Wednesday, April 28, 2010

a swimmer i am not

i hate swimming lessons. we started at level one, and we're now on like level three or four, i'm not sure. (we being my sister and i). i'm just not good at swimming. Hence the lessons, you say? *thumbs down and blows a raspberry* yuck. the whole time i wished i was still at my parent's bread party eating warm cheese biscuits, or at home writing and doing homework, as it is now 10 and i have procrastinated, but i am done all my homework except for the little assignment my friend posted on her edmodo group- do something nice for someone, due may 5. and if i realize that i can't think of anything, that's bad, right?
oh, wait, i lent my sister my socks this morning! nevermind. i'll go submit that now.
anyways, i keep having visions of myself being a pro at the front crawl (is that one word or two?), so we'll see. i hated getting out of the pool, though, and when my sister went under the water it hurt her head. poor her. the last time i went under lots was in hawaii and i got an ear infection (WHICH COST US A STUPIDLY RIDICULOUS AMOUNT WOW CHANGE YOUR HEALTHCARE ALREADY SORRY).
bleh. and when i told dad i wasn't taking it for longer than the nine weeks, he said i'm doing it until he thinks i'm good enough at swimming to quit. so basically, i'm going to spend the rest of high school and probably university if i stay at home for a couple years to go to the u here first. yuck. that's like the next bajillion years.
i'm tired, so i'm going to get my stuff done now.
swegan :P

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


BOO YEAH! i scrambled the file so basically it looked like "aaaa, aaaaa aaa aa a aaaaaa aaaaaa "aaaa aaaa aaa aaaa!" aaaa aaaa aaaaaa." that the whole way through. my mom got all worried- she said "oh, i'm sure they have ways of unscrambling it, honey"- would someone like to give me the name of a computer program that can randomly generate various different words that have the same number of letters as each of the groups of a's in the sentence above, go through the millions of possible combinations, and come up with exactly what i wrote?
(What i put above was just an example, btw. i just put in random groups of a's.)
this completely makes up for my sister saying today "you're less environmentally friendly than all of us... even the dog!" which really hurt because i thought i was being pretty environmentally friendly. i turn off my room light whenever i leave and the hall lights whenever they're on for no reason and i don't leave the tap on while i'm brushing my teeth and i put it on low while i wash my hands and i always insist we walk to the park in the summer instead of driving, and i wish we had those green bags you use at safeway... and my sister said "you always have your radio and lights on, and you're on the computer 24/7.." (the last bit is true, sadly. i'm working on that.)
so i went into the backyard and collected white rocks for my jar of white rocks that has water and a flower from a bouquet in it (those little white ones, not very big) and a piece of coral from hawaii that had little air bubbles all over it.
anyways, now for celebration!!!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

more memories..

don't ask me why, but the song "forever" by chris brown reminds me of...the summer before last summer, and i don't know why, it just does. and it reminds me so much of the good times that i almost have to sing along. sometime when everyone's out, i'm just going to belt it. i can't sing, and my family knows that, so it's best that no one can hear me but me.
that's why i miss music in elementary school. we all sang, regardless of whether or not we were good, and it felt so good to be part of everyone singing together. i love that sound. like when everyone sings o canada together.
anyways, i don't know what was so special about that summer- it was pretty much just like every other summer, sort of. i really can't put my finger on it.
hmmmm. i think i'll just listen to this and mouth the words for now while i look out my bedroom window and imagine the sun setting while the kids play soccer in the park, and the garage door is open- the car one and the actual door to the garage-, and you can see the light in the hallway, and the breeze is coming through, and i see my sister walk by in shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops, and i can hear the dog in the garage, maybe?
one thing's for sure, though. i always say i don't like summer, but i do.
-swegan :)
p.s. 94 pages, and i was up until 5 last night.

A basement full of memories

like when my favourite colour was blue and i played with stuffed animals and dolls and plastic kitchen utensils and had that dresser in my room and had friends named cassandra and ana and liked frilly socks and went to bed at eight and those shoes fit me and made me three inches taller which thrilled me because i was short and my lunchbox matched my backpack and i was a champion speller and nothing else mattered except that i was happy and i was living a good life and i could do almost anything i wanted and my homework was studying for spelling and writing stories and that was it. and my chores were making my bed, keeping my room clean, washing my hands, and putting my dishes in the sink.
i went looking for marbles in the basement today, and there is a lot of crap down there that's still hasn't been moved from the horrible, torturous renovations we endured for like the first four months of this year. there's my old dresser with the crap drawer that broke near the end of its life and the mirror that used to sit on top of it and my old chair that my grandpa made me and all my halloween costumes and my old jewelry- i found a little necklace made out of something that looks like hemp and a bunch of random beads- including a little cat head with the body attached that swings and a little bell that shines in the weirdest way- it's like it's not there, and then it's translucent. i was mystified by that bell.
i think the thing that made me start all this thinking, though, was a stuffed cat named nermie. I don't remember why exactly i named her nermie- she's a bit bigger than my hand, and doesn't have very many beans in her (that stuffed animals have) even though she's never been "leaky", so she's really floppy. and then jesse, named after my old dog that i don't even remember. i only remember that one day in maybe grade two when for some reason i remember one girl who's in my class this year giving me a stuffed animal that looked just like him at school when i cried because i knew when i got home he wasn't going to be there. mom said they were taking him to the airport, but really they were taking him to get put down because he had cancer in his paw and i remember mom and dad giving him processed cheese slices with pills in the middle. I remember trying to climb on his back and he would move away every time. and i remember in our old house in saskatoon, laying him down, head on a pillow, and covering him up with a blanket, and then laying next to him. he was a good newf, that jesse. i miss him. and then the stuffed otter with the collar made of those beads with the random chinese or japanese symbols on them from my bracelet kit, and then poncho, the little black and white pug who's very stiff, and rescue, the dog with the american flag on his shoulder (i wish it was my country's flag) (he's a dalmation) and surge, the other dog that's built the same as rescue, and sammy, the multicoloured-but-mostly-pink-tydye-something-or-other stuffed animal that sort of looks like a cat.
i don't know why i just described them all to you, but i did. there were lots more- we had a whole bunch, enough to make a whole class. and my sister and i would sit down and play "nermie's world", because nermie was always the star for some reason, and she had her sister cocoa and her other little sister mewmie and her mother and her aunt, whom she didn't like. and we had three classes- nermie's class, the oldest, and then the middle class, composed of about six "students", and then the kindergarten class- mewmie's class.
i almost thought, i should take nermie around with me everywhere. but no, she's still downstairs. i guess i brought her up because she reminds me of who i used to be- that little girl, full of happiness and laughter and friendship and carelessness. i used to have one solid best friend- cassandra (i won't say her last name). we did lots of stuff together, like sleepovers, and hanging out at recess, and then she moved at the end of grade two, i saw her once in grade three when she visited, and that was it. and i remember tire swing lessons, from ivy (tire swings do require certain talent, don't they?) and book buddies with the little kindergarteners and with that kid named levi who couldn't spell my name.
i think back now, and i wonder- am i all that little girl wanted to be? i'm a writer, so check one off. but am i exactly how i thought i'd turn out- all cool and wearing fashionable clothes, not afraid of water (er, i'm taking swimming lessons with kids that girl's age...), lots of friends, not afraid of the phone (god, i hate calling people), and maybe with a boyfriend, although i don't think i was thinking very much about having a boyfriend when i was young. maybe i thought that i'd like a boy- very right for the most part- or boys, but that wasn't a major factor.
i wish i could talk to my past self and find out what she thought of me. but then i think, i AM my past self. so what do i think, me? am i just what you wanted in life? did i screw it all up? did i get some things right?
i think the little kid inside of me, shut up for so long, thinks yes.
at least for the most part.
and i have a goal for my big, fancy, independent self right this very minute:
don't let your indecisiveness show when someone asks you to marry them, alright? listen to your heart, and whatever you say first is what you decide. that is no time for you to be indecisive. you know you can do it- some decisions you can't halt on.
i should write down a list of goals to accomplish by the time i'm... 40, maybe?
sounds good to me.
but not on here, of course.
goodnight :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

sigh....also, 86 PAGES YO!

ahahaha, that is right! i have 86 PAGES OF NOVEL WRITTEN! i am feeling good about that, given it's my longest story ever, and when i let one of my writer friends read it, she said she was almost as intrigued as when she read twilight and that she couldn't tear her eyes away! so i didn't tell her that when i read her story it wasn't quite the same. i guess if she builds up some suspense, it will be.
i'm feelin' good today.
i had 73 pages at the start of yesterday. SEVENTY THREE! and i wrote 13 PAGES OF NOVEL. i am so proud of myself.
nano is going to be a problem at all. If i can do screnzy, i can do nano! i can! I CAN!
also, if i write 14 pages today, i'll have won screnzy BEFORE the verification starts (which is tomorrow, so i hope i'll be able to verify HOLY CRAP WHERE DID APRIL GO? sorry for the swearing, but that just kind of caught me.
i didn't think i'd win screnzy. i remember staying up to write from 47 pages to 50, and getting to 63 pages, and then when i got to 70 yesterday and realizing i only had 30 to go, and then getting to 80, then 81, 82, and so forth. it's been a journey.
that would make me happier than i ever have been and probably ever will be. it would be so amazing to me if i could publish a book before i'm 18. i heard there was a girl who published at 12.
when i told my mom this, i remember her saying it was a horrible tedious process and that lots of writers never get published. but there's like 12 000 books published every day, so maybe i could be one of them. and then people would love it and it would be made into a movie and omg yay i would have written a book THAT BECAME A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE! although if it was a book my parents would read it and there is some sketchy content in there, yo. sorry about all the yo's, i've got this one guy character in my story who talks a bit like that (two of them say "dude" and "man" a lot; a different one said "bro" once) and i guess he's influencing me.
and i finally get it now; when writers say that they can't wait to find out where their characters will go- i am so excited to write the next bit of my story, because there is going to be more kissing (i am over the writing-about-kissing-and-being-jealous-of-my-characters-because-now-they've-kissed-and-i....-haven't....-yet thing, win!) and happy endings and wow i really hate my female counselor all of a sudden. she reminds me of the girl in my class who kept purposely?/accidentally? making me look like a jerk. i thought i'd like her. but i don't. she's pushy, kind of pessismistic, demanding..but she's also dedicated and caring, so i dunno.
ooh! i made portraits of all the characters- ryan (new kid from campground), anne, alana, faith, katy, whitney, yalee, john, kevin, sam, matthew (new kid from campground), sally, and Michael. let's see if i can copy and past them here.
dangit, i can't, all you get is their name and the portrait box.
hang on, let's see what i can do. i really wanna show you guys this.
oh, geez, i just realized that john looks like a combination of mr. steroids (not that he's on steroids (the real person), just that he's so good at sports that it SEEMS like it) and this kid named zeph from last year.
okay a lot like the kid from last year.
a-HA! i pasted them into paint and it worked PERFECTLY. here goes:
and there you have it! it's a little small, i know, but certainly you can copy+paste+enlargeonaworddocument, no?
plus all their names are there, too. yay!
please note that ryan and matthew are not from camp lame-o, but the rest of them are. also please note these pictures are very unexact. also please note the site i used because i can't draw: tada! rats, now my font is smaller, but oh well.
i hope you enjoyed the pictures. if you'd like to read the full story, DREAM ON, SUCKAZ! let me know and perhaps you will be able to
what the hell? why is the link so big? i'm gonna change that now... okay, fixed.
buh bye!
off to write!
yer happy pal
swegan :)
p.s. those little kids might make fun of me, but do they have an 86-page novel at home that's almost as intriguing as twilight? i think not.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Note: I have highlighted the important parts. if you are in a hurry or just want to read this quickly, you can just read those. all that is in blue is just extra filly-inny bits.
my heart is pounding ridiculously fast. i just got the worst news ever.
my dad signed my sister and i up for a nine-week swimming course at some random pool i can't say the name of because it'll give away where i live. and the worst part is-
i can't believe it. he said he had to sign us up for the beginner class-why did he have to sign us up at all? i don't remember giving consent for this. argh! i'm going to look so STUPID taking a swimming class with a bunch of babies. there'll probably be little boys there!
i am really shaky now and i can't write. so thanks, dad, on top of me trying not to let those books i just read and loved influence my writing, now i can't even write at all. i need to talk to someone about this. i'm freaking out. i can't do this. i can't do this. i can't do this. i don't want to take swimming lessons. the instructor will have to talk stupid younger for the little kids! what will happen to my vocabulary? this happened during the summer during our family reunion, when we had my two little second cousins out, aged two and three. my sister and i had to keep entertaining them, and we had to talk in really little words. i was writing in my journal one night, and i couldn't remember a synonym for something (let's say it was "mean") and so i wrote "mean-ness" (probably not, this is just an example). i'll be so embarrassed if anyone except my friends hears this. a girl in HIGH SCHOOL taking lessons with KINDERGARTENERS? not even, that's when you're five! they'll be PRESCHOOLERS!
maybe he was joking when he said four-year-olds. he does that to me a lot. but he didn't seem like it.
can i fake sick, just this once, oh please?
the only comforting thought i have is that maybe the little kids will not be screaming brats (which is what i usually associate with little kids i'm not related to) and maybe they will be nice to me. maybe i won't have to tell them "i'm embarrassed to be taking a class with you BECAUSE YOU'RE FOUR". not to mention the fact that I CAN'T SWIM. hence the lessons, you say? what i mean is that sure, at the hotel i can put my head under the water (there has to be a less dorky/wordy way to say that) without goggles, no biggie. but outside of that... i have to wear a scuba mask. the small kids will laugh at me.
aaaaah! i can't believe this!
just when i thought my life was good, too.
i could cry. i really could. but then my parents would just get mad at me for making such a big deal out of it.
why couldn't this have been private lessons?
maybe there'll be someone other than my sister that's not below first fifth seventh grade. maybe i'll get really really lucky and there will be some cute smart guy my age there that for some reason can't swim either.
oh, god, who am i kidding? guys wouldn't do that.
crossing fingers!
or maybe a girl my age who is nice to me. that would even be better!
i wish i had the newspaper that said lucky-days-for-libra-2010.
or, let's google it!
okay, i found them. and saved all the april-december ones on onenote. ahhhhh.
or should i say, AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
please talk me through this. i am going to die. it starts on wednesday.
i am going to explode. or implode. or something.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( normally, i don't put sad faces in blogs, but this is an exception
yer soon-to-die-of-embarrassment-unless-someone-can-save-her-pal,
swegan :(
i am going to die of embarrassment!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

very very different from the book (oh, and the characters look very different in my mind...and where's poppy?) and i'm wondering now if they made more, or if they were never very successful so they didn't.
i wish they would! the last book was my favourite and i just read it and it's my favourite book of all time now! which is new for me.
anyways, just watch it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


of COURSE! how did i not see this before???
i have just realized, just now, that the only kind of guys i will EVER end up liking seriously, AND the only ones i will ever look really good with (couplewise) will be...
what i mean by this is guys with glasses who are skinny. and hopefully usually funny and smart.
i'm trying not to like anyone i can't see myself with, and at the moment, there's NOBODY IN MY CLASS OR ANYONE I KNOW THAT I SEE MYSELF WITH.
anyways, check out this song: hope you enjoy it. it's pretty epic, no?
hey, this isn't my font! stupid computer!
oh, geez, now i REALLY sound like a nerd
i'm going to go write now. or maybe SLEEP or something.
get myself all prepared for... (dun dun dun)... THEME 5!!! gack!!
-swegan :)


i'm going to bore you with all the details, so let's get started.
so in my area yesterday there were a bunch of winter storm warnings, which is silly 'cause it's april. and this morning, just as we're about to leave, the power goes out. so i have to go through the deep snow in the backyard and go through the alley to get to the driveway where the truck is, except my dad planned to come around the alley, so i'd just done all that running (and half-crying) for nothing, but oh well. then it took us forever to get to school, and there were no traffic lights since the power was out ALL OVER THE CITY. when we got to school, everyone was in the foyer, and there were like 2 lights on. i went to my locker, and there were no lights on in the caf, which was creepy. i got my stuff and talked to the kid two lockers down from me whom i somewhat know from previous options about the power, and he agreed that it was stupid to be at school. then i went and found a few people from my class, and then one of my friends showed up after awhile, and then we went to talk somewhere quieter, so we ended up in the spot where we usually eat lunch . i had to go back to my locker on the complete opposite side of the school, get my cell phone, and come back. my mom asked if school was on as usual, and i said no, but everyone was going to wait to see if the power came on (after one hour w/o power (oops, rhymage) we'd go home. if it came on, guess what, no snow day. anyways, she told me my sister's school was out, so i shared that with everyone. and then she said they (my entire family, mom dad sister) were coming to get me, regardless of whether or not they were hopelessly waiting for power. so i told my friends that, and one friend came with me to my locker briefly. i got my stuff, waited for them to come, and then we left. mom said we could always come back if the roads weren't too bad, but the power didn't come back on until about an hour or two ago. i had a pair of sweatpants on over my jeans, and double hoodies, and i carried my blanket around with me. mostly we just sat in the living room 'cause the gas fireplaces was still working. i wondered if we could light the gas stove, and when dad came home, that's what he did. so ghetto! (i hope that word fits here, hee).then he heated up water (we still had water, thank god) to wash the dishes, because he said they were bugging him. my sister and i ate our school lunches together, and then read some more until the alarm made a scary noise and then did that thing where it beeps twice every ten seconds until dad turned it off, and the fan in the fireplace came on. dad, jokingly, pretended to jump up and shouted "TURN ON THE TV!" but we didn't, and everyone laughed. my family watches a lot of TV, actually. 30 rock (WIN! BEST SHOW EVER!), lost (at the cabin. i actually like that show), desperate housewives (heh heh heh. i like their personalities and the stories and everything.), and ZILLIONS OF MOVIES. my parents buy lots of them really cheap at wal-mart (usually not in the best condition, tho) and we watch them.
i'm listening to "birdland" by weather report, and it reminds me of christmas when i was little. i miss those days, all warm and happy and safe without knowing stuff about my family and why people acted certain ways and that santa wasn't real. it reminds me of when life was so simple, when my only chores were 1) wash my hands after i go to the bathroom, 2) keep my room clean, and 3) practice piano. oh, and maybe put my dishes in the dishwasher or something. when i used to sit in front of the christmas tree on christmas even on the ugly, comforting carpet in front of the old white coffee table by the couches-the-dog's-allowed-to-sit-on-that-aren't-the-white-one, and there'd be the same music my family always listens to playing in the background (didn't know who, didn't care). and there'd be shortbread and nanaimo bars and chocolate toes and grandma would bring stuff and we'd have a big dinner- turkey and potatoes and (BLECH) brussel sprouts (or is it brussels sprouts?)and cranberry sauce and corn and yummy homemade gravy. and then cookies for dessert. i remember the year my brother got my sister and i little lockbox-type-thingies with a coin hole in the top and a little handle. mine's pink on the top and purple on the bottom and i lost the key but it's there somewhere, i think, and there's a "girls rule!" sticker on it and some butterfly stickers that came on it. my sister's is green and yellow or something. in that memory, everything's all foggy. like literally. like there was actual fog in the house when i know there wasn't. strange. and it's dark and dimly lit. and it's so cozy and friendly and i wish i could go back to that place everytime i hear this song. but i know i can't, i can never go back. which saddens me and somehow the reality is striking but i can never believe it.
also, it reminds me of the time when dad was in the front of the truck and amy and i, very little, were in the back. dad was playing songs for us on his fancy white thing that lets him hook his ipod up to the truck's stereo. it's his old white ipod. this song comes on, and though i've heard it before, i don't know what it's called, so when he asks, amy and i both say we don't know. then, as we pass under a power line and i look out at it, he says "birdland. by weather report" and for awhile we just listen. that's a good memory. mom wasn't there for some reason.
a lot of the memories i have of my dad have to do with music. he taught me how to sync my ipod, and he put fancy speakers in my room, and i listen to his john mayer with him in the truck on rides home from theory.
:) sorry, got off topic there.
i'm going now... no, wait! i'll find birdland on youtube first.
there you are!
that's the only song i've heard by weather report.
yer pal,
swegan :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

why am i being so stubborn? i'm never stubborn

in fact, usually i'm overly accepting. like if i have a belief that i hold, i can be shaken by that. like when i used to believe that if my shoulders were warm, i was warm, and then at a friend's sleepover there was a different girl there whom i didn't know and she said that if your feet were warm, you were warm, and that her big brother told her that. and ever since then, no matter how much i want to, that's what i believe. pretty messed up, eh?
not really. i know.
so today i don't know what was wrong with me- yesterday i told myself i would not start developing a crush on this guy who has a striking resemblance to AG. except i could feel myself doing that (especially in social; i used to stare THAT way all the time at the cute guy in the coughcoughcornercough. wow, for people in my class, that just gave it all away! but that was then, and this is now. and then ended in like january after realizing everything was hopeless. and then i liked my guy friend, whose-nickname-i-forget. i have GOT to keep track of those. i'll check later. but anyways, i kept catching myself looking at him and NOTICING him and then i had to keep telling myself no, that i was just not going to like anyone. but i think i'm built in a way where that's just not possible. heck, i saw a really cute guy who looked about my age eating with his mom in starbucks IN THE US one time, and i almost liked him. that's how pathetic i am.
but given the size of my school and my whole entire graduation class (graduation. so. far. away.) is very tiny, like maybe.. oh, i dunno, 250 people? that sounds about right. and half of those are girls, so that leaves about 110 guys my age. and cut out the disgusting druggies, and you're down to less than 70, i think.
i may be exaggerating. i'm good at math, but it's not my best subject. which says nothing about the ability of my gender in math.GO, FEMINISM!
anyways. we have slim pickins here, kind of. if i'd gone to the big stinkin' school where ALL my friends went... life would probably suck. i'd be in the same suck rut i was in last year-feeling like a horrible friend. and i'd get lost, so PLBBBBBBB goes that theory (the PLBBBBBBBB was supposed to sound like when you blow someone a raspberry)(which means sticking your tongue out and making the PLBBBBBBB sound). this year, i've gotten to do everything fresh and new- new friends, new guys, new people... it's like a big breath of fresh air. i am probably very different from last year, i.e. less perverted. because i had two groups of friends last year, the perverted ones who were usually fun to hang with EXCEPT ONE WHO TOLD THE TEACHER AND THE ASSISTANT IN THE ROOM WHO I LIKED OMG I HATED HER SHE COULD NOT KEEP A SECRET THANK GOD SHE MOVED TO ONTARIO, and then my smart friends, who were really funny and always fun to hang out with. i miss them. and then today one of them added another blog entry!!!!! i was SO SUPER HAPPY because a) it was about her adventures volunteering in... trinidad, i think? to help orphans and people there and 2) she has not blogged since the beginning of march and i never see her anymore. they already had a sleepover without me and probably a couple hang-out-and-do-homework things without inviting me, and i've chosen not to be hurt by that. after all, i didn't know them before i came to that school, and now i don't know them again.
i was like a phase: temporary. and i hope i left a good dent.
this year, everyone tells me i'm awesome and i feel so good and i feel bad because i always have to tell everyone else that THEIR awesomeness is rubbing off on ME! i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my class this year and i would give a whole heck of a lot if i could have them for the rest of my years in school. that would be AMAZING and i would be SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY ALL THE TIME. the sad thing is, that won't happen. the good thing is, we're all nerds (no, literally, except for like 5 girls and 2 guys) so i'll get lots of them in my nerd classes for the next few years, woot! plus, i know them, so it's not like i can't say hi to them randomly or stop to chat or something. and then there's options, too. i could get them in the same options (although i think spanish is the only clear choice there. ALL MY NERD FRIENDS, pretty much, are taking spanish. FTW!)
anyways, i was just on edmodo, and i posted something there about the math questions and OMG THE GUY THAT LOOKS LIKE AG, R just posted a reply and that kind of.. well, it was ironic, ok?
ahem. time to go type 3-4 more screnzy pages before i GO TO BED i have gotten very little sleep the past two nights and i have discovered i am not the kind of person who can run on little sleep even when i have to. even when i want to. once i stayed up until like 4 at a sleepover and then the next day i was just so zonked. i went to bed early. that was a fun sleepover, though- we called the guy i liked at that point in time (2 years ago already?! WUCK!!!) and one girl (whom i didn't really like, but that's not the point) thought it was his MOM she was speaking to. HILARIOUS! i called and he answered the phone once. omg, he sounded like a combination of my sister and one of her best friends on the phone, it was SO FUNNY. their phone number isn't in the phonebook anymore, hee. i feel kind of bad about that. but it's not like we ordered a pizza or called one of those skeezy "adult chat" hotlines, right?
one last thing- i hate stubborn people i.e. my sister, because they ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO CHANGE THEIR MIND ON ANYTHING EVEN IF THEY ARE TOTALLY WRONG. lighten up, peeps. sometimes, you're not right. it's okay.
The Duke Of...Er, Something,
Swegan :)
p.s. you just know i had to :P

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear big boss person at sears: i want a refund on my turbo toaster

heh heh. we wrote business letters in english to a person at sears (our teacher gave us the address, btw we're not actually SENDING them) who's in charge returning a defective gift. mine was a toaster i got as a "wedding gift" (because i'm married to flippy (my best-guy-friend's new nickname, yay!), remember? or did i tell you that? and how i have a kid (it's a teddy bear and my friends decided this, not me) named teddy sweaters? and he has curly hair like flippy but blonde hair like i used to have when i was small?). my letter was serious, but i think, perhaps not serious enough. a little too witty/"me".
OOH OOH ALSO BIG IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: i got my animal farm project back. apparently we were supposed to take the plot and make a different story with the same plot for the children's book assignment (which i did), but i didn't know that so i "dumbed it down" for kids. she said i didn't follow instructions exactly (then how did i get 22.5/25?), but my unique style (or voice or something, i forget, will post more specifically tomorrow) saved it from being boring. and then it was like she crawled into my head and figured out exactly what i wanted to hear.
You have real potential as a writer.
i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo super happy when i read that! even BETTER than her comment on my essay-about-my-sister that said i have a nice voice developing in my writing.
I AM SO SUPER HAPPY! except it's all internal at the moment, because i am 7 pages behind on my screnzy unless i get to 40 pages by tomorrow... or was that the 11th? crap!! lemme check...oh, no, the 13th. i was ahead when i started, but then i had so much to do over the break (um, watching lost probably should not count, nor should playing "things" and "what" (in which we used the word "testicles" a lot... um, two male doctors at the table, bound to happen, especially since one question was "things... that would get a doctor sued for malpractice" and then the last one was "What would probably not make a very good fast food item?" all except one referred to.. well, you know. FAIL.) and i hit writer's block and that really sucked. but i am still determined to write all 100 pages ASAP. some people already have like 274 pages because they SOMEHOW FINISHED WITHIN THREE DAYS. which i could do if i could just be in my room all day on my computer going out for quick meals/snacks whenever and never stopping writing. and never having school or homework or piano or theory or annoying siblings/parents or anything to bug me. but there is school and homework and piano and theory and annoying siblings/parents (that won't let me stay up late! and i have stupid school anyways. wait. don't i love school? OH NO NOW I'M GOING TO REFER TO MYSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS THREE) and that big stinking science project i have to do which is going to take for-frickin' ever and i will probably have to forsake my dream of screnzy to get it done. i want to make an educational vid about our electricity unit, except my science teacher has not been here for awhile so i have to keep waiting to ask her if it's okay to do a video. i sent her a post on edmodo. hopefully she gets it.
i can't write a script for it though. i just realized i don't do scripts- when i make a movie, we just rehearse each consecutive scene before we shoot it and then shoot it. and then i have to tool around on movie maker for-frickin-ever. UGH. it's just going to take forever, alright? and with that i have no time for screnzy.
thank god it's due after the may long weekend. i should've gotten more done over easter, but i didn't because i'm a procrastinator.
speaking of procrastinating, shouldn't i be writing/doing theory/homework?
but one last thing. my dad let me drive some most of the way to theory- i did all the turning. he just went straight in the two-lane road because i'm not ready for that yet (according to him AND me). i almost hit a car! i was turning right and then i did it wrong and dad is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS talking and coaching me when i'm driving, and then he was like "WHOA WHOA WHOA!" and he sounded a lot more serious than usual. i steered back left and thankfully, the ugly little red car was saved from being crushed by the 8000-lb death machine that had ME behind the wheel. and then i was all shook up, but when we finally got to theory he told me i did well and that i shouldn't worry about that. that's why i like my dad: eternal forgiveness. well, 99.9% of the time. i wonder if he realizes how i freak out about things and obsess over the bad bits. like mom. she told me i inherited that. "unfortunately, dear..."
i would call him my daddy, but that makes me sound too clingy. i call him father sometimes, when i'm being funny. or trying to, anyways.
yer turbo-toastin' pal (not really since apparently i need a refund),
swegan :)
p.s. oh, and i am now officially crush-less! although this one guy in my class, r, seriously reminds me of AG. so i almost liked him today. plus, he was throwing paper airplanes with me, flippy, and j, and guinea pig (since my brother had one by the same name of this guy, lol). i'm hangin' with the guys.
since my friend... c didn't come back.
was there another c? whatever. she's not c anymore. my friend, c, is. :P

my untragic "love" story

something i'd say if i could:
“I miss you and I think of you sometimes and I wish that it was that day again and that it could go on forever and that I wouldn’t have to feel embarrassed every time I bring it up cuz I’m the only one that remembers it at all. You made me feel like maybe I am pretty, and for that I thank you and want to see you again really badly. Except you should tell your brothers to wash their hands after they use the bathroom, seriously, that was gross. And I wish you hadn’t taken the chair, I wish you had sat where your brother was sitting so I could have been all bold and put my hand out and (now I’m going into imagination mode) maybe you would have held it or something. Or maybe I could have been bold and scooched closer gradually until there was shoulder touching going on, which, for me, is very big. And I don’t think I can love anybody until I move on from you. Not that I love you, but I think I might really like you, and I can’t tell my mom that because she’ll embarrass me and so will dad and so will my sister and really the only people I can talk to about it are people you don’t know. Except I wish my parents would have another dinner with you already so that we could show you the new kitchen and I could see you again and maybe it would be like last time where I caught you looking at me a bunch and it made me feel very happy and pretty and ever since then I think of you sometimes, and then I wonder if you are thinking of me and realize you have probably forgotten me, but then the little light inside of me says maybe you are thinking of me too sometimes and wondering if I think of you. I wish I could tell you I did. And you weren’t at that awards night, and you have no idea how much that bummed me out. And you’re not in the yearbook either, so I can’t find you.
It almost makes me wonder if you actually went to the same school as me or not. And next year you’re going to the rival school and just maybe then I will see you again at an event. And just now I thought what if you weren’t real and I dreamt the whole thing? Is that why my family doesn’t remember? Because that would make total sense.
I need to see you again; it is the only way I’m going to get on with my life without having these flashbacks of you. Because you were the first nice-looking guy who made me feel pretty. And that’s a pretty big accomplishment, considering I’ve known plenty of nice-looking guys. I miss you a lot, yesterday I was missing the memory so much it hurt. And now it’s almost been a year and the memories are growing dim and I don’t want them to, because I don’t want to tell my daughter about the first boy to make me feel pretty that I could have liked if I’d seen him more.
If only my parents would remember, and then there would be another dinner and I’d be happy again. And maybe something would come of this one. I miss your voice and I miss your face and I miss you looking at me, because, as I’ve said a thousand times before, I don’t get that kind of flattery often. Maybe that’s why it’s not the same when he- the current guy I like and one of my best friends- smiles at me.
Because he’s not you.”
an update on this (twas copied straight from my computer journal thing):
"I miss you. you stared at me, and that made me feel pretty. no guys stare at me. and i will always have your memory, for which i am glad.
hope to see you again, know i won't. but thanks for the unspoken compliments, if that was what you were thinking. or why you were staring. i'm over you now. but i could go back again in a second, probably."
thanks for reading, even if it was random stuff from my non-existent love life. which is more of a "like" life at this point.
those were addressed to that guy who looked at me two times when my parents went to their parents house for dinner. he's a grade behind me, but the same age somehow. i'll refer to him as AG, his initials.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

hi, it's me, the last sunday after easter break and tomorrow first period we start theme 5...and it's 11:37 at night...

sorry for the long-arse title, and then for the swearing. i am a horrible influence.
easter break, ahhhh.... so relaxing. except when my family watched lost late at night, and then i had to stay up until 3 reading my new book, sweethearts, which made me cry. i'm serious. it was such a good book- i think any book that makes you physically show emotion is a good one. the only other book i cried over was the children's adaptation of Marley & Me, but it's about a dog, and those never end with the dog miraculously becoming a vampire dog and living forever, do they? case in point, end of story.
i read THREE BOOKS over the break, and i got 11. brand-spanking-new-books! i am so happy. there are 5 of a series- the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy- which i started reading but may have to skip back a bit because i wasn't really paying attention the last time i read it. seems to be pretty good- i'm looking forward to the last book, though, because of what the back said. or maybe the 4th one, idk. then there's the last 3 books in the city of ember series; i read the first book and it was one of those ones you just have to stay up to finish. (a lot of books are like that for me). and then three others, which i have already read. get well soon, which is about a depressed girl but is actually REALLY REALLY FUNNY and romantic, the year of secret assignments, which is REALLY FUNNY (but the other one's still funnier) AND ONLY SLIGHTLY ROMANTIC, AS IN THERE IS SOME KISSING BUT THAT IS REALLY IT, and sweethearts, which is sosososososososososososososososo good and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO romantic! (it made me cry, remember). i loved it and will have to read it again eventually. although i remember books too well.
and i did a lot of writing for screnzy- but i've only got 33 pages, which, according to the pages-you-need-to-have-per-day-chart, puts me behind. 40 pages by tuesday? uh... please don't get lots of homework... oh, shit! (sorry again for the swearing, it's the only way to convey my frustration) i forgot to do my stupid dumb theory! i'm gonna get in trouble for that.
anyways. my screnzy is a novel- 100 pages, ee-yike, but i have some EXCELLENT PLOT IDEAS which are very important. there are nine campers at camp lame-o (the lake is lake lameo, "the camp was called lame-o due to a very unfortunate typo"), three boys and six girls, and two counselors, a boy and a girl (and they have been childhood friends for all their lives... wait... nevermind). and one of the boys is um kind of based on someone i know in real life.. mr. steroids, or that's what we call him. because he's perfect. i don't get it! he's good at everything in gym, gets awesome grades (or so i'm assuming, and rightfully so), and all the girls like him. including me for awhile until i realized it was hopeless and now i like one of my best friends, which is er, awkward. but it's not huge, it's like a little crushlet. crushlet. crushlet crushlet crushlet. BEHOLD MY AWESOME VOCABULARY!
anyways, the point plot. so there's the perfect guy, john, the short perverted guy, sam, and the perverted-normal-height-and-going-to-change-guy, kevin. then for girls, there's the girl who's perkily annoying and has been to the camp for like 4 years in a row, whitney, the girly-girl-boy-chaser, faith, the shy girl, katy, the one-who-is-a-bit-like-me-but-different, yalee (that's yay-lee, my sister and i made it up :), the short one who has a bite, alana, and then the sporty one (whom john likes atm), anne (and her nickname is a. just "a"). in the end, anne, whitney, and faith aren't going to end up with anyone. i made the kids have a SECRET MEETING in the girls' cabin (the boys were spying on them!) and they make a pact that the boys will each like a girl who will like them back by the end of the three weeks (it's set in august 2010, it's currently the 4th). and i have an idea for the girl counselor, sally, and john. so sally has a boyfriend, right? but then he dumps her at camp and then john learns this, and he knows she's single, so she knows that she has to be dating for him to back off, and in the story during the summer, her only option her age is michael, the other counselor. so um yeah, a bit of a romance there (because michael secretly likes her, it's so obvious, even i can tell :P ). i know who's going to end up with who, but wow i've already given away a lot.
there's going to be a scene coming up- a party for the celebration of the kids rescuing their counselors, who stupidly went canoeing and then they kind of got stuck. so the boys are going to make a secret plan. and during the party they'll kill the lights and each of the guys will find the girl they want to kiss and kiss her, and then it will all be a big fat stinking mystery. and then katy's going to be a little upset by this (yes, katy gets a kiss!) and then MORE PLOT YAY.
there are other points too, but i forget them.
now to see if microsoft word is NOT being screwy, so i'm not screwed. and time for bed. it's midnight. i'm only going to get 6 and a half hours of sleep?! grr. *smacks forehead* anyways.
I GET TO SEE MY FRIENDS TOMORROW! AND ONE OF THEM IS UH YEAH! SO WOOP-DI-DO! and theme 5 can't be that bad- after grade 6, i think i'll survive.
speaking of which, i have a pair of pants and two shirts from grade six THAT STILL FIT. i am pathetic. :( fail. ah, well. maybe if i actually GREW or something...
p.s. 8th wonder of the world-
saw these signs driving back today. :P