When Seventeen magazine comes in the mail. Some of the things in there are actually quite funny- as in, they had this whole stupid article about how you should be all courageous in your love life like a superhero or whatever, and one of the things they said to do was say to someone "your kisses feel incredible." I rolled on the floor and laughed. Well, rolled on my bed. same thing. It was just so incredibly stupid. Why the hell would I ever say that to someone? They'd just look at me funny and be like "okay....". And then there was a stupid YOLO article.
I am so sick of YOLO. What with Shak and the douche and co parading around the physics room every day and saying "YOLO" after everything... ugh. It's just one of those things, like one direction or that stupid "part of me" song by katy perry, that's just so overused by people my age.
I'm accepting that I didn't get into HYRS. I'm convinced they would have called me by now- of course, I won't know for sure until it's past early June or until the list is posted, but that still really bums me out. However, my parents don't expect me to get a job and I don't intend to. I could, I really could (especially since my resume has been beefed up by my volunteering hours, hahaha), but I don't want to. Powerfully. It's summer, I want to sleep in and eat strangely and write like crazy and sit in the sun. I want to go tubing and relax on the boat and read books and hang out with my friends (and definitely have some of them out to the cabin, provided they understand that at the cabin, you get up, we eat breakfast, we put on our bathing suits and sunscreen, we pack a cooler, we go out on the boat. All day. Every day (unless it rains). I used to hate that and now I'm starting to like it more. There are still days when we just sit around and read (of course freckles always bugs me to set up stupid obstacle courses on the lawn, but I never do because I am a terrible sister and because they will never be fun in my opinion) or walk, but mostly boating.
I tried surfing last year and only went three times, because I kept falling and was afraid I'd hit my head on the ledge at the back of the boat. I guess it would be kind of cool to be able to surf behind the boat. Perhaps I'll try again. Perhaps I'll write a genius, brilliant novel. Perhaps I'll let my family read it. Maybe they'll actually like it. Maybe I'll take up fencing. Maybe I'll do some school related stuff. Point is, I won't be working (I will still have to do some volunteering, however. Hmm... UGH, and harmony lessons. Gross. I am definitely not doing harmony next year. I suck at it, I don't like doing it, I'm not getting any better, and I'm not going to be a composer. The papers I get back are half red pen from corrections.)
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. Not that anyone actually reads this. (I mean, it's a blog without a point. How lame is that? Perhaps I'll post some Camp NaNo updates. :P)
(Una Mentira= A Lie)
So, I saw The Avengers tonight. and OH MY GOODNESS WOW AWESOMESAUCETASTICALNESS. I loved watching how the characters worked together. I loved the Hulk, he was so funny (best scene was when he smashed the guy around, lol). My favourite character, though, was Hawkeye- because in my opinion, he was the cutest. :P And that's mostly it... and you know, he did some cool stuff with the arrows. I liked watching them fly, that was neat. How far special effects have come. AND NOBODY TOOK THEIR SHIRT OFF (except for the Hulk at one point), which made it all the better. I am not one for taking off shirts. Please, leave them on. Or better yet, put on a nice sweater... or perhaps a suit...
Anyway. We left the theater (my parents and I) and I saw another poster with the same guy who played Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner, I think?) and I said, "He's cute." Dad looked at me like I was crazy and said, "He's 47." To which I replied, "He's still cute." How can one person be almost 50 and look that good?
Ah, but wait, my father messed up his facts. According to IMDB, he's only 41 (I definitely used IMDB to look at pictures of attractive actors while seemingly just researching movies). Still.
OKAY. Time to end the creepy internet stalker time and move on. Except for not, because now I'm IMDBing Star Trek again. Which brings us to Una Mentira. Lost in Austen has not replaced Star Trek as my all time favourite movie. It's certainly a glue movie of mine, and I loved it a lot, but today, Star Trek still takes top spot. It's not that I find it more brilliant than anything I've ever seen, but that it has a soft spot in my heart for being the first movie to defy my expectations, and do so powerfully. I didn't even want to watch this movie the first time I did, but my parents made me, and I loved it, and I began to love movies with more action, more adventure, and from there, superheroes. Star Trek was a paradigm shift. That sounds incredibly lame, but that's what it is, and so I will be hard-pressed to find a movie I will like more. But Lost in Austen may have surpassed (or tied) Megamind for #2. I have no idea. Maybe it's the Hunger Games. After the favourite, I just have movies that I like on varying degrees. I am Number Four is not one of those movies. Flipped is. So is Up, and Wall-e. 2001 is probably not that high but it's not as low as I am Number Four. I don't know where they all fit. I just know what I like and don't like. I don't like poorly done novel adaptations. I don't like movies about cops, that one movie with Will Smith where he drives Tom Cruise around while Tom Cruise shoots a bunch of people, sports movies, or war movies. I don't like movies with Adam Sandler (in general, there are a few okay ones). And so forth. Now I'll stop rambling and go back to IMDB stalking attractive actors, because it's keeping me from writing the last scene of a story I'm not allowed to start until June (for Camp NaNo).
Today I walked around behind Sadie and told her a nice fable, a rough summary of the story I'm going to write next month. And I love it, I love it, I love it! I've finally managed to weave a tale with love and magic and adventure and come up with twists and ties that have to be revealed in time, secrets one can't know the answer to if you don't keep reading. I have been wanting for so long to be able to do that. And I could tell it to my dog today. Without missing a detail, and resolving some of the ones I couldn't figure out earlier.
See, one of my strange fears in life is that I won't be able to tell my children stories, won't be able to weave magical tales to tell them before bed every night. But now I think I just might be able to.
This story has given me so much hope and so much excitement and I can't wait to write it. Especially the end- the end is going to be so... epic. Romantic. Awesome. I have written the ending a thousand times in my head already. I can picture it perfectly: the temperature, the faint sounds of the return party below, the curtains blowing in because of the breeze on the one wall of floor-to-ceiling doors that are all open, the smell of flowers and the faintest hint of seawater. The way the characters' voices will hush in the darkness, in the soft evening air, in the sultry breeze. And the way they will kiss each other after having waited the ENTIRE BOOK to do so. Oh, it will be such a good ending... WHY CAN'T IT BE JUNE YET? I want to write this now!\
I kid you not. Star Trek has been replaced. It has been bumped down to number two. Because last night my mom and I watched Lost in Austen on Netflix, a movie in which a twenty-something British girl who is obsessed with reading Pride and Prejudice is sucked into the world of the book, where she is known as Elizabeth's friend and sort of replaces Elizabeth. And she screws up the WHOLE STORY, even though she tries not to. I mean majorly. And that's why it's so entertaining- the story goes all over the place and gets completely crazy (although the guy who played Mr. Darcy did a pretty terrible job) and it's so fun to see that happen. It's three hours long but so worth it. I actually had no idea how it was going to end and that was refreshing, that not knowing. I'm so used to knowing how movies are going to end, being able to totally call it (that's what happens when you like rom-coms). So if you like Pride and Prejudice, you'll like this movie. At least like it, I guarantee, though you might hate the actor who plays Mr. Darcy. And OH MY GOD Mr. Collins was sooooo creepy. It was hilarious.
Anyway. I'll leave you to that, then, watching that movie. I'm not sure if Netflix is just Netflix, or if Canadian Netflix (there are some diamonds in the rough, though most of Canadian Netflix is 500 year old crap movies no one likes or should ever watch) and American Netflix are totally different and this amazing movie isn't even on the US version. Hopefully it is for those of you in the US. BECAUSE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY WATCH IT.
Camp NaNoWriMo is in June and August this year! I'm doing June- I'm only in school for two weeks and it's not like we'll be doing much more other than wrapping up (of course I say that now and will be completely screwed once TOK starts. TOK being Theory of Knowledge, which sounds like, potentially, ESSAYSESSAYSESSAYSPRESENTATIONSHOLYCRAPWHEREDIDALLTHISWORKCOMEFROM). And I have been re-planning my future fantasy story and holy cow, guys, I've never come up with anything I'm this excited about.
Here's the synopsis I posted on the site:
I have no possible way to summarize this, so I will just tell you this: It is a romantic adventure set in a slightly dysopian, post-apocalyptic future in which a girl sets out on an adventure that will ultimately save the world and is followed by the boy she once loved who now loves her and now faces dire consequences should she not return his love. It's also got unicorns, elves, and a character named Douglas Fir. And takes place in North America.
Basically, Canada is a union of small kingdoms, and Mexico is its own kingdom, and some earthquakes separated Florida from the US so that's where all the rich USians live now, because the US itself underwent anarchy and now it's just all book-of-eli-crazy-shit-goings-on and totally dystopian and screwed up. I mean no offense to any people from the US. This is just how it happens in my novel.
THERE'S TOTALLY A KINGDOM OF SASKATCHEWAN, THOUGH. How cool is that, guys? That's where the elves live.
My characters are Douglas Fir (as you know), his right-hand man Tupperware Burke (who really is just a kid, the same age as Douglas's kids), his wife Swegan Fir, and their children Sally and Rhys, who are twins. And then there's Irving Poplar, the elf king (I needed a name, okay? If anyone has a better last name please tell me. Poplar was all I could think of), and Ana, the lost Princess of the Mexican Kingdom, and her father, who doesn't have a name yet but totally needs one. Also, a last name.
When I read Cinderella ate my Daughter, it got me thinking about all those other expectations the whole frickin' world has of girls. That we are crazy. That we are controlling. That we are demanding and needy. That we get soooo emotional on our periods and just want chocolate all the time. That we all want to be mothers. That we are bitchy and oversensitive. And I hate that. I realize I shouldn't be so negative, but this really pisses me off. Especially on Friday when nerd made another one of his stupid sexist jokes. And usually I'm like haha, that's so bad, that's awful. But on Friday, I just decided, no. That's not funny, it's sexist. And I don't like it. So I didn't laugh. People asked why. I said because it wasn't funny. Then somehow I got into an argument with another friend of mine, who is usually fairly decent, but seems (to me) to believe that all feminists are crazy-kill-men-type-feminists. I was trying to keep my cool- I kept a straight face, didn't shout, didn't swear, just calmly explained my position. And she accused me of freaking out. I was all, "I'm not freaking out, does it look like I'm freaking out?" And she was all "Yeah, you are, actually... He was just joking, geez, don't be so sensitive."
Well, I'm sorry for standing up for what I believe in. That sounds cheesy but that's what I was doing. Those jokes aren't doing society any favours, just like jokes that I have even told over the years, jokes that poke fun at serious issues like cancer and racism. I've decided to stop telling those. I didn't tell them very often, but once or twice is too much. And I am sick and tired of hearing all of nerd's stupid joke-rants about how women should be in the kitchen, or that they should be beaten, because it's not funny. And yet by not just laughing and going with the flow, I'm instantly labelled as too sensitive and a psycho-feminist. And it pissed me right off. I just wanted to punch her in the face, she was being so illogical. How on earth am I freaking out while calmly explaining that I don't think those jokes are funny? I am not exaggerating: I sat there with a plain face and kept my voice at a normal level the entire time, and here she is, calling me out for being too sensitive in front of the entire class. She doesn't seem to remember it even happened, but I do, and it was really hurtful to me. I just wanted to leave the room, actually, because I've found that when I get into some situation where I'm starting to get pissed off the best thing I can do is just leave. Often without an explanation. They don't need one, as far as I'm concerned- they can tell what they're doing to piss me off. And usually, that helps- I don't end up saying something mean. I did it once the beginning of the year, when I tried to scare nerd and then he was all "You're not good at scaring people." and I was like "Well, I tried." To which he just tacked on. "At all." Well, this was my boyfriend we were talking about. I was all set to dump him that day. I wish I had. Things most definitely did not get any better and he kept making comments like that and the only reason I kept giving him second chances was because I liked him so much.
Since I've been an antisocial, unhelpful child all day and didn't even give a card. Because I can remember to return my books on time to the University, but I can't remember to get my mother or grandmother a card just to say I recognize that being a mom is not an easy job and I am grateful to you for doing such a good job of it. I know my mom pisses me off sometimes, but that's natural, I disagree. I know the only reason she's pushing me to be a doctor is because she wants what's best for me. I am so glad that she is always trying to help me with schoolwork, that she always offers to read my essays or give me advice on how to deal with things. That she supported me in the decision to maybe drop Math IB, even though I went and did it all anyway. That she raised me (my dad worked a lot when I was little) and took me to dance and put my hair up in buns and did my stage makeup and made my lunches and made me do piano and taught me to be nice to others, to not say anything if I don't have anything nice to say, to love to read, to love to write, to bring gifts to a party. That she sometimes said "I'm so glad I have a kid like you" or "You are so wonderful" to me, just for no reason. That she came to every dance recital, every piano recital, every dance competition, every recognition assembly, every parent-teacher interview. That she has been so involved in my brother's life, my sister's life, and mine.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful mother, even if I disagree with her from time to time. She has always pushed me to do my best, supported me and encouraged me, comforted me, and loved me, through all my good times and my bad. I love you, mom.
It's laughable how terrible it is. I focus too much on Bonaparte and draw too many conclusions, and then at the end I'm focusing too much on how Cavour wasn't afraid to "ask for help" from Napoleon III and that's what got the peninsula unified. As in, nothing about Bonaparte in my conclusion so far...
All my dirty wordcount tricks from NaNoWriMo are in full effect, though. To hell with contractions! Make things as wordy as possible! Of course that noun needs an adjective! Restate that sentence, they probably didn't understand it the first time! Make sure you say the same thing three times! Make it cheesy! Make it awful! MAKE IT FIT THE WORDCOUNT!
Of course then I have to tweak some wordcounds of sections because I have 749 words in my Summary of Evidence and I can't come up with 500-650 words in my Analysis. but still. It's within acceptable length right now, I believe- close to, if not already over, 1500 words, but still less than 2000.
Why couldn't we have just done a stupid essay?
swegan :\ ALMOST DONE, GUYS. AND THEN ALL I HAVE TO DO IS EDIT IT. AND WE ALL KNOW HOW SHITTY I AM AT EDITING THINGS.
Doing your IA sucks. I still don't feel like I have enough relevant research, but I've got like 8 books in my bibliography, and just AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I feel like I can't answer my research question, which I JUST defined now. Literally.
Thank goodness for my history teacher. He may be overly cheesy- for example, he has probably said "Let's create a positive learning environment for your fellow learners" at least 200 times this semester- but he's very helpful. And he's bald from the Bald For Bucks thing and it looks pretty bad. in an amusing way.
But still. I've got my Title page and Plan of the Investigation done! I'm trying to do Evaluation of Sources. I have no idea how to even start with Summary of Evidence, or Analysis. The Conclusion should come pretty easily to me once I've done all that.
On the bright side... DONE MY MATH WORLD EXAM! Hooray! Part I was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, but Part II was awful. Like it was written by a sadistic-satan. Oh, you have calculators for Part II? Well, let's just up the ante a little then... or a lot...times ten....to the power of two... okay, maybe not that bad, but still. We were all upset after it.
Plus now all my other teachers are like "Oh, no more world exam? HOMEWORKHOMEWORKHOMEWORKHOMEWORK!!!!" and it's awful.
Just one more calc test to make up from when I was away, and I'm golden. I'm done high school math. FOREVER AND EVER, GUYS. Woot!
Also, this site is great for explaining a lot of what I'm going through. And what all my IB friends are going through also. And it's funny.
swegan (there needs to be an emoticon for tearing one's hair out, but not literally, just thinking about it.)
SOMEONE must have cared whether or not Napoleon Bonaparte's foreign policies or Napoleon III's foreign policies influenced Italian unification. But no, all any historian cares about is Germany, Germany, goddamnfucking Germany.
There's all of 11 books about Italian Unification in my local university library, and the public library is just a bunch of fiction. At least, on the site. Don't libraries all have to have some reference-y non-fiction-y type books? Although my local library isn't really all that great. I guess I'll have to go and look myself. I guess I should try looking for something on Napoleon's foreign policy... like a book or something. Because if there's one thing historians lover more than German unification (but less than the friggin' French Revolution), it's Napoleon Bonaparte and his whole reign and shit he did.
It's stupid how much this can piss me off but how much I love going out to look for things. I like leaving my house and going out to the library and hunting down information. I don't like reading the books once I have them, I don't like jotting down notes, and I dislike putting the paper together even less, except when my topic is so obviously everywhere that within no time I have no trouble laying down argument after argument, fact after fact. Good thing I have a full tank of gas. The university library is on the other side of town (why they didn't put it downtown and put it so far out of the way, I'll never know) and I have to go down a road that's infamous in my town for connecting the two halves of the city. Also, being fast and dangerous (well, in winter/rain) and it's just so far away and the whole other side of the city is just a bunch of places I don't know, whereas on my side, if I stick to the main streets, I'm set.
It's sad how small my city is, that I can know the layout of it that well.
Anyway. Time to comb my textbooks for information regarding the Kingdom of Italy. Also, combing the internet... I don't trust its answers, but it gives me keywords and topics to look for elsewhere, like in books, for example...
ARGH THIS PAPER IS DUE IN A MONTH AND THE ROUGH COPY IS DUE THE MONDAY AFTER NEXT, ARGH ARGH ARGH.
Yes, I love you, yes, I respect you. But you have GOT TO STOP.
I realize picking out a university is not the same as picking out a high school but I want to go to a smaller one so don't bug me about it, it's my life.
I realize I'm capable of being a doctor and that it has benefits, but I don't want to be a fucking doctor, okay?
And when I tell you I want to get my doctorate in some kind of science (e.g. physics, chem, bio, who knows?) please don't be all "oh, well talk to the people at my office who have PhDs and can't find jobs except at universities." Thanks for filling me with optimism, thanks for encouraging my dream.
I want to be an astronaut whether you like it or not. Stop telling me to be a doctor, stop saying "and then you can have a family", just STOP. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. I've already established that if I live in a really sucky world when I'm old enough for kids, that I'm not having them, because why would I bring people into a sucky world? I have two main goals for my life. 1) See the earth from Space and 2) Publish a novel. Having a family is really not a priority right now. Maybe later, but NOT RIGHT NOW.
So stop, please stop. You can't make these decisions for me. You have to let me make my own mistakes eventually. This is not your life. I am not your puppet. I am not going to be a doctor and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.