it's so weird how you can like understand that something is true but not really believe it. Like the whole "just apply, you have nothing to lose" mantra that everyone from my mom to my friends to literally my own self has been telling me while I'm stuck in this gap. "Just apply!" they say. "They put up those requirements expecting perfection, but nobody meets those requirements. Just do it! You never know!"

Part of the problem is references. I have four, but I only really ever use three, one of whom is notoriously busy and takes a long ass time to get back to people, but is easily my best and most supportive reference. Can I really ask them to write letters of recommendation for multiple different programs? Not even the same program at different schools, mind you- different programs at different schools. There's a rotation program here I'm interested in, that I've been told to apply to even though I just BARELY don't meet the GPA requirements (I have a 3.4, they require a 3.5 or higher). There's a grad school which accepts ALL applicants into a rotation program halfway across the country I'm interested in. I've considered a couple of postgraduate certification programs. I've been trying to pursue the traditional grad school route with very little luck. There's a lab tech kind of program here that I just found out today has a master's program, which you can technically apply to without an approved supervisor (the deadline is November 15 for the winter term I think, so a little late to try and find a supervisor).

So yes in theory I could just... apply to things. I could just throw my hat in the ring. I am fortunate enough to have enough to cover the application fees. Except... I have asked these references to help me about 50 times each, and I am so worried I am becoming a burden to them because none of those 50 things have worked out. Not a single job as a cashier, a waitress, a salesperson, nor a job that actually uses my B.Sc. Half the time those opportunities simply just don't work out for me and I never have to give them my references.


I don't know what next step to take.