The Friend Zone is the creepiest fucking thing ever

I don't like the idea that when I send clear signals to a guy that I'm not interested, or show no interest in going out with him whatsoever, he could turn out to be a "But The Friendzone Is Real!" type. Like, yeah, sure, it sucks when someone you're interested in doesn't like you back, but that doesn't mean you should try harder to get them to like you. It means that they don't like you, and as much as that stings, you have to move on and respect their decision.

Instead you have a whole subculture of dudes who think that a woman saying "No, I don't want to go out with you" is just an excuse to pester her more until she "finally gives in", or to threaten her until she does (read: "but if someone had just gone out with him, he wouldn't have shot four people [or some other horrendous crime]!!!" This is bad for men, too- men are perfectly capable of handing rejection without killing or hurting people), which is obviously more dangerous.

Not only that, but you have a whole swack of movies in which people see someone (usually a girl, but I've seen it reversed) saying "no" as "I need to work harder to win them over." These kinds of movies make me really uncomfortable. You know the ones, where someone says to someone else that they're just friends or gives clear signals that they're not interested or starts getting interested in someone else and then FOR SOME REASON someone that rejected person looks up to tells them "Go, win [her] back/ Go win [her] over/ You've got to try harder." No, you don't, you've got to respect other people's decisions.  (I put "her" in brackets b/c I'm sure I'll get blasted for implying this only happens to women in movies anyway).

This ties back into the whole victim-complex- "Other people must find me attractive and if they don't it's OPPRESSION!" thing that I've seen so many people play out on the internet. Does it suck if someone isn't attracted to you? Sure. Does that mean they are obligated to find you attractive? Absolutely fucking not. Nobody is obligated to be attracted to you, just like nobody is obligated to "give you a chance/date", just like nobody is obligated to give you ANYTHING in terms of a romantic relationship. And that ties further into consent and "But I bought her dinner/a present/a nice dress, she owes me sex!" fuckery.

AND GUESS WHAT, THIS ALSO TIES INTO THAT UCLA THING. That guy took his sense of "I don't know why you won't sleep with me" to a new level when he said "but I will punish you all for it." That is severely disturbing and obviously one of the more dangerous examples of where this whole thing can go, but it's still proof that this concept needs to die.

Furthermore, what's wrong with being friends with people? If you like the person, it might be a little awkward, sure, but if you really like them so much how bad will it be to have them around? Part of the reason I like my boyfriend is the same reason I like my friends: They're good people to be around and I'm happy when I'm with them. There's nothing wrong with having friends, and the highest form of relationship you can form with the opposite sex isn't necessarily a romantic one.

yer pal,
swegan :)