME TO RECOVER AND REST IN BETWEEN. IT'S NOT LIKE WORK CAN SOMETIMES BE EXHAUSTING OR ANYTHING WHAT WITH THOSE TWO EXCHANGE STUDENTS FROM BRAZIL WHO WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME OR WORK IN THE SAME AREA AS ME IF THEY DON'T HAVE TO, NOT TO MENTION HOW I HAVE FUCKED UP A GREAT DEAL OF THINGS THERE AND IT'S EXHAUSTING TO BE CONTINUOUSLY FUCKING UP.

I don't think I'm an introvert in the sense that I need to recharge my social energy frequently. I enjoy being out with friends on short notice and I do need people around in general, or else I get very lonely. The issue comes when I have to be around people I don't know very well, especially when it isn't my choice. But I can't say "no i don't want to go visit family this weekend because I need some time to be alone" because it just comes out as "I don't want to see my family because I am a gigantic douchenugget."

Not to mention that my parents just LOOOOVE having company out at the cabin (god, this is such an upper-middle-class problem, I know). The only problem with them having company is that their company always has kids, and Freckles and I, being The Kids of our own respective family, are therefore the automatic Babysitters And Entertainment of the Visiting Kids. My parents have this annoying tendency to befriend people whose children are much younger than Freckles and I, which is how we end up playing video games with 12 and 8 and 6 year old boys all the damn time when they have company. With girls it is slightly easier, as Freckles and I are girls and have probs been raised in the same kind of social structure as the daughters of our friend's parents. But young boys. I don't even know what to do with them. ALL WE HAVE FOR TOYS ARE BARBIES AND THIS ONE BOX OF LEGO, SORRY.

My issue with this is that when it comes time for our yearly summer cabin retreat, my parents just start inviting everyone out. This summer they've already invited out my dad's friend's family, whose daughter's depression I tried to help her through a little over a year ago. I haven't seen her since, and I'm afraid it's going to be awkward and I'm going to cry and ruin everything. Not to mention she tends to lump Freckles in with her own younger sister, who is quite a bit younger, which doesn't really work because Freckles and I sort of run in the same circles, and she always tries to push her out and it just doesn't work that way and then everyone's slightly upset but no one says anything.

The best, though, are their adult friends who are sans childrens. Those friends are the best, because for once Freckles and I get to sit with the grownups and talk after dinner instead of having to go inside and look after the little ones. We get to enjoy adult conversation and best of all, when the adults start getting too boring and adult-y, we can just retreat and do our own thing.


And god, there is so much stuff to do around the house. I get it- I'm living at home on my parents' good graces, I should help out. But all I can do is compare it to how life was back at uni, and how I cleaned like once a week and never, ever, EVER had to help unload twenty bags of groceries. (After getting home from work today, my mother and sister unloaded twenty bags of groceries in the kitchen and my mother asked if I could "put a few things away thanks dear" and then they left to do things that needed to be done. Ugh). Not to mention not having my parents around to watch my every move. Also not having to hear their comments about Ptarckas, whom they don't like STILL because "you'll have to buy a home someday and you need money for that" and "what about when you have kids you need a partner who'll support you" like jesus fucking christ I GET that they are worried b/c he sort of lacks direction but I am the one who's 18, here. I still have like a decade to sort out my shit, and they're worried about this? Not to mention their Conservative Christian-esque views on intimacy and the physical aspects of a relationship. "You're too young for that," they say. "Everything should be covered up at this point." Or how about it's my body, not yours, and I will be as intimate as I damn well feel like. Don't worry, you guys raised me to be smart about this stuff. I'm not going to just go have unprotected sex or anything. Plus I have a boyfriend who knows what consent is! Apparently boys like that are more common than I gave them credit for.

The worst thing about being home is the not-locking door, though. Freckles barged into my room at midnight the other night, and interrupted a skype call between Ptarckas and I which was a leetle bit not something anyone else was invited to to say "YOU GOT ME THE SAME BDAY CARD TWO YEARS IN A ROW." Yes, thanks for telling me that. Couldn't it have waited until morning? It's 12:30, for christ's sake.

I'm still very tempted to get in my car and drive away. But the inevitable is that I have to come back home, and then my parents are mad at me, and I'm kind of in that stage now where I'm worried if I misbehave enough they might actually kick me out. Be like "you wanna be a little shit, go be a little shit somewhere else" which super sucks because I super can't afford to live on my own, not even with my job.


I guess everyone's entitled to a little whining. The big issue, though, is this weekend after weekend "let's go visit family who will inevitably ask about university in a way too general sense" shit. I. Need. Time. To. Relax. Having to be social and polite requires a lot of effort, and is not relaxing.

yer pal,
swegan