You know what really got me though

When writing my bio final, I noticed a guy in the room also writing a final who had like, the greatest shoulders of all time. The rest of him was pretty lanky/average, but those shoulders, man. Unf. They were gorgeous. Of course, I told my mom this later, and her response was essentially to ask if I'd talked to him. I said, no, mom, I was preparing to write a final in like 2 minutes, and he was on the other side of the room, and literally everyone else was sitting down. And she was like oh well in the future if that happens you should just go say hi and get his number or something. And I was like great, okay mom, except I'M KIND OF IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP HERE. I'm not going to go asking for guy's numbers! Besides, he was a completely normal guy, one that girls might think of as averagely cute, and it seems those are not the kind of guys I attract. That isn't to say that I attract ugly guys- Ptarckas is like the cutest boy ever- but more that ... I dunno, I feel like I attract really nerdy boys. Like REALLY nerdy boys. Which is probably because I myself am a nerd, but I'm starting to feel like this is what the rest of my life is going to look like, which honestly is fine by me but my parents (and especially my mother) I can tell won't approve.

Perhaps that's part of life, is accepting that never will I date some considered-cute-by-most-girls guy who has a perfect complexion and is pre-med or pre-law or pre-something impressive. I don't know. I don't know what my parents want. I don't know how come my mom gave me the same speech about things-might-fizzle-out-over-the-summer-dear speech that she gave me about Nerd when I was dating him, and she used that same disapproving tone of voice when Ptarckas is really sweet and nice and intelligent and you know what you can hold people up to standards of what you should have accomplished by the time you're 22 all you want but honest to god just let people live their lives. It's like every guy I date now has the potential to be someone I'll get married to, and they're convinced it has to be someone with a good job who can support me and I'm like CHRIST YOU GUYS I'M 18 OKAY I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND. Maybe it worked for my mom to go on dates and then not really date anyone unless she saw a real potential for a future with them, fine, but I wish they could be supportive of this relationship. I'm not asking them to act like it's going to last forever- heaven knows I'm not.... in all likelihood, it won't, and I will probably have many more relationships (or just a few more, who knows) but as of right now this relationship is of an indefinite length so I'm just going to enjoy it for now and see where things go. I'm just asking for them to be happy that I'm happy and that I'm being treated well. That's all.

The way Ptarckas put it when I brought this up with him was "They don't want you to end up with a loser." Which I didn't like, because that implies that Ptarckas is a loser, and I'm some kind of... it's like that whole reacher/settler episode on how i met your mother, about how in every relationship one person is reaching up to be with someone in a relationship and the other person is settling for them, which is a stupid idea. My parents keep painting me as the settler, which is flattering, sure, but like I said, the whole concept is crap. I know they just want the best for me, that they want some totally amazing guy (or girl, if I changed my mind- thankfully my parents are not closed-minded bigots) who is like perfect in every way and has 0 flaws and a super good career and is a successful go-getter and... like does anyone like that even exist?

I worry about Ptarckas in this, too. I know how nice it is that his mother (from my interpretation of our interactions) really likes me and approves of me and thinks I'm a good person for him to be dating, and I know how sucky it would be to not have that approval. My parents like Ptarckas and think he's a smart, respectful, kind boy, but it still feels to me like they don't like that he's undecided about what he wants to do with his life. My opinion is that that doesn't really affect me right now. Just... I don't know.

I just want my parents to be happy about this. I'm 18 and in university and getting good grades and making friends and have a boyfriend who makes me very happy and treats me incredibly decently.... ugh. Parents. If I have kids, I'll probably do the same thing, I know, but it's still annoying.

yer pal,
swegan