This isn't going to work. You're wasting time and money no shut up, let me try it. I will wash the blot I used for GAPDH before blocking it. just wasting buffer WELL WE WON'T KNOW UNTIL TOMORROW WILL WE.
You have to send an update, what have you done? It's fine, I can tomorrow is the 28th. you don't have time But I just presented. Surely if I email and ask to be set free from this what and have it be like the last 8 updates you've sent where you always claimed something was going on, the dog was sick, the dog died, you were on vacation, you were busy, is school ever a priority to you? I have stuff going on. Someone is moving in. I'm basically moving no you're not stop lying my room is changing you don't have to pack. None of that has to happen that fast well that makes me anxious too fucking bad. stupid baby. makes you anxious. who the fuck cares. People are paying you money to get results I'm trying no you're not. stupid idiot. Why don't you know how RIPA works already I did it last 5 years ago. I can figure it out again oh and another month of troubleshooting, how will that look at your committee meeting my committee meeting doesn't have any bitter ukrainian men on it
why haven't you started the ic50 analysis yet what if it doesnt work what if I have to pay $30 a montha nd that doesn't motivate me to do it. why is the software so expensive. Why can't I get anything done I want to cry no don't cry don't let anyone see you doing that, that's weird, you can't do that remember what she said to you. no no no no don't cry you can't cry dry your face off and get better get tougher you can't cry just because you're 24 and unsure of everything and think about dying every minute of the day. tough it out. do better. nobody will believe you. some of the people who love you already don't believe you because they would only believe you if you were too sick for them to believe it was anything but laziness. do the analysis. and finish the paper. maybe i can pull 5 all nighters to finish it and then happy birthday to me. maybe i can build a pathway. oh god, I'll have to reread all the papers. how is the pathway different from the adult one, how long will it take me to understand all those pathways you have to make dinner. find time for fried rice. chop all the carrots celery fry them. fry eggs fry rice add soy sauce. add green onions. add ginger. wash the pan wash the plates wash the knife wash the board smooth out the paper, why isn't it smooth yet,
what if i'm not good enough what if i'm never enough is this a panic attack i can't tell i just need to get to my car and then you can cry why does this place always make me cry because this is the place you go to fail every day and nobody knows and everyone thinks everything is fine but none of my data is working and i don't know what i'm doing anymore and it's too much the ic50 software the figure the pathway the RNA-seq analysis and how you have no data from that and you don't know how it got run through the western blots aren't working should i be growing cells for protein what if that doesn't work what if my ic50 data is bad what if it shows i need to use a different concentration what do i need to include in my committee presentation what about my regular update gotta smooth out the paper why did you read that book it's too stressful why is your lab book not put together properly why why why are you like this why can't you be like the others and have your life perfectly arranged to run and eat salad and show up and drink coffee and design experiments that work and you never ever have to ask for help ever ever everyone else is too busy why don't you know how to do this do i look it up in a paper? is it there? god just get to your car don't cry don't cry odn't cry i can't breathe, my throat feels like it's swollen shut and it hurts and my breath comes in little gasps all the time
but I deserve to be alive. So how am I going to make it work?
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