Monday, April 30, 2012


as per the advice of Jen in the Purple Pants, I read Cinderella Ate my Daughter on the car ride home. And I was 65% of the way through the book on my kindle and then...

ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY. wtf? I was very disappointed at how short it was, but the book itself was very, very good, and I enjoyed reading it, because I could actually relate to some of it. Like the whole barbie craze thing, I got into that as a kid and watched barbie movies a lot. I don't remember any disney princess movies, ironically, except for mulan (who technically doesn't count) and then sleeping beauty. Those were the two ones I watched a lot. Actually as a kid I've been told my favourite movie was Toy Story and that I wanted to watch that all the time. I also remember liking blues clues and  barney and the teletubbies and Zooboomafoo (IT IS ALSO ON NETFLIX, proving that netflix in Canada does contain some awesome) and some show where a lady made crafts and stuff but I don't remember what it was called. I remember liking spongebob a lot and totally spies. I remember reading Junie B. Jones because it was funny, and Magic Tree House (which we read in class), and then eventually that progressed into the Beacon Street Girls series in middle school, until I reached high school and realized how cheesy those books were. I mean, really, really cheesy. Also the author at one point used leaped when it would have sounded way better to have used leapt, and I honestly don't think those books were a great influence on me as a writer.

So yes, I did grow up with some girly influence. I had barbies and polly pockets and I played with dolls- no special brand, just regular dolls- up until a few years ago, which I am actually totally fine with admitting. I had four dolls and Freckles had five, and they were whole families. They weren't all the same size, either- two of hers were cabbage patch kids (Jada and Kaiya), one was some swims-a-lot cabbage patch kid (Cloe), one was a doll who was supposed to pee but when you tried she just got full of water and smelled funny (Kali), and the other was a boy doll which was the only boy doll we had and also identical to a girl doll I had (Mical (my sister spelled it funny as a kid) and Sally). I had one that burped (Cassedy), one that made squeaky noises (Anna), and one whose eyes closed when you laid her down (Sarah). They had birthdays and interests and everything, and yes, those are the same Cassedy and Anna I wrote about in a something.

And while yes, that kind of stuff interests me, how she's theorizing it might affect girls, it got me thinking about today. Because the stereotype today portrayed everywhere is that women are nagging and annoying and silly and stupid even when they try to be smart, and that they always have to be right and that they get super crabby and mood swingy on their periods and that they're all emotional. Oh, and that we're supposed to be fine with giving blow jobs. I'm sorry, I know it's an awkward topic, but HELL NO, that is disgusting, no way.
I just had that because I'm a girl, I'm perceived to be mood-swingy, weak, bad at arguing, obsessed with shopping, and that I'm supposed to do things like tweeze my eyebrows and shave my legs.
I don't know why I should be expected to shave my legs when boys aren't expected to shave theirs. Or any other place on their body. It's just gross, in my opinion. But I'm sure someday someone will come along and be the male version of me with their own personality and they will be worth overlooking the fact that they may have really dark leg hair that looks gross.

Also: I have my life plan figured out after looking at the csa (Canadian Space Agency?) website and reading the requirements for becoming an astronaut. I'll get a bachelors in a science, then go and get a doctorate, and then be an astronaut and see the earth from space which is my dream, and then I'll come back and never leave again and do research for years and years that enhances people's lives, even if only infinitesimally. Then, when I'm close to retiring/retired, I'll get my PhD in Creative Writing and publish novels. Then, I can be Dr. Dr. (swegan's last name), astronaut-novelist! (I think in some countries with more than one doctorate you can be referred to that way. I'd just say it anyway. DAMN IT that rhymed).

Anyways, writing awaits, though I'm not sure what should happen between Hugh and Leanne, because as of now it's turning into my "not-so-tragic-not-a-love-story" only it's more of a "not-so-tragic-love-story" because there will actually be kissing involved. And again, trampolines, couches in basements, longing... etc etc etc.

yer pal,
swegan :)
I'd say DFTBA but that's not my thing... :P but seriously. DFTBA

Friday, April 27, 2012


with Sadie.

It feels wrong. It feels like this is Mandy's place. She loved it out here, so much. She got to run, spend all day with us, see lots of people, run around...

Also our fridge out here has five zillion magnets from everywhere we've been and I actually really like that.

Holy crap. It's almost 4 AM. I should write, NOW. Too many youtube vids to watch... including the newest installment of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries series ( (which you should seriously watch, because it's made of awesome) which I have been waiting for all week. And then I tried to watch more and they didn't work, argh.

Sometimes I wish we didn't have internet out here. I'd get more done, lol.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Fail Whale.



Personal idols/heroes.

The only grade 12 full IB girl this year is one of my idols- she talked to us about the full IB experience and she actually liked it. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to hear some positivity about this whole IB thing. It was a ray of light in the otherwise gray... "ness" that is EVERYONE ELSE TELLING ME IT'S GOING TO SUCK. I don't want to hear it. Stop scaring me.

Steve from Blues Clues- because he was awesome, and I realize only now, watching Blues Clues as a teenager, how awkward it must have been to act this out and then have them animate the dog and all the other characters in later. I admire him just because of how he did that, and how good he was at it, and how much he taught me as a kid. That show is the perfect example of the goodness of my childhood. It is wonderful.

My parents- I don't agree with everything they do, but the reality is I can see a lot of them reflected in me. I have a lot of my dad's personality, his sense of humour, but I have my mom's brain and logic and some of her ferocity. Sometimes I really hate them, but in reality, I do admire them. And I am a teenager, after all; it's natural for me to disagree, and probably good, too, since otherwise I'd never want to leave.

My sister- she can be kind of silly and really annoying and SUPER STUBBORN sometimes, but the reality is I love her no matter what, because when things are good with us, they're the best.

Mandy- I know you think it's silly. I know everyone says every dog is this way and that every dog owner feels this way. But Mandy was eternally forgiving, full of life, always happy to see people, always letting them know she appreciated them, and always put other people first. That's just the kind of personality she had, eternally giving with little taking.

Obama- because he's done so much good for a country that (in my opinion) needs it so badly. Lots of people say he hasn't done anything, he's made things worse, but hey- he walked in to a pretty awful situation left over from Bush and the economic depression in 2008. He has to get things back to okay before they can get any better.

My math teacher- because she is AWESOME and has made me like math, has helped me understand it, and has always been patient with me. She is so good at explaining things and working through them and getting things done on time, and she has always made me feel like I am capable of all this math stuff, even when it came to Calc IB. She was one of the many who said I needed to do it because I was capable of doing it.

My 9th grade gym teacher- because he was actually mature, actually cared about people, and was constantly teaching the boys in our class to respect women. I am not kidding- whenever we lined up for helmets/hockey sticks at the skating rink, the girls always went first and then the boys. Always. Also, after three years of middle school gym teachers, he was the complete opposite end of the spectrum, and I actually learned a bit about how to play some sports and finally learned how to do a layup. He also made health class really fun, because he was mature when he needed to be and made us laugh the rest of the time, and kept everyone in line.
Also, he just about cried when he had to leave our school for the stupid west side high school which is a giant good-teacher-sucking parasite. It was heartbreaking. I miss him a lot.

My elementary school gr. 1, 2, &3 teacher- because she encouraged my love of writing and was just an excellent teacher in general. I have nothing but good memories of her.

My middle school 6th grade teacher and 8th grade science and math teacher- because she was enthusiastic, short (like I was), and smart. She was one of my favourite teachers of all time, and she made middle school just a little bit lighter.

My piano teacher- because she is seriously the most forgiving person in the world, I am not even kidding. No matter how much I don't practice or don't improve, she just smiles and asks how I am and helps me with my songs and supports me and occasionally listens to things that have happened in my life. I always expect her to be mad, disappointed, let down, and she never is, and she is an inspiration to me because of that, and I am so happy to know her.

My friends- because they are funny and generous and supportive and listen to me rant, which I appreciate beyond belief. I try to do the same but I never feel like I can be quite as golden as they are.

Please note: none of these people are perfect and sometimes they do things I don't like or agree with. But it is because of the rest of the time when I do agree or strive to be like them that they are my heroes and idols, and it is because of that that I am happy to know them.
In general I'd say all of my teachers, too- my school is full of wonderful adults. Of course I don't know all of them, but the ones I've met are fantastic.
And I know this is a long list, but you can't tell me you guys don't have a list in the back of your mind somewhere of your favourite people, the ones you strive to emulate, the ones you look up to, the ones you admire. And I bet if you wrote it down, it'd be pretty long too.

yer pal,
swegan :)

P.S. THAT WAS A CHALLENGE! I DARE YOU TO MAKE YOUR OWN LIST! Because I'm curious about you guys. Who are your heroes and idols?

Sunday, April 22, 2012


I sent him our nice presentation that I had all done up so that it made sense and didn't look like it was just copied and pasted off the documents on moodle (WHICH IT WAS), and he sends it back and he's completely changed the design, deleted all my pictures and added new ones, added a bibliography we didn't FUCKING need, and added in all the unnecessary words I'd deleted from his copying-and-pasting so it's longer. Also, he deleted my two slides regarding the effects the revolutions had AFTER 1848.

So now I have to go through and figure out what the fuck he's done with this. Also, I've been sending him like two sentences in the email each time, saying hey, this is what I changed, and in the last one I asked him to just add any changes he though were necessary and then TELL ME. But he didn't so now I get to comb through the presentation, figure out what the hell it says, and get prepared.
Thankfully, his computer won't open moodle, but mine will, so I was the one to post the final copy on the forum. I added in my slide about the effects, only shortened because he'd MADE the presentation so goddamn long and uploaded it. Then I sent him an email and I said "this is the final copy that's going up on moodle." I wanted to say "and thanks for letting me know about all the changes. You just ruined our presentation. My grade is going to decrease thanks to you." What a tool. What an idiot. What an asshole. What a douche.

My social teacher needs to stop picking random groups/partners. When I worked with fex, tudo, and nerd, our poster looked awesome and was super informative.

See, not all of us pick bad groups, and its unfair to torture those of us capable of picking good groups because there's like three or four people in the class who can't.

Actually I hate projects. I would seriously rather just take notes and maybe hand in questions and write tests and shit. It's not the presenting I hate, I'm totally fine with presenting because I've learned I'm not actually that bad, and I'm confident when I know I'm right and I know what I'm talking about. I suck at presenting when I have no idea what my partner's done to our presentation THE NIGHT BEFORE WE PRESENT.

Stress level=10000. I have an essay on Wednesday I'm only 1/4 prepared for. AAAAAH!! World exam for math in 1.5 weeks (first week of may, guys, the 3rd and 4th)!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!! Although after that I'll be done with high school math. Forever. and ever. That's odd. Just when I start getting the hang of it, too. Oh well. At least now I won't have to do math questions EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. That gets to me after awhile.
But right now I have to figure out what the fuck it is I'm supposed to be talking about tomorrow. Our presentation looked nice when I did it- just one of the design themes in powerpoint. Now it's just blue. Seriously. It's a presentation that looks like it was made by the douche. Ugh. This is almost as bad as when nerd and I presented that god-awful macbeth thing last semester. That was really bad.

I still don't know what I got on that big english presentation. I remember what I did, too- I compared one of the books we read, Brave New World, with a couple of Zombie stories from the Zombies vs. Unicorns anthology in terms of genre- the former was dystopian, the latter were post-apocalyptic. I felt really good about that presentation.
Anyway. Things to do, uck. I want to write. But I guess, this is what I signed up for, this full IB. Oh well.

yer pal,
swegan >:\  <-- that's a grumpy face. incase you didn't know :P

Stupid quote:

"What's meant to be for you will find its way to you." Except on the google+ picture I found, the its had an apostrophe. So it actually said "What is meant to be for you will find it is way to you."

What a stupid, stupid, stupid quote. That encourages people to be lazy because stuff is meant to happen to you so go ahead and do whatever the fuck you want in the meantime.
NO. Nothing is "meant to be", don't give me any fate crap. You make your own life, people, the power is in YOUR HANDS, not something as ambiguous and stupid as fate. So don't sit around and wait for it to come to you because it is "meant to be." Go out and get it. Live your fucking life. It's not going to come to you unless you're trying.

This quote also implies you shouldn't make change. FALSE! Make change in your life. Make change every day. Do something. Do anything. But PLEASE DON'T SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN.
Be Proactive. Go. GO!

yer pal,
swegan :)

Even I don't understand

why I like watching infomercials sometimes. Specifically, that one magic bullet one where they're all "HEY RANDOM 10000 PEOPLE WE JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE IN OUR HOUSE! LET US MAKE YOU SOME FOOD AND CLAIM IT TAKES SECONDS WHEN IN REALITY THE MAGIC BULLET CANNOT COOK PASTA!"

I'm really not funny when I'm tired. Not that I'm funny normally, but it's just sad now.

Sadder: I meant to take notes for my social project, not get caught up on youtube. I was watching the Lizzie Bennet diaries (SEARCH THEM UP. They are epic.) and it just sort of spiraled from there. The whole "oh-I'll-just-watch-this-one-video-and-then-get-some-work-done-no-really" sort of thing.

Now I really will. Promise.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Saturday, April 21, 2012


Letter in the National Post about abortion again, saying "we need to have a debate about abortion, no holds barred" etc. They also went on to say that pro-choicers are pro-"choice-but-not-that-choice". I don't think you understand, Dr. whatever your name was. I am pro-choice because it means I can choose to have an abortion or NOT to have one. That's the point. That's why it's called pro-choice. DUH.
And I hate that everyone who's so vehemently against abortion is called pro-life, when sometimes forcing a mother to give birth can kill the mother. That's not very pro-life, now is it?

And then there's the issue of fetuses with severe mental handicaps. Some of those fetuses will never grow up to be independent. Never will they be able to be anything, or live on their own. I understand not all mental disabilites are like this and that there are many independent people today living with a mental disability, and that is awesome. But why would you bring into the world a child who will always need your support and who will never have their own life?
I don't disrespect you if you do, that is your own choice. If you choose not to find out about the fetus's possible  disabilities, that's your choice.

See, I think we can't enforce our own opinions on other people. We can't tell them how to be sometimes, regardless of whether we thing they are doing good or bad, right or wrong. Some things are flat-out black and white bad or good. Like murder- that's just wrong. There's no debate about it. But because there is such a debate about abortion, I say, just leave it open. You can choose to have an abortion or you can choose not to have an abortion, but the point is YOU CAN CHOOSE. If you just say "nope, abortions are illegal" then you've taken away that choice.
It's not like someone else's choosing to get an abortion affects you negatively. You might believe that it is wrong, but I'm sorry, it's not your place to decide. That's why if pro-"life-but-not-that-life" people finally get their way and pass anti-abortion legislation, they're making the choice for everyone. Nobody should get to make your choices for you if you are of sound mind. Nobody.

That's where I stand. I don't mean any offense to anyone and I certainly encourage everyone to have their own point of view. I'm not trying to sway anybody... okay, maybe I am just a little. Because I think I have it figured out, just like everyone else on the planet. I think my point of view makes sense and is valid. Not that other people's points of view aren't valid.
And no, I'm not taking back the "life-but-not-that-life" comment. If in obstetrics, mom comes first (as told to me by an obstetrician I know), why does this not apply when the mother considers abortion? It isn't baby first, I'm sorry to tell you. As terrible as it is, mom can always make another baby. You can't make another mom.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this- I might not agree, but I do love a good debate where everyone has time to say their part.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


I have 82 credits and I have to take 10 classes next year even though technically my schedule only fits 8.

AND my IA books are overdue.

Trip was good. Although my friends and I hung out with one of the grade 12 drama guys on the trip and whole bunch and when we got back my dad asked me "So, is this (so and so) your new boy?" Most embarrassing question ever. Really, dad?

Today in social I was moving my desk to work with my partner (he's a giant okay douche. I know that doesn't make any sense, but it does. he's full IB, he plays clarinet in band, and yet he tries to be all cool and wheel LGs. It's just sad, really. but he can be okay, when he's not hanging out with shak, who is just annoying. Thank goodness he's moving) and looked around and nerd was definitely staring at me. I have no idea if it was just one of those comfortably-looking-into-the-distance-but-i'm-in-that-general-direction moments or if he was genuinely full of regret.

I want him to regret. I feel like I'm the only one who was saddened about this and he was just totally fine. But if he's a little regretful, like oh, maybe I shouldn't have given her up, then I'll be a bit better. I stared back, and he did for about five seconds, and then looked away. It was probably just one of those staring-into-the-distance things but I sat down with a smug smile anyways. Also he was being a sexist jerk at lunch so I'm going to go ahead and think less of him. Stupid asshat.
It's also very gratifying to feel like I'm good enough to be missed. It's not that I have low self esteem... speaking of which, I have to go on a rant about that song by one direction now.

A couple of girls in my class were obsessed with it a few weeks ago, so I heard it a bunch. "Beautiful". And... I have to say...
The lyrics say that the girl is beautiful because she doesn't know it. So being insecure is beautiful? What if you're secure? What if you think you're beautiful? Does that make you ugly? I mean, obviously not a full-of-yourself-i'm-so-gorgeous-look-at-me kind of thing. More of a I-can-look-in-the-mirror-and-like-what-I-see thing.
Also, the lyrics say "if only you saw what I could see/you'd understand why I want you so desperately". So.... you only want this girl because she's beautiful? Because of what you can see? That's a little shallow, don't you think?
And again, in the first bit, where the lyrics say that "being the way that you are is enough". So it's just enough? So being the way you are without makeup is "enough"? REALLY?
That's like that line from the one movie where some girl is getting proposed to, and the guy's like "if in 90 years we're still doing that, that'll be good enough for me." The first thing I thought was, RED LIGHT, GIRL. RUN AWAY. I don't want to be "good enough". I want to be thought of as "more than enough". If you tell someone you care about that they are more than enough, that they are amazing and wonderful (now that I think about it, even "more than enough" sounds iffy), then that someone is probably more likely to reciprocate those feelings and show redamancy than if you just say "you're good enough". I mean, come ON, guys. Maybe next time we want to think the lyrics through a little more?

I know the meaning behind the song is good, though. And it's better than singing some dumb rapping song about money and getting girls and getting laid and owning nice cars and chandeliers and drugs and booze, like rappers do. E.g. T-pain, Pitbull, etc...
Songs have been getting better about that lately, saying "You're awesome" instead of just being about love.

Isn't it funny that most songs are about love? I pointed that out to my mom when I was about 11, and she said "Well, what else are they going to sing about? Y'know... 'My dog... is a really great dog..'" and that made the point.


yer pal,
swegan :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

This is what our new puppy looks like:

Only she has white paws, white on the end of her tail, white on her chest, and a little bit of white on her nose.
It's those eyes. It's impossible to stay mad at them.
Of course, someday she'll look like this:
Which is considerably bigger. As in her head comes up to my shoulder and I'm average height (maybe slightly below).
I think Sadie is a good name for her, though.

No lie:

[Today, at lunch]
Nerd: In french we had to look up French advertisements, so I typed "(insert words in french for "French advertisments" here)" into google images and I swear, half the results that came up were porn.
(I debated over saying this for a minute)
Me: That must have been a hard class for you.

I know it's not very good. I was just glad I could think of it on the spot. High school has made me dirty minded.
yer pal,
swegan :)

Sunday, April 1, 2012


My parents are nerds and bought a nice book once upon a time about pretty much the entire history of Europe. I don't think they've really had any use for it until now. Because guess who needs as many sources as she can get her hands on for her IA?

ME! And this book is wonderful- it's called "Europe: A history" by Norman Davies. It's 1365 pages long, I think- as thick as my thumb is long- and has this wonderful appendix at the back full of tables and charts and graphs, some of which I can actually use to understand the context of Italian history. It's just wonderful and beautiful and oh so lovely and I am so glad my parents are nerds.

I have to marry someone who's a big nerd like me, someone who loves space and reading as much as I do. Someone who always says they don't like things until they try them and then admit that they're pretty awesome. Because if the world is not a terrible awful horrible place to live (yes I know that should probably have commas or something) by the time I'm old enough to have children, then I want them to grow up in a house where being curious and trying your very best at absolutely everything and wanting to know more are good things, and where being smart won't get you teased. I also want to teach my kids never, ever to bug someone about how much money they have, regardless of whether the other kids are like "Oh, you're so poor" or "Oh, look at the rich kid." Both ways are mean and isolating and make people feel like crap. I've been teased about being rich and I will not have anybody tell me that I'm complaining about nothing. I don't get it much anymore, but good grief, I was so sick and tired of everyone else bugging me about it. I'm not rich. Stop saying that, please just shut up.

I want to marry someone smart, someone who cares about the way they look enough that they are presentable, and someone who doesn't buy into all that shit that's on the internet and t-shirts about how once you're married it's game over for the man or whatever and how the woman will be a total bitch and order you around and you'll never have any fun again. Someone who doesn't make fun of me, who supports me and loves me and is my very best friend. In turn, I'll support them, of course, and love them, and not make fun of them, and all that. And then we'll buy a giant book about Europe together, just in case we need it someday.
Ooh, and maybe a great big dictionary. Mmmm, dictionaries. Me gusta palabras...

Me gustaria escribir. I think I may have finally found the right ending to Cassedy and Brian's little story (after writing out about four different endings) and it involves her car, the road at night, UVB-76, and a giant emu... UVB-76 scares the shit out of me in the best possible way. Creepy Russian cold war broadcast.... eek.

If you decide to youtube that, I sincerely hope none of you click on the video that sometimes pops up on the side of "animal with human face" because we watched that in English and I keep waiting to have a nightmare about it. It was the scariest fucking thing I've ever seen. DON'T CLICK ON IT.
Unless, of course, it's 2PM on a Tuesday afternoon and you're with your friends and you can hear kids in the park outside. I feel like then it would be less threatening. Although inside a classroom with 24ish other nerds in the middle of the day was pretty creepy.

I bet someone'll watch it now and make fun of me for thinking it's scary. To which I say: don't lie. It freaked you out, just a little bit. The weensiest of weensies, if you insist.