Thursday, January 26, 2012

Swegan reacts to: Seventeen magazine.

I'm trying to figure out how to gain some good out of the fact that my grandparents got me a magazine subscription for seventeen magazine for Christmas. Meaning, I get 12 issues of this magazine this year. One magazine a month. And OH MY GOD, the whole thing is pictures. There are two articles in the edition I just flipped through- one about bad relationships, and one about the occupy wall street movement. So the latter was actually kind of interesting- too bad it was about the shortest thing ever. One page. Nothing compared to that 20-page article on the anthrax scare in the states that I read in Wired.

Plus, it's a bunch of fashion and makeup tips, which are highly wasted on me. I don't wear makeup- I don't own any, I don't have time in the morning, I'm pretty enough on my own- it's just not a priority. And the fashion shown in here is pretty much just grabbing a bunch of random clothes and throwing them on, then grabbing a bunch of random jewelry and throwing that on, and calling it "chic". I'm sorry, but that just looks trashy. Is that seriously what's "in style" nowadays? Just sad.

And then the rest of it is all about Valentines' day. And how "oh, you and your guy should have a romantic date planned, here's how to look flirty, bla bla bla." and the thing is...

None of this relates to my life at all. NONE OF IT. I feel like my life, my relationship, the way I'm living, is wrong, or fake or something. Like this stupid quiz for some movie- THEVOW. All one word, all capital letters, APPARENTLY. Let's go through this quiz together based on my life, shall we?

"It's Valentine's day, and you and your guy.... A) have something super romantic planned or B) are going to wing it- as long as you're together!"
Um, neither, but let's go with B, since it's closer to the truth. I haven't even spoken of Valentine's day yet. (One week exactly after I get my braces off, though... woot!)

"You hear him talking to his friends about you... A) and it is all such sweet stuff or B) and he sounds a little lukewarm."
Well, I've never actually heard my nerd talk about me to anyone before... so what do I do now? I'd say probably B- he thinks sweet stuff, I know he does, he just doesn't say it. Such a nerd.

"It's the big game, and you came down with the flu... A) he's by your side on the couch with soup and a movie or B) he's IMing you with regular updates".
I can't even answer this one. Does his nickname not tell you enough? And who says girls can't watch "the game", whatever that is? Is it the world junior hockey thing I can never remember the name of? Is Canada playing? 'cause ho boy, if they are, I'm watching. And cheering. Is it the olympics, the gold medal game/event? I'm watching. Girls can watch sports too, you know.
Also, my parents would never let me be alone with him, so that cancels A, and he'd never WATCH the frickin' game in the first place because HE'S A NERD, so that cancels B.

I can't even finish this stupid quiz. And yes, that bothers me.
And what else is there? 10 beauty tips every girl should know. except wait, I don't have time to put on makeup in the morning. And wearing false eyelashes is something i've never done and only will do for either A) halloween, or B) dance recitals (if I still took dance). and tips on how to wear liquid eyeliner and make your hair wavy.... well, that involves curling your hair, and my hair just doesn't do that at all, so there goes that, and again, I DON'T WEAR MAKEUP. Different ways to do up my hair? Um, for what? I'm going to school, I'm going to be taking notes all day, and my friends certainly don't care if I wear the same old ponytail every day.
Oh, this is just useless- what kind of perfume to wear based on what "kind" of crush you have. except wait, there's only three options- rugged, indie, and smooth. I'm dating a NERD. is nobody else doing that?

Okay, I have to give them credit for one thing- saying diets are dumb. THANK YOU. So many girls need that.
Hmm, how to flirt. um.... nevermind.

OH MY GOD GUYS, WAIT. there's a hot guy calendar in here.
!!! how useless is that? I don't want to stare at a bunch of shirtless guys with abs- I will take brains over brawn any day of the week.
How to pull an all-nighter is really not what you should be telling people. Cramming for a test that way is bad. You're probably more likely to do better if you just get some sleep, so GO TO BED.

And lastly, something I'll call "How to make your pajamas/lazing-at-home-alone-wear look really "in style" but also how to make wearing it really uncomfortable." I mean, really? Pajamas? Stuff you'd wear at home? Plus, this is just more of throwing-on-lots-of-clothes-and-jewelry so really, I'm not buying it.

And then okay, the article about dating violence WAS smart to include. So they get credit for what, three things?

YAY HORRORSCOPES. I love reading horoscopes just 'cause. I don't believe them, but they're fun to read anyway.
Apparently near the 8th i'll help a friend patch up a shaky romance... only one I can think of, and I'm sorry, that one was doomed from the start, and I don't know what that guy was thinking. Then apparently on the 10th a "sudden attraction" will occur that will make valentines day more... exciting.
Um. the 10th is a friday, right? (3 days after i get my braces off). hmmmm. Most likely, though, nothing will happen.

Holy shit. I just realized I have a friend in said "shaky relationship" who has the same horoscope i do. so what if... we helped each other patch up each other's relationships and then both had a really good valentine's day? I mean, it's something to think about.

This is why I love horoscopes: I love getting carried away. So okay, there's some good in this magazine.
I still wish I'd gotten Wired, though. That's my favourite magazine- it's filled with nerdy stuff. And I am a really, really, REALLY big nerd.

Yer pal,

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I will write forever. Literally. I could.

I watched Tangled 3 times in 3 days. This explains why I had one of three songs from that movie circulating through my head during my math diploma exam (the one about dreams, the really cheesy and cute one in the lanterns, and then the one about what she does in her tower... i don't know the names of the songs). Which did not help me concentrate on all the stupid trig identities.

However, I got the criminal records check letter for my volunteer hours and completed the interview with the volunteer coordinator. The hardest question? What did I consider my best qualities. I think I said talkative. I'm outgoing, I get along well with people. They told me about some of the stuff they do there, like dance activities and movie afternoons, and it sounds like it'll be a really fun thing to do. It's once a week, and I bet I'll love it.

Math diploma is DONE! I only guessed on two questions, I think. I used that half-cheaty method of just trying out all the different multiple choice answers until I found one that worked (that is why I love multiple choice for math and science... 'cause sometimes in English/Social, the answer you want isn't there, or there's more than one). And whenever I came across some big yucky trig thing that said "what is this big ugly equation equal to, A, B, C, or D?" i was like "Pfft. I'm just graphing this."
Let me just say, I love my graphing calculator to the ends of the earth. And it's not like I'm stupid just because I don't solve things algebraically when it's not necessary. I still figure out how to solve the problem- I don't see how there's anything wrong with that. As long as I'm not just getting the answers and not learning anything, then to hell with "the correct method". I'll sub all four multiple choice options for X if I have to.

Okay. Two dreams I have in life (the song in the movie really got to me):
1. To publish a novel. And make some money off of it.
2. To fall in love. As stupid as it sounds, it's something I really want. I don't know what it's really like, and that's not that hard of a dream to fulfill, I think. Of course I probably just jinxed it... or maybe jinxes aren't real... either way, I guess I really don't know.

and now, to celebrate the end of my first diploma course... I hope I did well on that exam, 'cause that's what's getting me into university. Eeek.

I don't know what I'll do in the real world, but hey, maybe I would be good at management.

Yer pal,
swegan :)

Sunday, January 22, 2012

One other thing:

I CANNOT FRICKIN' WAIT FOR MARCH 23, 2012. That's when the Hunger Games movie comes out... of course, it'll probably be impossible to get tickets for ever and ever.

This movie doesn't come out for two months, and Shades of Earth, the third book in the Across the Universe series, doesn't come out for a whole YEAR, and then the third book of the I am Number Four series... well, I have no idea when that's gonna come out (there has to be a third, you must understand. Anyone who read The Power of Six knows that there just HAS to be another book... if there isn't, I'm gonna be SO frustrated). I just have to keep waiting, waiting, waiting...

Although Breaking Dawn part 1 came out and I still haven't seen that. It's playing at the lame, much cheaper movie theater that is much closer to my house now. Maybe I should go see it, considering I do actually like Twilight and all.

But watching that hunger games trailer... I think my favourite part is when they show them all running to the cornucopia. My stance on casting has changed; I think that Josh Hutcherson actually works really well as Peeta, but they cast Katniss wrong and cast Gale VERY VERY wrong. Also, the scene with the reaping was too grand and too blank and white for it to possibly look real. I imagined a nice little town centre, modest, but with green grass, a building with a clock on it for city hall... not some technology-ridden, devoid-of-colour wasteland.

Oh, whatever. They know those books are freaking amazing, and they know they better not mess them up.

I wonder if I'll like that movie better than Star Trek...


We all know the Star Trek movie released in 2009 is my all-time favourite movie. Because I like space, and I like adventure, and I like the characters (or as much as I knew about them). I've seen one old Star Trek episode, and it was "The Trouble with Tribbles". We read the script aloud in ninth grade English. I got to be Scotty.

Aaaaand... my dad keeps bugging me about Chris Pine, for whatever crazy dad reason he has. I think he's just trying to embarrass me.
Thing is... the guy who plays Spock in that movie reminds me of my friend tupperware. Well, when the actor is dressed as Spock, I mean. I just IMDb'd the movie, and the guy who plays Spock (Zachary Quinto) has REALLY BIG EYEBROWS. It's just weird to see him not as Spock.
On one hand, he reminds me of tupperware. On a completely different hand that is light-years away from the first hand, he looks really cute as Spock. Not gonna lie.

And now I just want to watch Star Trek. Except it's 3 AM and I can't reasonably sneak back down to the basement to watch it NOW. Freckles and I watched both of the Princess Diaries' movies, and I had no idea it would take this long. I'm wide awake now and I don't want to sleep at all. I want to watch Star Trek.
It's times like this that it would be extremely handy to have a DVD drive on my computer. Unfortunately for me, I don't. (First World Problem!) and I don't know where that attachment thingie for DVDs is because I gave it back to my dad when he let me have it to use with my old computer (which also did not have a DVD drive) (it's probably not a DVD drive, is it... it's probably a CD-ROM drive or something. I am not a computer nerd) because it took up too much space in my drawer and I wouldn't know how to work the thing anyway if I did find it, which I can't, because it's 3 AM and rummaging through the basement now might cause my parents to worry (that someone's breaking into the house etc.). So, my only option as of now is to either a) convince Freckles to watch it with me tomorrow (which will never, ever happen, because she doesn't like the movie) or 2) wait until Monday to watch it. I'm on exam week break, hooray, and I could probably watch it without anyone caring where I am on Monday. Freckles'll be at school and dad'll be at work, of course. I could very reasonably sneak down into the basement with my bowl of Froot Loops and just pop the DVD in...
Or I could just go down and watch it now... it's not like I have to be up early tomorrow anyway...

But of course dad would hear and come down and chuckle at my silliness. I could watch that movie a hundred thousand MILLION times and it would never, EVER get old. It's not my glue movie (a glue movie is, according to the Book of AWESOME, a movie that, whenever it comes on, glues you to it, preventing all other things you had planned to get done that day from getting done), but it's still my favourite movie. Ever. Followed by another one I can't remember. hmm. UP would be on the list near the top, too. I have a bunch of movies that I like, but I can't possible order them any better than the knowledge that I like one the best and the rest of them are good but don't have a ranking other than not the one I like the best.

Blah. I don't know.
I watch that movie too often, though. So much that I almost know all the lines.
Then, we watched Star Wars during Christmas break, and I start to rank those. (I like the second one best because Anakin is SUCH A BIG DORK and it's just hilarious. The first one is the worst because too much is crammed in and it paces really poorly...aside from that one line that the actor says in such a catchy way: "Red group, blue group, everybody this way!" ha! you can tell I seriously have no life. But I still have more to say! Like that when Han Solo was first introduced, I hated him, because he was so pushy. And that I don't understand why everyone hates Jar Jar Binks so much; he's really not that bad. And NOBODY EVER FRICKIN' TOLD ANAKIN HE HAD A DAUGHTER. Just sayin'. Also, it might have been useful to mention to Luke and Leia that they were related before she kissed him? Huh? And I totally called Darth Vader's identity before it was revealed (Anakin skywalker and Luke Skywalker have the same last name, and we all know that one "Luke... I am your father" line) and why the hell didn't he react when the Emperor told him that the disturbance in the force was HIS SON? And then there's the design of that control centre for those useless droids; why would you leave the bay door open and have the reactor RIGHT THERE? I mean, come on... and same for the Death Star. Really? And why didn't they just blow up the planet and then the rebel base in the fourth or fifth one? (I haven't gotten my numbers straight with those two quite yet).

I crossed that out because I didn't feel you needed to read my big long rant of things-they-did-wrong-with-star-wars.
I'll just find some way to occupy my time until I'm tired enough to sleep. I promise I'll get something done on my Math IB project, or I'll do another math review booklet tomorrow, I tell myself. review booklet + writing on any story I choose/editing Camp Lame-o OR some sort of progress on my IB project. But seriously. I am probably such a big nerd for thinking so, but Spock is cute in that movie. Can't pinpoint why, so BLAH.

Let's just say, Michael Buble is not my only celebrity crush. And now I feel like a very girly girl. But POOH TO THAT BEING A BAD THING. I can be a girly girl if I want to and there is nothing wrong with that at all.
Yer Pal,

Saturday, January 21, 2012


I love stumbleupon. it found a wonderful cupcake recipe for me. my sister and i tried it yesterday, minus the meringue part.
instead, we just flattened out the cookie dough so that it covered the top of the cupcakes like icing. The result? I can only stand to have one a day since they're so rich. but i'm sure the whole recipe would have been delicious, it's just that freckles and i made them around 3 and it took awhile. i made two batches of the cookie dough, just so we could have one to eat.

But, yeah. These cupcakes take a lot of ingredients, but it's so worth it. They're delicious, decadent, (is that the right way to spell that word?), rich, chocolatey. Maybe that's because there's a cup of cocoa powder in them, but meh.
yer pal,
swegan :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

SOPA rant...

So, I really don't know what SOPA is exactly, but... from what I've heard, it would pretty much shut down the internet. And what I'm ranting about is, did the people who wrote the bill and the people who are debating it even think about what a colossal effect it would have on this generation?

Did anyone consult anyone who actually knows how to use the internet, who actually surfs it daily and has places they go, and websites they use? I'm guessing that the majority of teenagers in North America do this daily. And I'm guessing most of the old white guys in power in the states don't like the internet, or don't know much about it.

One thing to really take into consideration is how we've been taught, we the internet generation. From elementary school, I have been told and instructed how to use the internet for research, how to find credible sites, how to cite my work, etc etc. Not once have I ever been taught how to use a library, or a reference book (aside from textbooks). And if you start enforcing your copyrighting infringement bill all over the internet, you're going to cause a massive change.

From what I've heard, this bill would pretty much destroy the internet. Many sites would apparently fall under the type of "copyright infringement" that this bill pushes, and then what would be left? Probably not enough to be able to do research for a science lab, or a social paper, or an English project. And so what are we, the internet generation, supposed to do? Am I supposed to learn how to use the little library that my school possesses, on top of all my IB classes? Are my peers supposed to do that on top of their jobs and volunteer hours and social activities? My school library isn't very big. If we couldn't use the internet for research, it would be packed, quickly. Plus, I have to wonder if the library in my city would have enough relevant information for certain subjects, enough up-to-date books and journals.

Getting to the library probably wouldn't be very easy for most kids, either. It'd be a stretch to imagine my parents letting me go there alone to study for hours every day. I'd rather be at home after school, but I'm afraid with my class schedule and curiousity, I'd have to be at the library all afternoon every day. And what about the kids who can't drive? I suppose they could take the bus, but I'm sure there'd be some kids who can't afford to do that all the time, can't afford a bus pass, and have parents that can't afford the time to take them to the library and back all the time. And in weather like this- it's been at least -15 every day since Saturday, and my fingers, toes, and legs go numb driving to school with two pairs of mittens on, one pair of which are my dad's nice n' cozy super-winter mittens- walking is a stupid idea. Lots of kids don't wear mittens, or toques, or the right shoes. I'm sure lots of kids can't afford them.

Look, I know I may be blowing things out of proportion, but this seems to be a very drastic bill that could potentially have a lot of major effects on the way society works. What about all those people who work for those sites that would be virtually shut down? Do you want to cause a global economic collapse?

My bottom line is, you need to consult a variety of people. Get a variety of opinions, perspectives, and worldviews (that whole grade 8 social studies curriculum finally comes in handy, now that I use that word outside of school for the first time) before you do something potentially drastic that could affect a lot of people.

And when I say I lot, I mean almost every country, ever continent. Worldwide. So many sites are based in the US... If you shut a bunch of major US companies down, what are the potential repercussions globally? Hmmm?

Think and consult before you pass something that changes so much. That's all I'm saying.


Is what I shouted in my car once I got home.
I'm finally done! My (supposedly) hardest semester of full IB in high school! :D :D :D I'm so happy! I've now officially passed Chemistry 20IB, Biology 20IB (at least, I'm pretty sure, but I don't know my mark yet), and English 20IB. As soon as I write my diploma, I've passed Math 30IB. FRICK YES. So happy!

And so today I'm not doing any homework, not a smidgen. That is the first time since the start of this semester I've been able to do this on a school day. Ahhh... so nice!

Of course, I still have that math IB project to contend with, but I know I'll get it done. I'm scared shitless of 31IB math, though- calculus. First two days, review of math 30 stuff. Next two days, limits. Notes every day until the bell, tests at lunch. Miss 2 days, you're hooped (as my math teacher said- word for word). Miss 5 days, and apparently you might as well drop the class.

0_0 I really hope I don't get sick next semester... plus, I'm going to miss a couple of days when we leave for Europe with the school! crap.
I'm still hoping it'll be hard enough that I'll have an excuse to drop it. I'll give it two weeks, I promise. Until Valentine's day, because we start back on the 31st of january and that's a tuesday and the second tuesday after that is the 14th. I promise to give it at least two weeks, and then I'll know for sure.

Jokes. We all know I'll be on here again, hemming and hawing about whether I should just keep plodding along or not. Every time I bring it up with this one girl in my class, she always says "no, don't drop it!" which surprises me, because we're friends but not the same closeness of friends that I am with Tudo and Fex. Or with Nerd and Tupperware, even.
But... I hope maybe this time will be different. I hope this time, I'll know for sure, that I can just make the decision. At the very least, I know my mom will support me, and I know Tudo and Fex will. I know that everybody in the class and the teacher and my dad probably won't (my dad thinks I'm smart enough so I should just take the class).

I CANNOT WAIT TO GET MY FRICKIN' BRACES OFF. the wire in the roof of my mouth is digging into my tongue again, only this time, it won't go away. I'd be worried that I'm sick except for the fact that aside from this stupid tongue issue, I'm totally fine. I just can't WAIT to get these off. This even overshadows the fact that I'll have a little metal thingie glued to the back of my bottom front teeth for something like 10 years, and that I'll have to wear a retainer until I'm 30. I mean, we have to trust that my teeth will just stay in place on their own SOMEtime, right? But still. No more getting food stuck in my braces, no more elastics, no more 20-minute-floss sessions, no more painful wire adjustments, no more holes being torn in my cheek from the stupid brackets, no more line in my tongue where the wire goes... (I'm serious. It's like I carved my tongue that way, and it freaks people out when I show them. Just imagine a tongue, with a straight line across it, except for a little arc-y part.

I suppose it'll take a while to go away even after it's gone, and until then I'll just look like some tongue-clacking-freak who carves her tongue (I can't wait to clack my tongue again. And eat things and not worry about brackets falling off. And to just eat, and not have to go around after to find those little bits sandwiched under the wire, between the brackets... carrots and walnuts are especially bad for that, along with things like meat and bread (because bread makes little soggy bread things that sit there, always conveniently out of reach). no more worrying about whether or not my wire is loose, whether I'm going to have to go through another period of pushing it back into place every five minutes after I swallow so it doesn't fall out... being able to smile and have people gawk at how awesome my teeth will look.
And wow, my bite is a hell of a lot better than it used to be, and my teeth are straighter and closer and those two sharp ones on the top aren't up so high anymore. Not to sound vain, but it'll be nice to look pretty. Not that I didn't before, just that my teeth are straighter now.

Really, though, I wish they'd taken the frigging wire off in July or August. Nobody TOLD me it was going to have to stay on this long, and I wish they had. Not to have something in the roof of my mouth for the first time in a year and a half.... such wonderful happiness...

SO EXCITED. Done my hardest semester. Almost done braces.
Also... my parents want to get another chocolate lab. I thought that was weird, since Mandy was a chocolate lab, but I guess labs just work well with this house. Right size and all. Plus, I just love labs. They are always so happy, all the time, that they can cheer you up anytime. You have no idea how many times I've wished I could just scratch Mandy's ears again, feel her purr and lean against me so that her head is in my lap, how I've wished I could kiss her on the head and scratch her neck and throw my arms around her chest in a hug, how many times I've come home to an empty house and wished she was here to stay with me. How wrong it feels to leave food out on the counter and how odd it is to know it'll still be there when I come back. How strange it is not to hear her wander about at night, not to see her eyes glint in the darkness as she sleeps in the couch on the basement and suddenly wakes up when one of us comes down. I'll miss how she loved to swim, loved the cabin, loved napping in the truck, and always wanted to be in the truck because at least that way, I guess she figured that if we went anywhere, she'd come along. She was so smart, and so loving, and so happy. I just want to plant one more kiss on her furry little head and tell her I love her.
It'll be weird, getting another chocolate lab, but I know that we're not replacing Mandy, because of what mom said: No dog can ever replace Mandy. But we can always welcome a new dog into our hearts and into our homes. And a lab is a great dog to welcome.

Labs are loyal, they are happy, they love to play, they love to snuggle, they love to eat, and they love to sleep. They will love everybody no matter what happens, no matter how many times they get in trouble. And they're smart. They may seem like an ignorance-is-bliss-type-dog, but they are anything but. I wish I could have the temperament of a lab- happy and forgiving and naive. (except for maybe not naive). They might shed, but they don't slobber too much. Plus, they're adorable and soft and lovey, and who wouldn't want a dog like that?
Mandy had a personality all her own, a life and a spirit in her that nothing took away. She smiled not only in the face of adversity, but in the face of everything. And she was happiest when she was with people, with anybody who would pet her and scratch her and play with her.

One thing I can say Labs are not are guard dogs. Labs are bomb-sniffing dogs, dogs that sniff for drugs, dogs you put in competitions, but in all my experience with them they do not bite, and they can catch a water balloon in their mouth even when it'll burst if you so much as hold it the wrong way. A Lab will give you and everybody nothing but love, and all they expect in return is love- and some food :)

I miss you, Mandy. But I hope you know how happy you made us all for the 8- almost 9- glorious years you were with us. Your spirit can never, ever die.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Instead of talking about things that piss us off, why don't we focus on the bright side?

Although it does bug me that my computer keeps switching out of US keyboard style and into French Canadian. Just because when I was starting to use it, I told it I was Canadian, it automatically assumes that's the keyboard style I want. Not all Canadians speak French. And why is it "US" anyway? Who said that the way I speak is American? North American, sure. Western, sure (depending on which sea is in the centre when you're looking at the globe).

Stumbleupon showed me, a site where people post things that have happened to them regarding race, sexuality, or gender, that made them feel unimportant, discriminated against, or isolated. I can't relate very well, because apparently I'm not allowed to complain because I'm teased because my family is stable financially. But now that I'm thinking about this, I thought, why shouldn't we have a site where people post positive stuff regarding race, gender, or sexuality that has happened to them? (Pretty sure I just screwed up the grammar in that last sentence there). Like when my dad specifically told me that my opinion does not matter less because I am a teenager or a girl, or when my mom told me instead of hoping for a husband who'll buy me nice things, why not just get a good job myself and buy them for myself? Or when I told her I'd kissed someone, and she asked which gender. I thought it was nice that she didn't just assume I was heterosexual (which I am), but asked. I know she'd be okay with whoever I was. Maybe if we focus on all the good that's happened regarding feminism and sexuality and gender issues, it would motivate people to keep going. Like we've already gotten somewhere, instead of focusing on the negative, which promotes the idea that we haven't gotten anywhere and are actually behind.
I just think positivity works better, even when it's annoying and all the time. That's why I say to my friends all the time when they're worried about a test, "you'll do great. In fact, you'll probably do so great that everyone will be jealous of how great you did". People always reply with, "oh, you say that all the time". But not once has somebody told me they're sick of hearing it.

A girl I know (she isn't always my favourite person, but I'd still count her as a friend) once asked other friends in our group to stop calling her stupid, even as a joke. They didn't take it seriously, they asked what else they could call her. In the end, she walked away, pissed and unhappy. I pointed out that if she didn't want to be called stupid, then she shouldn't be called stupid. My boyfriend replied with the fact that she was one of the people he hated the most, so he really didn't care.
Then there's another girl who was born in Asia (I'm not sure where, and that's not a discriminatory remark: I honestly don't know and I've never bothered to ask because it's not that important) and only has a last name. She was raised in the states and came here last year, and even her friends bug her about being the "stupid american". I think she can handle the "american" part of it, but the stupid part seems to really be getting to her now. I sit next to her in math and I've really gotten to know her better because of it. The other day, everyone was laughing about some mistake she made, because whenever she makes a mistake, it gets amplified. She looked really frustrated, and she and I were the only ones not laughing. I didn't think it was funny because it was hurtful. I don't know why everybody bothers her about being stupid, but I've made up my mind that I'm not going to be a part of it. I'm going to treat her like a person, because that's what she is. Whenever Nerd and Tupperware start going "oh my god, how could you get that wrong?" I just say "No, I didn't understand either, don't worry. It's a really weird topic, isn't it?" Because most of the time, I don't understand either, and I hate those two because whenever I ask for help, they act- even just a little bit- like it's ridiculous that I need help with something that to them was so simple. I'm trying to be better with doling out help; in the past I've been sort of stingy with it because I've been unsure of my own answers. I know now that my answers aren't necessarily wrong, they're just incomplete. I cover the basics, and some of the more devoted-to-school kids in my classes will just add in the information I forgot, filling in the gaps.

Another thing I don't do is accept everything is right. I look for mistakes- especially grammatical ones- everywhere. I know that's kind of just annoying, but someday I'm hoping it will come in handy, when I'm expected not to just accept every scientific truth and math formula in the book as true. I want to question everything. I'm a curious person and I love learning.

You can tell I'm a teenager from the way I post on here. I'm full of self-realization. Someday I won't be. Until then, stick around!

Saturday, January 14, 2012


I am walking by some kids (ninth graders or something). One is holding a picture of a nephron. How they got a picture or why, I'm not quite sure, because you don't actually study the nephron or the excretory system at all until bio 20. (or, I'd assume, science 20). Some other kid took one look at it and was like "Holy shit, is that a liver?"
How the HELL could you mistake a NEPHRON for a LIVER? A liver's a big fat lump of awesometastic tissue that sits around your stomach in the thoracic cavity somewhere and it does so much shit for you, like produce bile and filter bad stuff out of the blood. Plus, it's the only organ in the body capable of regenerating itself.
A nephron is a very, very, VERY small unit of the bladder that filters bad stuff out so that you can dispose of it in your urine.

I just don't understand how you can confuse a nephron with a liver... I guess some people are either ignorant or they've just never been taught that stuff. I knew the liver was a big lump, though, and I don't remember ever being told that. Huh.

But I know that if I posted a picture of a nephron and a picture of a liver on here, you guys would be able to differentiate.... or at least I think you would. Maybe I'm too naive.

But, as I always say, whatever. As long as I've got enough common sense to keep me alive.

Friday, January 13, 2012

This really pisses me off.


Sure, but Harry Potter is an Adventure/Fantasy novel. That's the genre you base it in. Twilight is a Paranormal/Romance novel. OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO BE ABOUT ROMANCE.

And it's not about how important it is to have a boyfriend- it's a love story. Sure, there are bits and pieces that aren't so great, but Harry Potter isn't perfect either- I mean, the same thing happens every single time. He goes back to Hogwarts, there's a challenge, he wins in the end. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. At least the books in Twilight had a different plot each time.

So no, I don't hate Twilight. I think it's a bit overdone and it's really dramatic, but you know what? Plenty of books are like that, and I like reading that sort of fiction. You can hate Twilight if you want. Just don't use this quote as an argument, because you KNOW I can back myself up here.

I think this is an idiotic thing to say- no that the guy himself is an idiot, but just that this isn't really true. Twilight isn't about anything other than a really dramatic story. Harry Potter- also a really dramatic story.

I can't say which is better because I started reading Harry Potter and OH MY GOD IT WAS SO BORING. I'm sure the stories are great, but... blah. Whatever. I'm never going to read them, so oh well.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Guess what else?

IB does all the impossible. We even have homework over exam week- which is the BREAK BETWEEN SEMESTERS- now! In the form of a lovely IB math project. This year it's doing graphs and equations of g-forces, which sounds a LOT easier than stupid stellar numbers. Whew!

But still. How hilariously, ironically awful is it that now the next time I can look forward to having no homework is summer break?

I've already snapped- having homework ALL THE TIME, always haunting my shadow, has completely broken me.

I hope I don't have to do Bio final. Teacher hasn't gotten all our marks in so we don't know what our grades are. I skipped attendance exemption though (today was last day to get it in), because if I use it now I can't use it for physics later. I'd much rather write a Biology final than a Physics one- Physics is more math, and I DO NOT LIKE MATH.


listen when you complain about something.
bad example: nerd and tupperware today saying i always complain about not having enough money (which i don't) and how i should get a job. also, me saying tupperware wasn't busy. that was mean and I'm sorry :X
good example: fex today, listening and agreeing with me complaining about nerd and tupperware getting on their high horses about how I need to get a job.

I am so sick of those two. Whenever I complain about stress or being busy, they immediately jump in with how many hours they have to work that week. And then when I try to argue, they just say I need to get a job.
I have many reasons why I do not need a job:
-I have no need for cash right now. I don't want anything and if I do, I can afford it.
-I'm way too busy to fit in a job right now.
-NHS hours (which I will start once all the stress of this week is gone. I know, I know, i keep putting it off, but I have the whole form filled out. It's just that we have lots and lots of labs and math review to do right now, so I don't feel like signing up for that and squeezing it in on top of everything else.

Then they also bring up my car. My grandparents sold it to us, it's a fantastic car, in wonderful condition, and I get to drive it. My parents understand that I can't afford to pay insurance or gas. If they had said I had to pay those things, I would have just kept getting rides to school from them. I don't have time for a job right now, but I can't afford gas or insurance without one. And it's not like I'm not thankful to have that car. I love that car and it's wonderful to have it- I can just leave school when I'm done. I'm very happy to have it.

So, if they were reading this, I'd like them to STOP BOTHERING ME ABOUT GETTING A JOB. It's my life, sorry. I don't think your advice is valid at all. and I am not always complaining about how my dad doesn't give me enough gas money. I said that ONE FUCKING TIME. One! Before I knew how the gas tank in my car worked! and yet they never let me hear the end of it.

Other friends are more enthusiastic about the fact that I have a car... like fex, for example, wanting to go sit in it at lunch. Someday I'll take her, tudo, and ... I need a new nickname! Verecundus means "reserved" or "shy" in latin according to google translate, so I'll call her Vere.
Anyway, Someday I'll take fex, tudo, and vere all out for milkshakes and fries or something. I don't know vere all that well, but I'm sure if she hangs out with fex all the time, i'll get to know her better.
Mmm, milkshakes and fries. on a summer afternoon. That would be SO MUCH FUN.

well, anyway, chem labs. farewell! :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


You're supposed to work for about half an hour, take a five minute break. I do it the other way because I am inefficient, cranky, tired, and stressed out today. even if it's not showing.

Just read a whole bunch of internet stuff about IB vs. AP. I think that IB is more challenging academically, because it's a whole friggin' PROGRAM with classes and world exams and IB projects in every subject and the CAS shit, 4000 word essay, TOK class, and second language requirements. It's tough and it sucks most of the time. The people in my classes are awesome for the most part, and the subjects we learn are interesting, but it's just too much sometimes.
my bio teacher's taught us about the circulatory, lymphatic, and excretory systems for two days. We taught ourselves EVERYTHING over the break. our test on those is tomorrow. Then, we have a cumulative test mon-tues of everything since photosynthesis. That's photosynthesis, cell resp, digestive system, respiratory system, circulatory system, lymphatic system, and excretory system. All in one fun package.

My understanding of AP is that it's just advanced courses, which is what IB would be without the extra CAS crap and stuff shoved in there.

I'm not going to lie, I'm really hoping that math 31IB is super hard, so that I can drop it and just not have to do that CAS-4ooo-word-essay-150-hours-of-shit-TOK crap. Because to be honest, that scares me.
I'm gonna get 25 hours out of this alzeheimer's thing (when i get the courage to click 'submit', that is) and then I have half that done. I'm thinking I could count preparing for my gr. 7 piano and gr.3 theory (maybe gr. 4, i forget) (gr. 1 harmony, let's put it that way) for C, and then some nano, because COME ON obviously that's a challenge.
Action involves being active. I'm a lazy person. actually, no, i just have too much homework ... yet here I am blogging. i'd rather blog than exercise, obvs.

OKAY I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I JUST REALIZED I NEED TO GET THIS CHEAT SHEET DONE FOR BIO (our teacher said we could have one 8"x11" sheet, front and back) AND GO THE HECK TO SLEEP.

my limbs ache. that's never fun.

Still makes me cry.

sure, people think people who tool around on picnik are lame. I say, shut up. I wanted to make this photo look cute and innocent; I read somewhere that the purple ribbon is for general cancer awareness.
Cancer and internal bleeding took my Mandy. Our Mandy.
So it was kind of hard to pay attention to the bit about internal hemorraging (sp?) in bio today.

I miss her so much.
But I think why I didn't cry is because Mandy always left you once you were happier. She didn't like to see any of us sad; she loved us. She loved everyone and made everyone happy.
And that's still how she left me now. I'm happy we didn't give her away when I was little. I'm happy we had her for three more weeks after the first operation. I'm thankful my parents bought her even after they saw how pyscho she was, and how scared we were of her. I'm glad I got to pet her and hug her and snuggle with her for as long as I did. I'm trying to be like the Dr Suess quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." If Mandy was a person, she'd be everybody's best friend, eternally willing to help. Even when she was tired and sleepy as she got older, she was still so full of life.

The first time dad played Amy's saxophone for her Mandy was scared silly and dad chased her around the house playing "bramp! Bramp! BRAMP!" on the saxophone, while Mandy ran like a crazed hyena around the "donut" of the house.

So yes, I do miss her, but I'll never lose her. Stupid as it sounds to other people, she's lodged herself right nice in my heart, in the gigantic empty room filled with tiny clones of me that I imagine as my head. I think of her when I get sad and how she'd always feel bad when she saw anybody crying and just stop to sit by you, tail between her legs, and put her head in your lap, and it made you laugh because what could be more cute than that?

She was smart, too. Found a peanut in the backyard one day (don't ask me why, I have no idea) and figured out that she couldn't just eat it, she had to crack it out of the shell first. I found her sitting on the patio trying to open this tiny peanut shell with her big paws, and mom was just watching in awe.

And she had that "soft mouth" trait labs have. We were playing with water balloons on the driveway one day, freckles, dad, and I. Except that no matter how gently you set down the water balloon, it would burst as soon as it touched the ground. Mandy was out with us, and we thought it'd be funny to throw one for her to catch in her mouth, because she was really good at catching things in her mouth. Dad figured I guess that it'd burst and she'd be surprised, but instead, she caught it gently, held it for a minute, then dropped it neatly on the ground. All without breaking it. One of us went to pick it up and burst it then and there.

She loved playing frisbee on the lawn at the cabin and she was good at bringing it back. Take her to play frisbee in the lake, however, and she'd just stop ten feet out and drop it there. Wouldn't jump off the deck, either- she was pushed in a few times, that silly dog.
She got taken onto the boat once- slept the whole time, apparently (I wasn't there).

And there's nothing like a happy lab happy to see that you're home. After a long day, when you're tired and grumpy, there's nothing better than hearing that clack clack clack Clack Clack CLACK CLACK CLACK SKID! THUMP THUMP THUMP! YOU'RE HOME YOU'RE HOME! OH, I MISSED YOU SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH! PLEASE NEVER LEAVE AGAIN I LOVE YOU OH BOY YOU'RE HOME! THUMP THUMP THUMP! that accompanies the dog realizing that the door to the garage has opened and people have come in. Her people.

She never would have made a good guard dog. Too friendly.
She was naive, too, but so am I.
I miss her.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Uh oh..

From what the newspaper told me about Rick Santorum's viewpoints on stuff, if he gets elected the US will be officially screwed. To me, he just sounds like a crazy nutjob with a bunch of crazy nutjob ideas. I mean, if you ban birth control, your population's just gonna climb through the roof, bro. You're going to create a third world country with that many people...

And then he's got that whole "I can outlaw abortion" stance... are you a woman, dude? No, I didn't think so. So it's not really your place to decide, is it?
At least, that's what I think. Overall, it's a woman's decision, so why should some white guy get to decide if abortions are legal are not?
If a pregnancy's probably going to kill you, you have a right to live. (Some people would say otherwise, but COME ON.)

Anyway. Just REALLY thankful I live in Canada, because we don't have crazy nutjobs like that running for Prime Minister.


1. My family loves me very much.
2. I have wonderful, amazing friends who are just continuously awesome and I can't let them know it enough.
3. I am very fortunate to live in a country like Canada, and have a chance at a future and a good education.
4. I am very fortunate to be fairly unaffected by disease or disorder- living my life independently is just something I can accept I'll do someday.
5. I am lucky that I had such a wonderful Christmas.
6. I am lucky to have a car that is most definitely not a POS (piece of shite) that my parents completely paid for.
7. I am lucky to have a boyfriend who really cares about me and makes me happy.
8. I am lucky that I have never, ever been abused.
9. I am lucky to have this wonderful bed to fall asleep in, because it's so snuggly and warm.
10. I am lucky to have access to food and water and shelter and clothing.

Until you can appreciate what you have, you'll never be happy. I don't want anything in my life right now except to write, for the last week and a half of this semester to pass quickly, and then to go to bed.
Also, to pee...
Call this pious (if that's the right use of the word), but I am probably the luckiest girl in the world. Sure, I'll have minor troubles, and some major ones too, but I am mature and smart enough to deal with them and to try and help others deal with their troubles, too.

And this'll sound cheesy, but I'm trying to do that thing Yoda said, about no fear. Well, okay, not none: spiders and sounds in the night still freak me out. But I'm not a jedi so I figure that's okay.
What's easier is not to hate. Dislike, wish to avoid, feel annoyed by, wish it wasn't true, sure. But hate is a strong word. I don't hate anyone or anything (that I can think of).
Fear is the path to the dark side, bro.

yer (pious?, lucky) pal,
swegan :)

Saturday, January 7, 2012


Fireworks. Ohhhh.
That little burst of "YAYSTOMACHTWISTYNESS" I get when I FINALLY get to see two characters kiss each other in a book or movie when I've been waiting for it to happen. Can't say this happens to me in real life... or maybe it just hasn't yet. The only kisses I've gotten have been a) spaced far apart and 2) too short and boring to really cause anything.

But can I ask, how do normal people kiss other normal people with their tongues.... intermingling, or whatever you'd like to call it? That just sounds disgustingly awful and horrendous and it beats me how anyone could want to do that. Maybe I'll know someday.

Blah. But now I know what people mean when they say "fireworks", because the feeling is like fireworks exploding inside of you. Terrifyingly wonderful, bright and colourful. Who doesn't love some good first of July Canada Day fireworks?

Yeah, that's right. The fourth of July ain't the shiz up here. The fourth of July is JUST A DAY IN SUMMER.

1867, bro! That's where it's at!

yer pal,
swegan :)

Eighth Grade:

Had a friend named... well, we'll just call her Jamie. Technically that was her name, but it wasn't at the same time.
I told her who I liked. I told all my friends.

Round one: teacher walks into class JUST as Jamie announces what my married name would be if I married the asshole I liked in middle school. Thankfully, the rest of the classroom was empty. Teacher opened her mouth in shock and just stared at me for a minute, then said "I didn't hear anything" and kept walking. Completely embarrassing!

Round two: Talking with helper teacher in class for kid in wheelchair (whom I liked a lot). Boys came up somehow. Jamie was with us, the next thing I know she says exactly who I like. As in "She likes asshole jerkface" (since that's basically what he was) and then I was so mad, I wanted to punch her. Instead, I reached over and messed up her perfect hair, and she just laughed. I wanted to run away and cry. Instead I went back and sat at my desk and tried not to think about the shocked look on said helper teacher's face.

I'll never know if either of those teachers had those looks because I was stupid enough to like asshole jerkface, or because Jamie could betray me like that. I told her those in confidence.

Though she and a girl I will call "T" for all intents and purposes told a guy in our class about another girl's (who was really a good friend to me in grade 8, though I'm sure I was really mean to her) huge crush on him. I was shocked. That's just not okay to do.

So...yeah. There was that, the arrogant nerd incident, the pencilcrayon incident, the asshole-jerkface-gets-shoved-into-me-by-his-clown-of-a-brother-incident, the incident where asshole jerkface called me a "fucking bitch" and so I got him suspended and he apologized...

Aside from Michelle and the rest of our group (whose names I shall not mention), middle school was just really awful.
Oh, and I guess aside from my sixth grade teacher. She was awesome-tastic.


Powerpoint hates me. From now on I will obsessively save every five minutes.

Every time I've used powerpoint this year, it's just shut down/stopped working for no reason. Not just on this computer (which I've had since Christmas), but on the computers at school, too. Only this time it recovered everything, thankfully, whereas at school I'd been working for the whole period on a powerpoint for Chem class and then it just crashed and didn't save anything and then the class was over. So everyone had their powerpoint done and I had to go home and do mine then. Along with all my stupid other homework because IB SUCKS. Trust me, my friends: while the perks of having small class sizes and fewer disruptions (shak is the exception to that. Why oh why is he even full IB at all? Why must he be in ALL my classes?) may seem handy, if you live in the same province I do, DON'T DO IT. Apparently, the reason it's so hard here is because we're required to take the provincial curriculum in addition to the extra IB stuff. At IB world schools and I bet somewhere else in the world, the kids just take the IB curriculum and screw the rest of the stuff. But no. That's why it's so hard.

Also, apparently Ontario doesn't have diploma exams, and in BC, they're worth only 20% of your final grade (though I heard that. May or may not be true). Here, it's 50% of your grade. I mean, it could be worse, but seriously? NO DIPLOMA EXAMS? I almost wish I lived in Ontario except that in my opinion it's quite nice here, thanks very much. No PST for us, hahaha!

Anyway. Back to my English project which was thankfully saved! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Friday, January 6, 2012

My day?

Why, I woke up at noon, ate breakfast, and for the entire afternoon I watched Criminal Minds because I caught a marathon of it. While doing my theory homework. So I got that done.
Ate lunch at 3. Dinner when mom and dad came home.

So why do I feel like I've gotten nothing done? Why am I so stressed out about something? Probably just my English project... I guess I should stop planning and start doing it. Yuck, yuck, yuck....

So far, my project is that I'm taking two short stories from the Zombies Vs. Unicorns compilation (both are zombie apocalypse ones) and comparing them to Brave New World in terms of dystopian fiction. How they share similar elements of it, such as some form of control we don't have here, a catastrophe that evidently lead to the dystopian-ness, etc etc etc.

Okay. I know what I have to do. The only problems are, I'm not sure that I can blabber on about this for 12 minutes, and that I'm not sure this'll be "engaging" enough. Ugh!

The worst bit is this almost makes me want to just quit English IB, but that is the one thing I promised myself I would not drop. I can't break that promise. Math, bio, whatever. But English?


Well, at least I got my theory homework done! If I get some of the project done tonight and put the finishing touches on the paper (which I finished at 12 AM last night... er... this morning, hooray) then I can just keep spacing everything out.

Just had a freak out several paragraphs long and decided you didn't need to read that. Just a big rant about how unfair my biology teacher can be. She says she hasn't taught this class before, and the worst part is, it's very obvious.
One and a half more weeks. I just realized that my english projects are due on wednesday next week and that's also when we have a big biology unit test on the circulatory and excretory systems even though she said we only had to do the circulatory system for Christmas break. Huh. Guess I am stupid for not picking up on the fact that we have to teach ourselves the last two units. We've had twice as many units in math and we got them ALL done before Christmas break. There's no excuse for why we have to teach ourselves two units.

Though I guess I should quit whining, because according to everyone University is worse than this and so this is just preparation.
I guess the world's not very fair after all.

But I'm not getting anything done here.

I can't focus on anything at all anymore. I'm such a scatterbrain. Maybe I need to sit and stare at a candle for awhile. Practice focusing. I've lost my memory, I repeat things now. I can't focus on my math homework at all. I can't focus on writing at all.

Congratulations, semester one. You've finally broken me.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


NO CHEATSIES. Mine is my bio textbook, thank goodness. 856 pages thick and heavy as hell.
(This is from Google+)

Most of this is true:

Aside from the caffeine and anything regarding the american school system (SATs, american civil war, etc)

So there you go! Now, to go work on my ten-paragraph english paper and big oral IB presentation that's due in a week. That I haven't started.


ALSO: Total decapitation scene count in LOTR: 7.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Mom + LOTR =

Mom pausing LOTR frequently to say "And there's another good life lesson!" And then telling us the life lesson the first time I ever watched LOTR, but the only thing I remember is being annoyed at her pausing the movie because I actually liked it.

We've finished the Two Towers. Decapitation scene count: 5

I am a nerd, aren't I? I like Star Wars, Star Trek, LOTR... Ah, well. If this is being a nerd, then I like being a nerd.

Monday, January 2, 2012

nevermind :\

five hearts after his name in shoutouts for her video.
he "likes" this.

i am losing my mind. This is not right.

And all I can think is, BITCH PLEASE. I'm dating this fool.

Defensive and jealous is not a good way to be. Definitely not. I'll have to work on that.

It really could be worse.

Stupid IB English problems.

Cassedy and Brian are such real characters that they have a song that definitely defines their relationship... whatever kind of relationship it is.

Does this make me forever alone, that I know my own characters this well?

Also, we watched all 6 star wars. I totally called Darth Vader's identity before anyone was even talking about Darth Vader. TOP SCORE!

Sunday, January 1, 2012


sometimes i just think i'm a ridiculous person. he's going to see you next week, swegan, and he's never met this nerd girl he plays video games with in person. i had no idea nerds talked to each other with so many hearts as a joke.
Make of that what you will.

btdubs, happy new year to everyone. :)

and yes, i'm trying to be an obscure hipster. bla.