An interesting thing happened yesterday

I was out with Zoey, Marissa, and Freckles, and we were waiting for our food at a restaurant. We were talking about things, and somehow Zoey ended up bringing up something uncomfortable.
"Who was that guy you liked in middle school?" she asked. "You know, that one you were like, obsessed with? Who was he?" and then she was asking Marissa and Freckles and I just panicked and sat there saying "Can we not talk about this, please? No, it was a really long time ago?" and finally I just said "his name was asshole mcbuttface, and that's all there is to it." And then we moved on to something else.

I could take this as a sign that I'm really uncomfortable with that whole thing, but I'm more seeing this as a sign that I'm really done with all of this. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to bring it up like it's just a fun memory, hahaha. It wasn't fun. It sucked. I don't want to talk about it anymore, can we all please move on, thank you.

It's like for them it was just me having a huge crush on a guy, and maybe that's what it was, maybe I'm just crazy and making it into more because I want sympathy, but he was still a huge dick to me for no good reason and I'd rather not dwell on it.

I think this is part of how I move on, making it clear to other people that no, I don't want to talk about it, and we should not talk about it no matter what. It's not worth talking about. He's not worth talking about. Neither were the rest of his gang, and they still aren't, and they never will be.

I know this comes off as a little hypocritical because I posted about this a few weeks ago. But, that was a few weeks ago- it appears I have since changed my mind about how I want to handle this. Besides, I realize that Zoey had no way of knowing that I didn't want to talk about it. It's not her fault. I just... I'm done. I need to be done. I need to put it in the past, and by put it in the past I mean literally never talk about it like it did not happen. Of course it did, but I don't want to talk about it.

Not now, and I think not ever. Maybe someday it will just be less sucky. Who knows.

yer pal,
swegan