Thursday, May 26, 2011


That is a t-shirt i saw on the internet. i know unpossible isn't a word. but the shirt had a happy cartoon t-rex riding a rocket and it was the best shirt in the history of ever, so i felt it deserved at least one blog post with its emblem as the title.

we got our IB math projects the other day, and EFF they look so hard. both of my math-nerd-guy-friends were all like "oh, i got the formulas in like 3 seconds, it was too easy" and here i am, sitting at home, and i can't even get my calculator to spit out the right formula. the teacher who presented the project to us told us to try linear, quadratic, and exponential regression, and that the formula would be quadratic because when you run the regression on the numbers in the chart the r^2 value is 1, which means the equation fits for 100% of the diagram numbers. all i could get when i tried relating these numbers on my own was a recursive sequence, and the stellar number part (we have to count the dots in a 6-point star and analyze the relationship between the number of dots and the diagram number, and for each diagram there's another star layered on the previous one) looks freaking impossible. i know there's all that paradigm crap about don't have a bad view of yourself or else you will fail and yadda yadda yadda, and i believe that (for the most part), but OH MY GOODNESS NO. one of my math nerd friends (tupperware) had to help me because i put the numbers in my calculator wrong or something. i got the formula, and i have no idea how that relates at all.
now i can just be lazy and be like "eff it, i'll just drop math ib next year" except that i don't want to. i don't want to be in the regular class, which sounds SO elitist, but just... in the IB class, i am 100% guaranteed to be with all my friends. in the regular class, i have a few friends taking it but most likely i won't be in their class. plus, people would actually talk and be noisy (okay, so my class right now IS like that, but still, you can tell we're all nerds) in a regular class, and i just don't know if i could handle that.
one other thing- in IB you can be sure no one will copy off you. i have had people copy off me before, and i hate that. that sickening feeling that they didn't do any work, just used your work, and, say, got a better mark than you.
my grade in math is 79.1 now. with the fact that for the duration of may we have had at least 2 or 3 tests and/or quizzes per week, i have had plenty of chance to bring my mark up. 0.4 more percent and it rounds up to 80 and i'm EXEMPT FROM THE FINAL THANK GOODNESS. and something wonderful happened: my teacher said if we write the final, she marks it and counts it, none of that "only if it increases your grade" because... well, she has legitimate reason, i'll just say that. that's not terribly personal. not even my pity story of "but my parents make me write ALL my finals! i don't have a choice!" worked, so i told mom, and she said "well, if you're exempt, just don't write it."
*cue the choir of melodious voices* HOORAY! she'd actually let me exempt something i have earned the right to be exempted for! i wrote all 3 mid-term-finals but none of them counted, and they weren't that bad. i mean, english was easy. i like english. math was yucky, but that's because i had to check it over and i don't like math. science... um... that was okay. i definitely won't have to write my social final (it's social), but hopefully the teacher will let me and only count it if it benefits. i think if they're going to offer rewards, they should have that option open too. call me brainwashed, but i see how it's beneficial to write the exam and go through the process of studying collectively and preparing for a big exam. plus, i don't mind writing things like social or english, because i know i'm guaranteed to do well- my mind has patience with words. but not with numbers.

ANYWAYS, enough rambling about that. and i admit, i did use some fancy terms in there to appear smart *is embarrassed* but oh well.

so now i'm going to say one more boring but yay thing- NO PIANO EXAM!!!! :D i have not practiced enough to be sufficiently prepared to do that, so mom said i don't have to. i also missed my lesson this week because it was victoria day, thus a school holiday. therefore my parents took the opportunity to take us away, which was lovely and we played lots of sims, including a game where we made 3 random ones, named them things like "L5", "S7", and "J4", and locked them on their own levels with everything they'd need to live. that was fun. CHEAT CODES ARE AWESOME. and my sister's specialty.
given, she uses the internet.

on an unrelated note, freckles and mandog (my dog) are in here, and my dog just burped at me and it smells like eggs....
now i am concerned.

one more (i think, very important) thing: i am so lucky.
i got a new book on the kindle yesterday, and stayed up until 1:30 AM reading it (but mom doesn't know that so shhhh) and the main character was a girl whose father was an alcoholic and whose mother was a drug addict (but the painkiller kind, not like weed) and her mother beat her. severely.
fortunately, there's this kid she fell in love with in sixth grade, then he moved, but then he comes back and they fall in love and awww, it's so sweet, but oh my goodness, i am so lucky. so so so so so lucky.
i am so lucky that my dad is a good guy who helps me with math and cares about me. i am so lucky that my mom is caring and kind and strict with me about things like grades and boys, because she loves me and wants to protect me. that i have a sister who i am best friends with, who almost always takes my side, who looks up to me. that i have a family who function together so awesomely, who make jokes and watch TV together and go on vacations when we can. that I have all my friends with hearts of gold who i am surrounded by constantly, who help me in school, who keep me happy and afloat. that i have good grades and the initiative to succeed, that i have a nice home which has food in it and a safe place to sleep at night. that my parents don't beat me, don't abuse me or my sister.
I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I have a wonderful boyfriend and wonderful friends and I go to a wonderful school in a safe, relatively quiet little town in a good country where I am free. I know this is getting a little off topic, but we do take it all for granted.
and you know, that's okay. people are busy. but I say, as long as you take time now and then to think "Damn, i'm lucky" and just be thankful, it's okay. everyone is thankful for what they have.

even if it is a lot of homework. because hey, i could be in africa and not have the opportunity to go to school at all, or live in afghanistan, where women are traditionally discriminated against.

Luckiest girl, for whom nothing is unpossible.

yer pal,
swegan :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

sometimes i just don't get it.

i must be so annoying sometimes, always talking. and i tease people, too. especially people i'm close to. i don't know, i guess maybe i got it from my dad. thing is, i'm not very good at teasing people, so lately i just end up ticking people off.
so the thing is, i don't get why anybody likes me. including my boyfriend, because MAN i have been so annoying to him lately. i always say i'll stop, and then i don't. it's like i don't think enough when i'm doing something and then when i'm not (like now, i'm not really doing much of anything) i think too much.
i think i'm just an attention hoar. whore. whichever word it is. i like attention way too much to stop. which is just wrong, but i can't seem to do anything about it no matter how hard i try.
maybe i'm just at a weird point in my cycle (YES I AM MENTIONING THAT, OKAY? I AM IN A BAD MOOD) where i get all annoying.
now i just want to curl up and cry, because it seems like i'm just going to have to keep trusting that other people will look beyond my annoyingness and stay friends with me.
when i say i have a heart of brass, i'm not doing it to be humble. i mean it- i am surrounded by people with hearts of gold and there's me, a heart of brass. i don't want to make people mad, but lately, to me, i just look like a really big, judgemental, annoying, pesky little b****.
and i like to give people hints and not tell them things, i always have. i never really thought of how incredibly annoying that could be.

that's it. i can't keep doing this. i know maybe tomorrow i'll go against what i'll say, but tomorrow i won't bother anybody for attention or talk about myself unless directly asked. not one bit. i will write it on my hand if i have to, i don't care if the ink soaks through or whatever. it's not going to kill me, i've done it before, so has everyone else. i need to stop before something bad happens, and i'm surprised that it hasn't already.
i guess i'm not getting a lot of social done today, since now i just feel like crap. plus i'm sure for family day, where we have to pick two "classes" to take (things like chinese ancupuncture, zumba dance, playing with clay, etc) i picked the wrong replacement. i know this'll sound selfish, but all the options they offered are probably well put together but... none of them actually interest me that much. i didn't get home in time to register for grillin' and chillin', so i didn't get in that one (that would be barbecuing). so i picked "card making" as the rest of them all involved computers, eating chinese food/chemistry, or physical activity. i just know it'll be full of skids or something and i'll end up working all alone for an hour and a half and come up with this crappy card (i'm assuming that's what we'd do) and everyone else's will be funnier or something. i don't know. or worse, i'd be the only one in the class.
ugh. i don't want to deal with this anymore. i have all these bad tendencies like being hard on myself and wallowing quite a bit, but sometimes it just helps to cry, even for a few minutes. then after you can go on and be a normal person.
yer pal,
swegan :(

Saturday, May 7, 2011

THIS WILL SOUND MEAN BUT IT WORKED. Also, a note about my theory homework...

i changed the name of my blog from "blogspacethingie" to "all the cool kids have blogs", and BAM! followers!
either that or more people are surfing the web now.
that sounded really dorky. whoops.

ANYWAYS. i was in a weird mood when i was doing my theory homework last week and so i put a quote from an ALL CAPS song (summer of '09) in the top left corner of one of my transposition pages (TRANSPOSITION IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THOSE TERRIBLE QUESTIONS IN MY MATH TEXTBOOK WITH THE RADICAL FRACTION COORDINATES, YUCK) and i forgot to erase it/scribble over it/cover it up with white-out. thank goodness i think i'm going to theory early tomorrow so she won't have to be like "Um, what is this, you turkey?" in front of the two other girls in my theory class. that would be embarrassing. and she would call me a turkey. she always calls me a turkey. but that's okay. i'd rather it that than, oh, i don't know, "you rotten kid" or something. but i think turkey is a bit more positive than "you rotten kid". or even better, "you rotten teenager".
but my piano teacher is awesome. so yeah.

I FINISHED MY SOCIAL PROJECT!!! it's about economic globalization, and my sister put a glitter glue outline on all the pages. so now they're kind of curved due to all the stuff on them, but they look kindergarten-esque, colourful, and very pretty. and as my social teacher said on the sheet he gave us for the project at the bottom under the "Task Five: Visual Presentation" thinger, first bullet point, "Quality educational tools draw captivate their audience with visual attractiveness".
i'm not quite sure what happened there. what the heck is "draw captivate"? that's ALMOST as bad as the thing in the driver's ed booklet (which i will find now as i am very bored and nerd and tupperware are not saying anything in the conversation i opened with them.
ah, here it is. the driver's ed booklet, session 5 review. question 11 a): "What kind of situations or emotions set off drivers or lose their concentration." legit. it says that. with a period and everything. on a GOVERNMENT ISSUED BOOKLET.
clearly the government is not doing so well with grammar and spelling nowadays, as they are also mixing up when to put a question mark and when to put a period throughout the rest of the booklet, and using sentences like "why is the first fifteen minutes of a rainfall so dangerous?"
not to say my driver's ed teacher wasn't awesome- she was. AMA called me later and asked if i'd recommend her to someone else, and i was like "YES."

I am a grammar nazi. i don't care about punctuation on things like blogs, but spelling and grammar are very important. and i keep writing questions and forgetting to put question marks. it's very sad. i type too fast to think.
i remember scaring one of the kids in my class when we were in the computer lab to type something up for social last year. he was asking about something and i looked over to answer him and i didn't stop typing. he was like "ahh! stop, that's creepy!" it was very funny. like the killers-in-the-bathroom-story.
did i tell that yet? let me know if i haven't. it would be very confusing to have me reference a story entitled "killers in the bathroom" without you knowing what it is. if i have posted it, it is in my outrageously long blog about the europe trip.

i still have to do theory. argh. at least it's analysis, which is fairly easy. but TOMORROW IS MOTHER'S DAY!!! good thing dad has a gazillion things planned, because he's dad and yeah. freckles and i are hiding flowers in our rooms.
we couldn't really hide the cake in the glass cake platter thing, though. so we ate some of that already.

AWW NO. i am listening to a playlist of youtube songs, and one of them is "just a dream" by nelly, which makes me sad.
let's just say it reminds me of stupid mistakes i made. but there's songs after it (like "hey soul sister" by train immediately following, for example... :) so it will be good.
why is this on my playlist if it makes me sad?

okay. i'm going to do something useless now :D

yer pal,