Four

I'm willingly listening to One Direction. I don't know what's happening to me. I have told everyone I know.

I tried to fix my relationship problems last night, and it turned out differently than I expected. In fact, I think everything is about the same as it was, only worse. I've been a mess all day. I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, and I've exhausted the only option I thought I had.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just let go. If I should just let the chips fall where they may, and wait until I have a better plan of action than nothing at all. Part of me is tempted to just run away from all of this and just be alone. The rest of me knows that that's not possible.

So instead, I'm sitting here listening to the fourth album of my sister's favourite boy band, because the title is relevant to all of this. Also, because this one is distinctly less pop-y than the rest, and I find that I actually like it more than I thought I would.

Still not entirely sure how this is the problem I am having, of all the problems I could be having in my life. This feels too weird and stupid and ugh. Like, seriously? This is like a bad teenage novel, or an even worse rom-com.

At least I'm writing again, even if it's just angsty journal-like blog entries that I have recently learned are less subtle than a gun. I'm going to make a bunch of little heart badges and just sew them onto the sleeves of everything I own, because that's about where I'm at right now.

yer pal,
swegan