Me in the Apocalypse: A thought experiment

I actually got the idea for this post while wondering whether or not I actually wanted kids in some sense, so there's a fun fact for you. But yes, I began to wonder if it would actually be possible for me to survive in the apocalypse.

There of course is the matter of asthma. I'm assuming the air quality in the apocalypse would be very low, so I'd have to head for some kind of area with lots of plants where I might have a chance. But then if I don't have shelter from the cold, that'll get me, so I have to go south. I have to go live in the jungle or something. I know this much. I'm sure there's some kind of way to treat asthma without steroids, but I don't know what it is, so I'd have to figure that out if I wanted to survive, because otherwise even the place with the warmest, cleanest air can't help me. I can hoard inhalers, but they still run out. At some point, unless I have a way to stop it, my throat will close up and I will stop breathing. I have known this for a long time and kind of just accepted that that was my fate in the apocalypse: to suffocate. But assuming I could get it under control... what then?

Well, first things first, I have to keep my glasses intact, so that I can fucking see. If I can manage that, I might be OK. But then there's the problem of the fact that I'm a little bit tiny, pathetic, and weak. I can't fight people for resources or scare off people who might try to kill me for mine or prevent myself from sexual assault (which is a legitimate fear I have about the apocalypse). This also means that I don't have a lot of body to survive off of should I not have access to food for a while. HOWEVER, if people really are as kind as I think they are, there's a good chance that I might be able to score some sympathy points. I do kind of look like a child and have been mistaken for one on many occasions (let me reiterate the story of the waiter who asked if anyone at my family's table was 12 or under (that was this past September) and the time this summer I got carded to see a movie rated 14A BY A TEENAGER WHO WAS YOUNGER THAN ME), so that could work in my favour: people tend to feel more sorry for children. I can lie about my age I suppose, to a certain extent. I still probably have about 10 years before people actually think I'm an adult at first glance, which could give me time to learn how to survive under the care of a mentor who feels sorry for children, or something like that.

I can also drive. I realize that at a certain point this skill might become useless if gas runs out, but I can do it. I mean, I'm sure that apocalypse driving would be very different, but I still have a knowledge of how to handle a vehicle and watch the road. That might be valuable, though it is a skill I may have to sacrifice a couple of years for if I want people to believe I am a child (I think I could pass for 16 at the youngest if I admitted I knew how to drive, but could pass for 13 or 14 if I didn't admit that). But still. As for other valuable skills, um... well, my dad's always said that in the apocalypse I could just hide while other people killed each other fighting over food and then once they were all dead I could go steal some but I don't know how well that theory actually works. But being able to hide is a valuable skill, and I have always known that (hide and seek was my favourite game as a kid). I'd also like to think I'm kind and somewhat generous, which, knowing how humans generally operate in groups, could work to my advantage. Also, I can knit, although so far all I know how to do is scarves and mittens, but I'm sure I could also figure out toques since I can do mittens now. I have knit on pencils before. Really, all you need is two stick-like objects of the same width with points at the end (and, y'know, yarn of some kind that can fit on the sticks). So I mean, I could get kept around for that, although given my earlier prognosis of "I have to live somewhere warm", that might not matter... although people still need clothes. Or nets or something. Knowing how to make yarn into anything useful is probably just a good skill to have.

Other than that, I have my youth, which is an advantage in any case. I would say I have scientific knowledge, but that might not really help. I don't have survival-related scientific knowledge. Although this does mean I have knowledge of the scientific process. Maybe that's useful? I have no idea.

All in all, I could probably make it work if I had to. My current goal would be to find a group heading south and lure them into taking me with them with the promise of being small (ergo I don't take up a lot of space or need a lot of food/water), able to drive, and able to knit. And also make them feel sorry for me by lying about my age. That's all I have going for me. Well, that and I get along with people easily, which should mean they're more likely to gain my trust.

This was kind of fun. And not just because I realized that I have a chance of surviving in the apocalypse at all.

yer pal,
swegan :)