This whole month has given me the gift of people opening up about their experiences to me. Talking to me about this. Making new connections. It's helped me see which of my friends cares about this enough to say "you know what, even if it's uncomfortable for me, I should probably share a thing or two that resonated with me"and which of my friends seem to be of the opinion that "I won't share, but I will be open about this personally with people I am close to" and which of my friends are still saying "I just don't wanna." It's white privilege to be able to ignore this and just continue your life, you know. Society is built for you to ignore it. You're okay being complacent in that? I also don't want to say there's some overlap with friends who have said absolutely nothing in any capacity and friends who attended a "ghetto" themed party in high school (DESPITE me protesting that the theme was OVERTLY and CLEARLY racist) but like... there is. (I also know some people just don't post on social media at all, really, and I've seen nothing from them for months- I know that people use that kind of stuff differently).
And also honestly like.. the world does NOT need my opinion on this. I'm a highly privileged white woman and while I'm intelligent and empathetic, we can all see how this problem does not affect my life. I live in a majority white city in a majority white neighbourhood. I didn't see any real diversity in skin tone until I attended a major university. The vast majority of my friends are white. At least half my colleagues are white, and I can see fields around me that are vastly majority white. And this is the point where I'm supposed to say that's not a bad thing, bla bla white people are good, but there is literally an entire social system here set up for them to think that as a default so I'm not going to bother. It should be obvious that I don't hate myself for being born white- I obviously can't help that, nobody can. But is the whiteness of all that a good thing? Objectively not. It makes me more comfortable because everybody assumes I belong... but I don't think I deserve to feel comfortable for that. I deserve to feel like I belong in that space because I do- I earned my way there (aware of how some of that was unearned as well), I want to be there, I am there, I'm contributing. Not because I'm fucking white and "of course white people do science!" Literally FUCK that attitude. That's what I mean when I say whiteness in the space I work in is objectively bad. That's what it is.
That's something I've been trying to check in myself lately. It's literally the smallest thing I can do, and I know that. but when I drive through an unfamiliar neighbourhood, I know nobody will call the police or give me funny looks, because I'm white. I know that if I'm on campus late and it's dark and I'm walking to my car with my hood up, people just assume I'm a student who belongs there, because I'm white. When people see pictures of me they will be less likely to assume I'm not capable, that I was given something unfairly, that I didn't earn my way to where I am (of course sexism still impacts me, but that's pretty much the only ism). People assume I belong, I'm right, I'm good, I'm smart, etc. I'm never the only person of my race in ANY space I'm in, ever. Nobody questions my presence in a space and if they do, I know they won't become aggressive. Nobody calls the police because I play music VERY loudly in my neighbourhood just because I like it. I am at the point where I flat out feel that I may have been given better treatment- more attention, more care, less hostility- as a graduate student in my program because I am white. Everybody looks at me and assumes I speak English and doesn't ask where I came from because of course I came from this part of the world. People look at me and assume I am capable, smart, and will do good things, that I am a good person doing good things, that I will be easier to deal with, etc. I'm not naive enough to think that doesn't affect how people treat me. If the colour of my skin means things to people before I ever say a word, it affects how they treat me. This isn't hard.
So when people tell me things have happened to them because of their race or describe their racial experience to me, I trust them, and I remember what they said, and I make the mental effort to think about how situations are different for me because I am white. I also make the mental effort to try and question my assumptions. I can't stop whatever automatic thoughts have been coerced into my brain, but I can try to examine them- therapy is already teaching me how to do this. Is there evidence to back this up? What is really going on here? Where did I learn this story? Sometimes the answer still eludes me, but I feel morally called to do that work, inside myself, all the time. Again: literally the tiniest thing I can do. I'd like to imagine the power it could have if every white person could do it, though. Question their assumptions about race. Look for the evidence. Be critical. Be open. Be curious. Hold themselves to a higher standard and accept that sometimes the answers don't come to you immediately or that you will resist them because they are so uncomfortable.
Between that, reading some books, reading and sharing a lot of instagram posts, and donating money, I'm trying to help. Maybe this is performative, I don't know, but I also want to be part of the reason you can't ignore this issue anywhere you go, including your opinionated feminist friend's personal blog. So here it is.
-swegan
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