Monday, July 30, 2012

Also I'm thinking of starting a vlog

I talk a lot. All the time. When I'm alone, when I'm with people. It's freeing and easier than writing things down. So why don't I talk in front of a camera?
A) My family will barge in, ask who I'm talking to, and possibly label me as even weirder than I'm sure they already think I am
B) What to say?
C) THE INTERNET WILL KNOW MY FUCKING FACE.

We'll see. If I do vlog, I will put a link.

yer pal,
swegan

Technology!

Also I am slightly embarrassed by my rant yesterday; I was in a bad mood. (This is not the same thing as saying I was sorry. I'm not sorry. Just a little embarrassed- the internet doesn't really need to know what kind of a mood I'm in).
Anyway, I'll explain the pics. I got a floppy disk in grade five from my teacher. It has a story on it and I have no idea what about. As my dad just explained to me, it holds 1/1000 of a GB. (I'm not good with MB, GB, etc). That got me thinking. So I took some pictures. The floppy disk holds 1/1000 of a GB (I forget what that's called; I don't really care). The orange USB is an old one of my dad's (Tudo was looking at it one day and it just decided to quit), it holds 4GB. The blue one is new and I lost it for several months, meaning no research papers cited on my paper about France's influence in Italian Unification! It holds 32 GB.

Crazy. In just six years (although if my dad used the orange one it's probably older), we've come from floppy disks to this:





Crazy.
Also, I measured my hand for reference: from the tip of my middle finger to my wrist is 18cm. From the base of my thumb horizontally across is 9cm.
I really want to know what's on that floppy disk... but it's 11:41 and I have work/volunteering/science in the morning.
UGH. I have to restart my computer. Lame.

yer pal,
swegan :P

Fuck off.

This is directed at anyone who thinks it's okay to tease kids who might come from families that have a little more money than they do (allegedly or truthfully). This is directed at anyone who thinks that anyone who comes from a family that might have a little more money doesn't ever have to work or is whiny. This is directed at anyone who thinks it's okay to bother "rich" kids about having a car, having their parents pay for gas, having their parents buy them things. This is directed at anyone who thinks it's terrible to bother "poor" kids but it's okay to bug "rich" kids. This is directed at anyone who thinks it's okay to say to "rich" people "what the hell are you complaining about, you're rich."

I can't help that I was born. If that offends you, whatever, but I don't want to hear about it. I can't help that I was born to this family any more than you can help that you were born to yours. And when have I ever complained about my car? About my gas? About things? Not a lot, I'll tell you. I complain about people, because sometimes people can be jerks and piss me right off. But telling me I don't have a right to complain... don't ever do that. I will complain your ass off.

I don't care that you think it's okay to bug me because maybe I'm different. That's bullying, making me feel different, pointing it out, rubbing it in, isolating me from everyone else. How is it any different from making fun of someone without money? It's not. It's mean and it's petty and if you really want to say those kinds of things and root through my wallet then you can fuck off. I don't want to deal with you. If you want to say I am spoiled and perfect and I have no right to complain about anything then you can fuck off. I don't want to deal with you either.

My father is a doctor. Fucking deal with it or fuck off. I can't fucking help it and you sure as hell can't either. I'm tired of your bullshit. Go somewhere else. If you don't want to, I will.

yer pal,
swegan

If this wrongly offends anyone, I'm deeply sorry. If anyone realizes they do this, perhaps it's time to confront the fact that you're a bully, or at least, you're acting like one, and I'm not sorry at all.

The weekend.

Totally helped my grandparents set up their 50th anniversary party dinner thing with my two cousins on my dad's side... and then we were the last table to eat. THANKS. It wasn't really that big of a deal since there was so much food, but I still acted up about it a little. Not too much, though.

The next day after most of the guests had cleared out after brunch my mother looked at my legs and was all "you don't shave your legs?" I was like "no..." because I've definitely had conversations with her about this before. She was like "why not?" and I said "well, because the hair there is light. You can barely see it. Also, I don't want to." she looked at me with her judgmental look and then said "well, you know, when you get a boyfriend or something.... you might want to..." and I was like "to hell with that." and went to stand by dad. I told him mom was bugging me about my legs. He said "your legs are fine". thinking the worst was over, I joked about it more when mom came over and made the boyfriend comment again. I said "well, if i'm dating someone who thinks my legs are too hairy and that I should shave them then that's not my problem." my dad made a joke about joining a nunnery and my mom laughed.

I'm not going to lie, that really hurt. I don't care that they were probably just teasing. This is how I choose to be and you're going to get on my case about it just because it's not stereotypical? I don't want to shave my legs because in my opinion the feeling of shaved legs is eerily smooth and creepy to the touch and i hate it. also if men get to have disgustingly hairy legs then why can't i have my legs hairy when you can barely tell? stupid. Of course, they don't know about my feminism thing at the moment, but my mom knows well that i internalize hurtful comments more than I should and take things to heart and hold on to them tightly. She does the same thing.

I AM A TEENAGE GIRL. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

but that just sounds whiny. anyway.

so, that was really all the weekend had to hold that was of note. Also freckles and I are getting along considerably better these days (perhaps because we have to hang out a lot). We're back to our old tricks, like casually messing with mom or dad (in the store the other day, freckles tried to lick mom's elbow while she wasn't looking to see if she'd notice while we both giggled away. We also flipped the 90% off signs upside down. Only %06 off! What an outrage! then, we sat in the bench by the changeroom entrance and freckles took pictures of people that walked by (she deleted them all afterwards).
I'm glad to be close to her again. Also because we have similar opinions on people we dislike, so we can talk about how much they piss us off together. ah, sisters. Truly wonderful indeed.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I'm on a feminism kick at the moment.

Tis true: when I am not obsessing over superheroes, I am obsessing over feminism. Which led me to this article: http://www.livescience.com/21609-self-sexualization-young-girls.html
I have to say, it doesn't surprise me at all, but then in the comments a couple of older guys start saying "young girls don't know what sexy is this is just cherry picking bits of the research you want to answer the question the way you want beauty competitions are overrated and sad and bla bla bla". And it just pisses me off to no end.
THEY grew up in a totally different era-- the era of more than twenty or thirty years ago. Things have changed. I know it-- because I grew up and I was a 6-year old girl at one point. They even tried to use the weather as a defense for why the kids on shows like hannah montana dress a little... revealingly at times- "it's warm so they wear shorts all the time where I live you'd be wearing six layers and a raincoat bla bla bla" I'm like, uh, it's summer here, in CANADA, it's frickin' 32 degrees outside almost every day, and I still manage to dress more modestly than that. I mean, come on. Now you're just making excuses.

I know this is really biased since I'm a girl and they're not, but that's kind of the point I'm getting at. Men and boys can't understand in the same way because men aren't sexualized NEARLY as much in this world. Women are airbrushed to perfection on every magazine cover. We are bombarded with ads for beauty creams and fancy bras and expensive clothing. I am well aware that society thinks I should like wearing makeup and shaving my legs and talking about boys on the phone with my friends for hours on end. I don't care, but what I'm getting at is IT'S VERY THERE and if you're a boy it's just not as prominent. A man in this world can still be overweight and respected, whereas a lot of times if a woman is overweight people will just judge her instantly.

I don't know, I've just been thinking about it all day.

And if our supposed image-obsession wasn't bad enough, I'm definitely feeling the pressure to be perfect right now. I should like volunteering, I should be less selfish, I'm too selfish, I'm too rude, I need to stop getting on my sister's case all the time, I need to help out more, I need to be more involved, I need to lead more, I need to work at school more, I need to be better at piano, I need to do my homework first, I need to take the initiative, I need to volunteer more. Lots of girls around me have jobs or do sports and sometimes I feel really inadequate because I'm not a very athletic person and I don't do a lot of physical activity. Like I should balance it out- just add a sport into the mix of schoolwork and piano. But I can't quit piano, heavens no. I have to be perfect at that.

It doesn't help that IB actually expects me to work in some regular physical activity to get my diploma. I mean, it's just a lot to deal with lately. Especially the volunteering thing.

But my insecurities aren't the point of this blog. I'm just showing the real-world example of me to demonstrate how society expects me to be perfect and do everything, or be lazy and do nothing, or be average and never get noticed at all. At the moment I'm on the perfect route. And I still feel like I can't complain.

But yeah, guys don't get it, because they don't face this pressure every day. And some days it's nonexistent and I don't care. But other days, like today, it weighs on me like a ton of bricks. I'm not generous or nice or hardworking enough. I'm rude and selfish and lazy. But saying that makes it look like I'm fishing for compliments... GAH.

You see how it is. Sometimes being a girl in this world is fucking awesome. Other times, you just wish you could be a boy. I've wished that once or twice. That I could be a boy for just a day. Just to see how it is. IMO, guys don't have to worry about acne, and they definitely don't have to worry about makeup. They don't care what they look like in the morning and their hair is hassle-free most of the time. They can be gamers or smart kids or sporty kids but no one is expecting them to be everything and if they are then HOLY CRAP THEY'RE AWESOME! No one is going to talk to them about the size of their breasts or what they're eating or how they think they're so fat. For sure no one is going to do something derogatory, like catcall at them or slap them on the ass (I saw a kid do that to a girl in the hallway this year, and I gave him the mother of all disgusted, you-are-a-douche-and-a-pig-and-lower-than-the-scum-on-the-bottom-of-the-barrel looks. He just laughed, the little dick). Probably no one is going to talk about them behind their backs.

Well. I know this post is long but there'll inevitably be more like it, just so you all know. Not apologizing for it, it's my blog, so deal with it. I'm off to watch Thor on Netflix (flip-flopping to the other obsession now).

yer pal,
swegan :)

Monday, July 23, 2012

Irony.

I got a book called "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" during Christmas a few years ago. At first, I just flipped through to see all the pictures and quotes. Then, I actually read the thing. And there's one thing that sticks out lately, one little habit- just listen. This sticks out because my mother has gotten especially preachy as of late. I realize she's just trying to help me out and that she has the best intentions in mind, but it's getting a little annoying.
The other day at dinner with my friends (fex, tudo, nerd, and tupperware), tudo took my wallet and immediately proceeded to look at all the money I had in there. At the time I just asked her to stop and had this pained expression on my face, because my friends get in my face enough about being "rich" and the fact that I had the gas money my dad gave me in there did not help. Let's just say, it looked excessive. I thought I had only put half of it in there, but apparently I put all of it in there, so it just looked worse. She proceeded to put the gas money in her bra, putting it back only after I asked her politely several times to do so. The rest of dinner was fine, fun, and enjoyable, but that event stuck out to me because... well, because it was just embarrassing when how much money I have in my wallet shouldn't be a source of embarrassment for me. I recounted the story to my mother, and she immediately dispensed advice on what to do. And then, because the event shocked her so, proceeded to repeat said advice about ten times. Eventually, I just said "Mom. You've repeated that like ten times now." She got the point, and stopped giving advice, and then the conversation shifted. But I didn't feel like I'd been heard at all and that's the point the book makes.
Before you tell someone to do something, before you immediately try to remedy their situation, you have to listen. And I know that sounds simple, and "duh"-ish, but really, it's more difficult than I thought. I've been trying to do this and I'm not sure if I'm any good at it or not but I try to listen at least a little before offering advice. I'm probably terrible, but I'm working on it. What I'm getting from my mother, on the other hand, is that she didn't even stop to think that maybe I just came to talk to her about it, just to vent. She automatically assumes that I need my problem fixed. It's gotten to the point where lately she just starts giving advice before I've even said anything, or where she senses there's a problem. Like maybe I'll tell her about my day, and what I did at lunch. She sees a problem at lunch, and offers advice on how to do it. She tells me what she does and that it works. She offers advice even when I'm just talking about something that I don't consider a problem. It's like she's this, I don't know, advice-giving machine that's broken, that gives you advice and tells you "this is what you should do" even when there isn't a problem.
Maybe she's panicking because this is my last year at home, maybe she feels like she's losing me, or maybe she honestly just thinks I'm handling things all wrong and need help. But I feel like I'm doing okay. I'd like to be able to look at my life and see what I think needs fixing on my own. I don't care what she thinks needs to be repaired.
So why post this?
Because it is just SO ANNOYING when you go to talk to someone and they don't even listen to what you had to say. I have to defend myself all the time with her. She sees problems where I don't, where there isn't even a problem.

This is why there's so many things I don't tell my mother- because she judges and sees problems before she hears me out.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

So I was at the dentist the other day...

I drove Freckles there to have some teeth pulled. I read a Chatelaine in the waiting room because I was there for about an hour and I was bored. And I read the most awful story about a woman who chose to have an abortion, but was first forced to view another sonogram of the fetus and listen to the doctor giving her the sonogram tell her about the fetus.
What cruel person would do that to someone? Why would you torment a woman so? It just made me sick, reading that, about how she was crying through the whole thing, about how all the people doing the procedure didn't like that they had to show her the sonogram and discuss other options with her. They shouldn't have to do that.
Obviously a decision like this is not something someone makes lightly- duh. Women are people, we are fully capable of making decisions about our bodies and our health. I can't imagine what it must be like going through that, when you want so badly to end a pregnancy but first you have to be told "oh, but you should really think about this, and this, and this, and this, and this..." I feel like that would be severely traumatizing. No. I came in here for an abortion, not for options.
Another reason why I'm glad I live in Canada- it's just so much less... I don't know, right wing up here. Canada's way more secular than the states as well, for which I am extremely glad. Church and state should be separate- one is a personal belief system that should be chosen after reflection about who you are, the other is how everyone is going to be treated if they do bad or good or this or that. You cannot throw something so personal into something that has to apply to everyone.
Either way, I thought I'd post about it, because it matters to me.

I know, I know, this is a complex issue, it's bound to offend people. I'm not saying you all aren't entitled to your own opinions- diversity makes the world go round. I'm not saying my point of view is right, but I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just what I think. And I'd like to say that I encourage you to have your own opinion about topics like this. I realize some of my language in here is slightly dramatic, but that's how I write, and this is my blog, so no offense intended, deal with it.

yer (stumbleuponin') pal,
swegan :S

Monday, July 16, 2012

My Father:

Lures me into watching action movies solely because they have Jeremy Renner in them.
*narrows eyes*
Clever, dad. Very clever...

yer pal,
swegan :/

This question...

I have been asked this only once and I cannot get over it:
"you can choose to do IB, so why are you complaining about it?"
BECAUSE IT'S HARD. Duh. Just because I chose to do it doesn't mean I wish some convenient excuse for me not to do it would float along. But it never will.
Also, I feel that it is inappropriate to ask something like that of someone who has (along with all my classmates) had to:
-learn 3 bio units over christmas break and make an english project that we had to come up with entirely on our own.
-do a math IB project over semester break
-have a giant-ass booklet detailing every little event in the French Revolution to do over February break
-do world exam review to do over easter break (while on a school trip to europe, no less. I actually didn't do a lot, but it was still there)
-research two papers (EE and IA) over the summer, in addition to starting CAS because nobody told me I should start doing CAS stuff at the beginning of grade 11.

Yes I know I whine about this a lot, but it sucks when you see lots of your friends getting all these school breaks that you just don't get anymore. I have not had a break without any legitimate homework to do since last summer. Every. Single. Goddamn. Day. This. Year. I. Have. Had. Homework.

So don't tell me not to complain.

yer pal,
swegan >:(

The End of Jurassic Park III: My interpretation

As they watch the goddamn pterodactyls fly away at the end because SOMEONE forgot to close the door on the pterodactyl cage, and Dr. Grant is all "Oh, they're free now, the world is their oyster."
My reaction:
"What? WHAT? These are the same creatures that tried to KILL YOU. I repeat: KILL YOU. They attempted to feed you to their young and drop you over a canyon, and the world is their fucking OYSTER? Seriously? You're just going to let them go and find, oh, say, a nice city to populate? People to terrorize? What the fuck is this? What? WHAT? WHAT???"

Seriously, bro? "The world is their oyster?"
I don't get it. I just don't get it. These things tried to kill you but it's totally okay if they populate the rest of the world.

Facepalm.

yer pal,
swegan

P.S. Update: I did not know there were more than three of these movies. Ugh.
Also: on a happy note, there's an ant-man movie coming out in 2014. And you all should know right now: I freaking love Ant-Man. Why? Well, since I've been freakishly watching the animated Avengers series I found on Netflix, that makes Dr. Pym a cartoon scientist. And we all know how I feel about cartoon scientists. They are made of awesome. And science. Science.
*nerdgasm*

Friday, July 13, 2012

DAFUQ

IMDBing at 3:30 AM is not a good idea.
Or at least it was an okay idea until I watched the music video for "Trouble" by P!nk.

I can never hear that song the same way again.... ever. Solely because of the sheriff.
Watch it and you will see what I mean.

yer (frankly, quite disturbed) pal,
swegan 0_0

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

DAMN YOU MAGIC BULLET INFOMERCIAL

Now I want some nachos. Or maybe chips and salsa. Or maybe some pasta. Or maybe a quesadilla (spelling?) or maybe some sorbet. Or maybe a smoothie. Or maybe ...
some food?
Too bad it's 12:20 AM. Tomorrow- tomorrow I will make something delicious.
yer pal,
swegan :)

Yes, I watch the magic bullet infomercial when I get bored. And I have a friend who does it too- much to my delight. I had no idea- but at least I'm not the only one.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

OMFG

Two things:
1. The next episode of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries appears to contain Bing Lee... OMFG GUYS. Finally!
2. Netflix has three seasons of Danny Phantom on it. I used to fucking love that show. And when I say that, I mean it. I watched it all the time when I was 9. Every time it came on. I saw the pilot episode. I loved it. Seeing it on Netflix tempts me, but then I'd have to explain it to my family. And it's already going to be hard enough to explain why I finished watching "Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging" even though it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen because I like watching terrible movies. I can't help it. They drag me in. Also I heard the book was funny, so I thought I'd give the movie a try. I'm sure it was all fine and dandy in the book, but throughout the movie everyone did everything all wrong. I was constantly saying "So just TELL THEM THAT" or "You're fucking FOURTEEN years old! FOURTEEN! Quit whining!" over and over. Seriously. If you like bad movies, that one's worth watching. This also explains why I watched High School Musical at one point. 66.6% of them, anyway.

Didn't anyone else watch Danny Phantom when they were 8-10? I'm trying to remember the theme song now...

yer pal,
swegan :)

P.S. All I remember is the end where they say "Danny Phantom". Good job, swegan, I know.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

REMEMBER THAT THING I SAID?

About how frustrated I was that I was so looking forward to the semester break (the exam weeks) to not have homework this past February, and then they gave us the math IB project, effectively giving us homework over the exam weeks? And then how I said I was looking forward to not having homework this summer?
LIES. BULLSHIT AND LIES.
I have two papers to research- even just that minimal research that I'm required to do counts as homework.
I have fucking homework over summer break.
And then theory, but that doesn't have anything to do with IB so it doesn't count.

IB= eternal homework. Over Christmas break, Exam week (break between semesters), February break, Easter break, and summer vacation.

The best part is the bit in the "Creativity, Action, Service" booklet that says "The purpose of the CAS programme is not to overload students who already have a very demanding academic schedule." (or something along those lines). BULLSHIT. It overloads me way too much. I have to find a sport to do next year, and I am not a sporty kid in any respect (well, aside from dance).

yer pal,
swegan :)
who no longer recognizes the concept of a day where I literally have nothing I need to do (you know, aside from eating and maybe unloading the dishwasher). I'm going to get ulcers before I graduate.

This change is for real.

Hawkeye is no longer my favourite avenger. Ant man is now my favourite avenger. Let's look at this: He's an attractive scientist who'd rather not fight. What's not to like?
Plus he has his own love story going for him. I love to watch love stories :D
yer pal,
swegan :)

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Argh.

Netflix, why haven't you put season 2 of the animated avengers series on yourself yet? I can't find it in order on the internet. Not that I should be, but... well, I'm going through a superhero obsession at the moment.

Perhaps I could try watching Heroes (as my mom suggested, because she loves that show)... although that's not quite what I meant by superheroes.
I guess I'll have to wait. For the next season.

TOO MUCH WAITING. At least January is coming up, so "Shades of Earth" will finally be published so I can read it. I have been waiting for that book since February. It's awful; usually I read series like that after they've all been published (e.g. when I read the Hunger Games trilogy in July last year, by downloading them all onto my kindle while on vacation in Australia. SWEET KINDLE, HOW I LOVE YOU SO).

Anyway. I have some lists to make.
yer pal,
swegan :)