Wednesday, March 31, 2010

DRIVING=SCARY+FUN

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot! just went driving for first time EVER! and man, it is scary and i don't like turning because um i'm bad at it. i was driving my dad's giganto truck. i know how to start it and fix my mirrors and push the pedal and turn on the turn signals and whatnot, but i just don't like the part where OMG I'M IN CONTROL OF AN 8000 LB DEATH MACHINE just a little scary, you know? my dad was coaching me the whole time and i said sorry a lot. to which he said it's okay a lot. i didn't hit anything. my parking job on the driveway is not straight at all, but it's actually not bad- just a little bit off, like maybe 30 degrees or so. or less. i will get better with practice.
can't wait to tell everyone at school tomorrow EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! i'm so happy! happy happy happy! I CAN DRIVE NOW!
only got 2 questions wrong on the 30-question test. it stopped at 27 and said i passed, because after that there's no way i could fail. and apparently, passing on the first time is a rarity. usually it takes 2 or 3 tries. so i am extra proud of myself. my picture's ugly, but that's okay since i only have the temporary paper thingie. i love how it says "please destroy this document." i was repeating that in my best epic scary voice. it could just say "shred" or something, but i just love it.
PLEASE DESTROY THIS DOCUMENT.
lol.
bye for now; making celebratory KD!
swegan :)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH, BABY!

twas the highlight of my day.
so first period math um watched coach carter which is actually turning out quite good yay. then gym OUR TEAM WON COOKIES IN BODYBALL YEAHHHH! and a message i would LOVE to give to (name censored)...WOULD YOU STOP F***ING ASKING IF I HATE THE TEAM ANYMORE? I WAS GROUCHY THAT ONE DAY!! PLEASE SHUT YOUR EFFING FACE, YOU ARE REALLY STARTING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF JERKFACE. I NEVER HATED OUR TEAM. OUR TEAM WAS TOO PERFECT. SO IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP (STFU ALREADY!) AND JUST LEAVE IT ALONE, I WILL NOT SAY NASTY MEAN THINGS ABOUT YOU OKAY? YOU ARE NOT A NICE PERSON AND I DO NOT ENJOY YOUR COMPANY WHEN YOU'RE MAKING IT SEEM TO ALL OUR TEAMMATES THAT I HATED OUR TEAM WHICH MAKES THEM HATE ME AND THEN YOU WIN SO PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ANGRY NOW AND THIS FONT SIZE ISN'T BIG ENOUGH.
sorry about that, but she's really pissing me off. she asks every day "so, do you hate our team now?" and i don't freak out at her because um that's not me and then she'd just tell everyone i'm a spazz. i don't like her. she's just annoying in a subtle way, which is so frustrating! and i don't know if she REALIZES it, but asking me periodically when i've already told her i don't hate it anymore is super mean because it makes me look like a jerk because she always asks loud enough for everyone else to hear. and then i have to be perky and respond happily and then cheer "go yellow!" for the rest of the period. i would cheer anyways but it seems more like a chore. she's on my last nerve and i just really hate her. she seems nice but i don't want to say anything nasty to her anymore. or talk to her. or tell her any secrets. i don't trust her at all, which sucks because i'd like to be able to.
so then in english we just edited our essays, and then talked and talked and etc and then it was lunch, which was fun on its own except at the beginning where someone got a little grouchy but then one of my other friends made a joke and we just forgot all about it. my guy friend was laughing during the time of everyone-was-kind-of-silent-and-one-person-was-angry-and-one-was-feeling-like-crap and i looked at him and i was like "it's not funny." and he stopped. it's not appropriate to laugh when that kind of situation occurs, unless everyone else is.
then later i was sitting by him and untied his shoe, and then someone said i should tie his shoes together. except he's um stronger than i am so we had three people pinning him down and this other girl and i were trying to tie his shoes together, except he kept pushing his feet apart and then it looked really wrong and oh we laughed so hard and it was so much fun. then i was looking at one of my friends and i asked her if she wanted to try that again, so we did. this time, i was pinning him down. after that we stopped. but oh, what fun! then i stole his glasses and HOLY COW HE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE HIMSELF WITHOUT THEM AT ALL HE DOESN'T EVEN SUIT HIS NAME IT'S LIKE TALKING TO A STRANGER OMG.
i just thought of the perfect way to describe my situation at the moment. i have all this anger and stuff inside of me and i always have to pretend that everything's happy and perfect and good and i'm totally fine and really inside me i want to yell at someone for being a bad word and tell someone else that i like them and tell my parents to stop being so annoying when talking about jobs and just everything. and sometimes, i'll rant to one person and it's like some of it goes away. just, poof! i'm slightly lighter and better and it's just.. yeah. this is why i have a blog. but when nobody posts comments, it's like nobody heard and then i go all drama-queen and feel like nobody cares that i'm not as together as i seem. i even fool myself. i'm not together. i have all these secrets inside of me. it's like in junie b. jones- if you have too many secrets inside your head, it'll explode. i wish that was the case so that we'd have to tell people and we'd have to listen to everyone else.
i'm going to see if i can do this thing i got from a book (so no, i didn't come up with it myself, just fyi) where you say 6 different things you'd like to say to 6 different people, but without identifying the people. in no particular order (you can probably guess some of these):
1. shut up already. i already told you the answer, so STOP ASKING.
2. i'm sorry for being an extortionist about your secret of who you like. and i'm not saying this as an excuse, but i like you so it's kind of tempting to find out. because if it's me, i'll go crazy. no one's ever liked me that way before. except for that nerd in grade five.
3. could you stop being so mean to me? i understand i'm mean to you but that's not my point. you embarrass me in front of our friends when we see them every week, and have i ever done that to you? no. and my room is not like a walk-in clinic. i don't like having you in here, because then when i ask you to leave you don't, and then i have to get nasty so that you'll listen. also, i listen to your problems. i'd appreciate it if i could trust you with mine. but you think my problems are stupid and boring. heck, i've already HAD your problems, and i don't think they're stupid and boring. and i can't trust you anymore, since you tell me random scary lies for fun and i totally believe you and then you laugh when you tell me it's fake. and then we get angry and somehow it's always my fault for being mean when really you're the big fat meanie here. and i can't trust you with my secrets because you'll tell people for the fun of embarrassing me, which is driving a huge wedge right between us and we're supposed to be close. like pb&j.
4. could you appreciate that this is my life and i'd like to live it the way i want, please? as in, show some interest in how i choose to live it, don't be so critical, and don't tell me what to do or that it's my fault? i know it's my frigging fault that that grade happened. but you don't have to yell at me about it. or lecture me when i do things you don't like. it makes me feel horrible. you don't have my conscience. you don't know what it's like.
5. i wish you visited more. because i love you and you're awesome and give me piggyback rides when i'm far too old for them, and you're just fun to have around. plus you can pick up the dog. and i wish you'd use your degree- i wish you'd do something better with your life, because i care about you. but i guess i can't control that.
6. i can see your seams starting to unravel, and i feel like such a bad friend because i can't stitch you back up; i don't know how. and you're doing the same thing i am, so i think you might know how i feel. have fun on your trip. you deserve it. a lot. :)
what i actually say to these people:
1.no, i don't. it was just that one class was no fun.
2.*random jokes, laughter, and chatter*
3.wanna do this?/why not?/get out of my room/stop being so mean/i am not/stop it!/that was hilarious!/i don't get why mom and dad...
4.medicine doesn't interest me. *says nothing about other thing i brought up, it will just loop back to here*
5.(name i can't say because um it's private. but it would be in capslock with a bunch of exclamation marks after it)
6.*random jokes, laughter, and chatter*
wow. except for numbers 5 and 6, i think that was pretty obvious.
that was actually kind of fun.
i'll do it more often. :)
swegan

Monday, March 29, 2010

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!

clearly i'm lame since i was looking up the u of a, but omg this campus is sooooo fabulous and beautiful and I WANT TO LIVE THERE or in international house. that would be my second choice.
it's so pretty and omg i just want to live there in university OMG I WANT IT NOW!!!
it's so pretty!!!!!
okay, here's the link. check out this absolutely amazing campus:
i am so going there.
eventually :) and i will have a wonderful time.

i'm getting the feeling that my parents want me to be a doctor...

like i have been for, uh, years. ever since i started talking to them about jobs- it's always the same. my sister or i will bring up a job we want to maybe have when we're older (and for some reason if i brought it up my sister would always be there at the time and vice versa, anyways) and mom and dad would shoot it down very obviously and then tell us we should be doctors. when i was little, i wanted to be an artist. mom told me they don't make very much money. i discovered my artistic capabilities were limited. kaput with that one. my sister wanted to be a vet. she told mom. mom said vets have to go to random farms to see pigs or horses or something in the middle of the night. kaput with that. after she shot down my sister's vet job, i was like "mom, howcome every time we bring up a job we want you and dad find all these bad things to say about it?" and she said "i don't!" and my sister said "yeah, you do." and she was like "really?" and i was like "yeah, and then you always tell us to be a doctor." and my sister said "yeah!" and ever since then they've done the same thing, they've just been subtle about it. i think it would be fun to be in the movie business, maybe as a writer or as the person who does soundtracks. i brought this up with mom. she brings up all the hard aspects of it and then says that i should be a doctor- subtly, of course. nothing's changed. i was talking to dad about it too, on the way to theory tonight, and he didn't shoot it down. dad always says "that's fine, but you need to get a professional degree" and that always makes me go "wuck?" because, uh, i've only heard of like major degrees and minor degrees and bachelor degrees and PhDs and doctorates and professional degrees is not one of those. so i asked what they were. ugh. boring stuff! like dentists and doctors and engineers and veterinary medicine and two others i forget. and i said veterinary medicine's out, because anything with four legs and fur i'm allergic to. and i asked if there were any others other than the 6 he told me. and he said that's about it. and i was like well great, my life just got screwed. he's always stressing (and so is mom! but dad more so, mom just says "be a doctor" all the time) that my sister and i need to get professional degrees. and i said "what if i don't?" and he said "no, you need to. you will." so he clearly was NOT getting the point. so i said "but what if i don't? you'd have to deal with it." and then he made jokes out of it but YUCK NO PROFESSIONAL DEGREES FOR ME.
so i really hate talking to my parents about jobs. because they never support my interests. like all they care about is being a doctor. and one time i said maybe i'd be an orthodontist- their job looks easy and there's no gross surgery and fixing people's teeth makes them happy, yay! and the first thing my mother said was "oh (my name), that's great! they make GOBS of money" and right there i was like "okay, bye bye THAT job." all my parents think is important in a job is that you're not working for somebody else- doctors (the government does not count, i guess), they have flexible hours- doctors (then why is dad always working at like 3 AM? uh, not connecting...) and they make gobs of money- doctors. and i'm like "what about enjoying what you do and feeling good about it and WANTING TO DO IT LIKE THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING NO DUH." and then dad says there's no perfect job and i say "that's not my point. i want to do something i WANT to do, not some job where i just make a bunch of money." i wish my parents would be supportive somehow. they never are. and that sounds extreme but it's just in the job aspect of life that they are so stubborn and just refuse to be flexible and consider that MAYBE I HATE MEDICINE SO DEAL WITH IT OKAY??? maybe i want to have a job where i earn like a moderate salary and take vacations once every five years (that would even be okay for me, as long as i got to take them at all!) and maybe i can't buy my kids everything they want all the time. that's what it's like for me a lot of the time and it makes me feel so guilty. i'm like a spoiled brat. but i don't think i'm that much of brat so screw that.
DANGIT I RHYMED AGAIN.
and i said i wanted to be an author and mom said they don't make very much money and dad agreed and i wanted to be the person who does soundtracks for movies and mom says i have to know how to play several instruments well and have a great knowledge of music and dad didn't really say anything except that there's usually more than one person on soundtrack (then why is there always one, hmm?) and then THEY ALWAYS EFFING SUGGEST THAT I SHOULD BE A DOCTOR. and i am sorry for boring you with repetetiveness, but really, it just pisses me off and this seems like a good place to vent. i am so sick of it that sometimes i just wish i had different parents to talk to about jobs that would say "oh, (benefits of the job you want)" and maybe then some downsides you should consider, and then ones that should not say "well if you want this, you should be a doctor." i have made it quite clear that medicine is boring and stupid to me and i will leave that to the people that want to be doctors.
and tonight dad suggested that i could be a teacher and i said i didn't want to- mom shot that job down a long time ago and then suggested i be a doctor oh you know how it ends- but then he said not a teacher, a professor. who teaches english at university. and i was like "hey now, there's a job". because the kids there would be all smarty-pantses who study and work and aren't screaming children or immature kids-above-12-years-old. and i could kind of be a little mean but not too mean otherwise the students will hate me and egg my house. so yeah that seems like a pretty good job to me for me- i love english and maybe then i could publish a book already! and if i wanted i could teach right here at home at the U here and be right where i grew up except it's kind of sucky here i kind of want to live in the mountains but not in BC cuz they have PST. and then i thought, as i walked into theory, why not go for the big shot- big fancy universities not in the land of sucky health care? (which has recently been changed but it's still not enough you poor insurance-less people all my experiences in your country with health care + insurance have been HORRIBLE AND COSTED US LOTS YOU PEOPLE NEED SOME SERIOUS HEALTH CARE OVERHAUL). or maybe in like italy or england or something (although i once said i wanted to live in england AND MOM SHOT THAT DOWN TOO. but she did not suggest i should be a doctor afterwards because um that was not the point but could she support me already i'm sick of them suggesting i should be a doctor!). we started italian today in modern languages and even though i still have no idea what anything is I LOVE ITALIAN for unknown reasons. it's just so.. i dunno. but i just loved it and i don't know why. too bad we're only spending two weeks on it. but then once we slog through german (not really looking forward to that) we get SPANISH YAY SOMETHING I KNOW FINALLY i took spanish for the past two years except last year it was half-year and like all the people except 3 of us hadn't taken spanish the year before (which SHOULD have been a requirement) and we did nothing and learned nothing because thanks to the stupid(JOKES)people who did not take it the previous year we had to just do review and i learned nothing and the teacher um well he was nice and that's the end of story before i say something that will be considered mean in ten years even though it's not really.
okay speaking of mean, today the girl on my team who i don't like because she's kind of mean in an annoying way (that made plenty of sense) asked "so do you still hate our team?" in science and like 2 other members of it WHO DID NOT KNOW THIS were sitting right there and i was like "thank you, i hate you now" except not out loud. i never said i hated it! okay yes i did. but that was because um YOU DID NOT PASS TO ME AND I GOT TO DO NOTHING AND WE WON AND IT WAS JUST NO FUN AT ALL!!!! which is kind of what i said except nicer. so now the nice girl on my team who i've known for like 3 years now thinks i'm some kind of nasty back-talking attention-wanting bad word. and i really hate that teammate now. i just don't like her- she's pretty pleasant most of the time, but when she's mean it's just like "um that is not socially acceptable at all" (to me anyways). and i heard a different girl on my team- er... a- talking about her today and saying she was scared of her last year to a different person from my team (that was not me oh shush) and then she said she was like scared to insult her. and i was like "exactly!" except not out loud.
okay wow that was horribly long and just wow okay.
my other friend who usually blogs on my blog-that-is-not-blogspot-that-cannot-be-seen has not been blogging and neither have i so sadly i *sniff* think that era has died along with that friendship. and that just killed uh, about 3 other ones along with it. i was friends with 4 amazing people last year and they all went to the huge school everyone goes to and i went to the dinky-one-that's-still-kind-of-big-and-so-nice-and-friendly-and-you-never-get-lost-in-it-cuz-it's-like-all-one-floor. ALL MY FRIENDS except this one girl i've known since like preschool who i'm sort of friends with and like as a person in general because she's awesome WENT THERE AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING. all my friends go away eventually. except this time they're most likely here for four years since most of the friends i have now are smart kids who will do the smart kid program (the good smart kid program). and i will see them every year LIKE THE GUY I LIKE THAT DOES NOT LIKE ME. i was trying to guess who he likes and he just will not crack. so tomorrow i'm suggesting the thing that my friends did with me- drag him around to girls in our class and see which one he reacts to. they did that to me except with guys in our class since um i'm not gay and i'm bugging the guy-i-like-that's-my-friend about being gay and trying to get him to prove it except then he rebuts with "prove you're not lesbian" and so yeah it kind of dies.
but that is what i'm going to suggest tomorrow GENIUS I TELL YOU GENIUS!
uh, now i'm going to do the following, since you really need to know this:
1)add those amazing story ideas i came up with to my VIS list
2)go see if i have any new youtubes (shut up)/texts from my friend-that-i-like (whom i texted until one AM on friday night/saturday morning)
3)see if my friend... er... i can't think of a nickname for her, but yeah her...is online.
4) read and listen to "how sweet it is" by michael buble since IT KEEPS GETTING STUCK IN MY HEAD AND IT WILL NOT LEAVE and yeah.
and maybe find "dancing in the dark" by bruce springsteen on youtube cuz it was on the oldies station during the drive to theory and a) it's a good movie song- start young! and 2) it kinda sorta reminds me of the guy i like.
ciao!
swegan :)
p.s. sorry that was such a long blog of crap.
i'm going to read it now, as usual!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

random rambles (alliteration yay!)

okay really this is not that big a deal so maybe i should change the title. nvm that i did change it. ahem anyways. last night i was texting whilst watching many movies with my sister (we watched 3, tried one, and on the last one i just turned the TV off cuz i was falling asleep) except for i got a text and then realized i forgot earth hour and felt bad about that (seriously. we tried to do that last year, my sister and i, but we were um home alone and it was dark and creepy so we kind of failed) and then i had a text from my friend-that-i-secretly-like and i texted him back, and after texting him, realized it was 1:09 AM, so he was probably not going to reply. if i had been texting him previously he probably would've still been up, considering the other night we texted from about 11 PM to 1 AM which kind of makes me think that maybe he likes me but then i wonder if he's texting his friends or not and if he laughs when i send him messages that are supposed to be funny and whether or not he's obvlivious to my sudden closeness to him. and then last night i believe i thought out loud, instead of saying it, that i loved him. but uh, was that perhaps a bit over-the-top? i don't even know. i've been trying to come up with a good definition of love for myself, but then i watch another mushy movie and it totally whomps that decision and then i have to start all over again. i think so far i've got the bit where you have to be loved back to fall in love for the first time but after that you can love somebody even if they don't love you, but i'm not sure if it's entirely true. i don't get how you're supposed to know what love is when you feel it because um, how will you ever know what you're feeling unless you know what it is?
that really made no sense but i am proud of that rambling and now i truly feel like a confusing person, which i am. before i got to this age i was thinking that all the nonsense about being confused was...well, nonsense, der, and now i'm here and holy whoa it makes perfect sense. and now everything most of the stuff my sister says is cheesy. she doesn't get it and i think she thinks i'm weird and cheesy now. because now i want to read books and text and be on the computer and watch invader zim (IT IS OKAY TO WATCH SOMETHING EVEN IF YOU HAVE JUST WATCHED IT LIKE A WEEK AGO, OKAY?? GEEZ!) and stuff and she wants to do craft projects and play with dolls (which i actually did until this year, and it was fun, trust me) and go outside and play with the dog, and i feel so mean because i just can't play with dolls or do craft projects for fun anymore. they're cheesy! and this really sucks because i want to be close to her but she's just not growing up at the moment like i am. she's still a kid. so i'm stuck in teenager-land, of liking boys and stuff like that, and she's stuck in kiddy-land, of liking dolls and stuff like that.
hello, future employer who is reading this. this is part of my past and is no longer a part of me so looking up my old blog is kind of pointless and useless, dude. so just close the window and trust me. i promise right now i will not lie to you. there. that clears up my conscience. my little sister came in and though she said not, started reading over my shoulder and reminded me that everyone can see this, then, like my mom, asked what would happen when i get a job? well, i don't have facebook/myspace/stuff like that, and about my blog-that-is-only-seeable-by-people-of-my-choosing.. if my employer hacks into that that is illegal and i will not be working for them. mom says that people will do this and that it doesn't matter, but if they say that they read my old blog, i will get up and say that that isn't viewable by everyone and that they illegally hacked into it for the stupidest reason in the world,possibly knock some stuff off their desk if i'm really pissed at them for doing that, and then slam the door on my way out, possibly. or maybe just shut it forcefully.
i have two good plot ideas for screnzy. which is in 4 days. are you sure you don't want to write with me???? PLEASE???PLEASEY PLEASEY PLEASE DO SCRIPT FRENZY WITH ME I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER?um yeah that last part was a total lie but whatever that's obvious, der. my plot ideas:
Camp Lame-o: a really dramatic thing with lots of love triangles and kissing and stuff like that. think desperate housewives but more kid-appropriate/teen-appropriate and it takes place at a camp. also, the counsellors, Sally and Mical, would have a secret love for each other and perhaps the kids would help them with that.
Terror in Tiny Town: this title just keeps coming back to me even though it kind of has nothing to do with the story. it's the same kind of idea as above, but with less love triangles. it's kind of like the music man, except it's my teddy bear, teddy sweaters, that moves to stuffyville (yay awesome town name!) and starts liking people and kind of stirring them up. think the music man but slightly different.
i went to see my sister's school's production of the music man cuz her friends were in it (she was not) and um the kid who played the music man was quite cute and i feel weird for thinking that cuz he's probably like 2 years younger than i am and at my age THAT'S A LOT. perhaps if i was say 32 that would not be so much because for grownups if you're about 5 years apart or less it's the same thing based on all the movies i've seen.
ah, my philosophies.
i asked my friends last year if i was philosophical and i don't think they got it, maybe they did, but i was bugging them or something. i was a horrible friend, truly. i am a horrible friend. i talk about myself too much and i interrupt people and they're all so nice to me and NOW I'M SAD AGAIN.
time to go put strikethroughs in the appropriate venues places.
ttyl,
swegan :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

7 days to the screnzy!

i like my background-where-the-font-goes being dark, because then i can use bright colours. and i love bright colours.
it's like my whole goal to be a happy person and make other people happy and believe that my team can do it.
except when they like don't even need me too cuz we've got the person i've nicknamed "mr. steroids" on our team even though he doesn't do steroids. he's like crazy good at everything in gym, and at playing defense in bodyball, which is what we're playing.
i was on the amazing red team until we just got new teams today and now i'm on this team where we're winning without even trying because we have all these people i will nickname by letters like algebra for your convenience- mr. steroids, a, c, d, and t. and they're insanely good. i miss my old team. i scored more than half the points and m1 was on my team and we were both all spirit-y and we cheered on red- i miss team red! now i'm on sucky lame team yellow. today when blue got their first point, they were ecstatic and right then and there i wanted to be on their team. they were losing so badly (we had like 18 at the end of class/the end of the round-robin and they had 2. but one team had 1) but they were having so much fun and everybody got a chance to have the ball and they worked together and on my team i kept thinking they were passing it to me and then they'd pass it to another person on our team. because somehow everyone was always standing RIGHT BEHIND ME. and by the end of class i was so depressed and just yuck.
and it doesn't even matter that during one game the two other teams on the sideline were cheering "let's go yellow!" which is a clever rhyme and all. i hate my team. we suck. next class we continue the tournament for cafeteria cookies.
i don't want to win! i wish we'd have a horrible losing streak, so that we'd have to work super hard. i didn't even sweat. WORST GYM CLASS EVER. you need to pass to everyone and make them feel important, no matter how horrible they are at catching. i can't really help it now, can i?
except i just look like a big fat meanie now because i was talking the "target" that we throw the bodyball at (it's safe, don't worry) about missing my old team and i think now she thinks i'm some sort of horrible person who hates our team PERSONALLY. and i don't like her anyways cuz when she was in my science group she made me write the whole effing conclusion and she seems really stuck-up to me, but in a subtle way and i just don't like her. and i don't hate my team personally. i just miss all the fun spirity stuff and my old team who appreciated my cheering. my team now didn't laugh with me and cheer as well or anything. they just kept playing. especially mr. steroids. he's a horrible player to have to me, because he's so effing GOOD AT EVERYTHING HE DOES AND HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO EFFING TRY. he's just annoyingly gifted. poop.
except i kind of liked him at the beginning of the year and like him just a weensy bit now (note i said weensy) and then today in science when we moved groups, when i stayed he stayed and when i got up to move so did he even though i think he could have stayed.
enough about that.
i had a french test today and it was so easy except for two three things. a) the thing on classroom instructions- i didn't know we were supposed to know those! argh! 2) i could not remember what cloudy was so i wrote foggy. i guess he could admit that's a mistake. or not. it's "il fait sombre" for cloudy, right? GRRR! and last) i'm a little worried i messed up on some ER verb conjugation.
my friend w is right. we should just learn french like we learn english. DUH.
other classes=did nothing, except we got our social papers back and I GOT 100% ON MINE, SUPERYAY! that's 30/30! i was so happy! i was doing a little happy dance and then my teacher had to say my name to get my attention. except then as soon as he looked away i started happy-dancing again. i was so so so so so so so happy! you can't even imagine. i was so nervous and then i got 100%! 100%! yay!
social. i love it. because i always think i'm going to fail and then my mark is fantastic. that's like 2 100%'s in a row. maybe 3. i am on a ROLL.
maybe it's because i work harder because i'm afraid i'll fail?
i should apply this to my other classes. like modern languages. maybe then i wouldn't fail at that so much.
we're going to learn german now. WAH I WANT TO LEARN SPANISH I TOOK IT FOR A YEAR AND THEN FOR HALF A YEAR EXCEPT DURING THE HALF A YEAR PART THERE WERE LIKE 3 OR 4 OF US THAT HAD TAKEN SPANISH THE YEAR BEFORE SO WE JUST REVIEWED EVERYTHING REALLY.
i want to go to bed but i'm having trouble breathing. my throat's all swollen and i have athsma. BAD COMBINATION.
it's been like this for awhile.
do i need my tonsils out?
i hope not. needles scare me. and to take my tonsils out they'd have to put me to sleep with a needle.
can't i just get the kiddy mask?
goodnight. i hope i last it.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

stuff i don't get. also, HELLO :)

ooooh periwinkle. there was a cat named periwinkle on blues clues.
she was, uh, periwinkle.
so anyways, my friend said she made a new blog and i hadn't read it but that's because i really just don't blog anymore. strange how this happens. but it seems my life has developed more interesting pursuits.
DUMBED DOWN: i don't blog no more cuz i got better stuffs to do.
DUMBER THAN DUMB: me no blog me go do fun.
anyways, screnzy is in 8 days (not even since today is over- that makes it 7!) and i have my script all planned out. it may be major fail- if yes, then i turn the script into 100 page novel and do that and be a screnzy rebel instead- el mucho easier. i hate formatting scripts and i don't have any fancy-shmancy scripting software cuz, uh, IT COSTS MONEY. and i already get everything i want so no. i do not think they care about formatting anyways, so yay. my script's a TV series about camp lame-o (name help plz?) which is a lame camp until the campers of the summer of 2010 arrive and then drama and then kissing and yeah. there's going to be a guy in there TOTALLY based on this guy in my class who all the girls like, but, um, he appears to be completely oblivious to this. this character's name is very close to the real person's name as well. it is john. change the last two letters and voila. it's the real guys name.
ATTENTION REAL GUY, YOU HAVE A CHARACTER HALF-BASED ON YOU, THIS MAKES YOU SPECIAL K?
OMG like the cereal. cereal man!
anyways, stuff i don't get. mainly, it's how girls can walk into school in the morning with their bangs and hair all perfect and no matter how windy it is THEIRS NEVER WHIPS UP AND BLOWS BACK REVEALING THEIR ENORMOUS FOREHEAD. which is what happens to me. and then in movies all the time, their hair is always straight even if it's like 5 feet long! (note to self: never watch "legally blondes" again. but "legally blonde" is GREAT OMG YAY love that movie GIRL POWER anyways). and then whenever i try to straighten my hair it never goes as perfect as all the other girls'. is there a special place where they learn this stuff? or does this just magically run in their family?
my hair is fine and i used to have very little but now i have a whole bunch of it and it's always tangled and slightly wavy so that this wispy bang thing on one side of my face sticks out and then long pieces of hair fall out of my ponytail when they should not. bad hair. stay in. I USED A STAYPUT ELASTIC!!! WTF??? aren't those supposed to, um, work?
another thing: LOVE. i am under my impression that you cannot fall in love until you are loved back for the first time and are in a happy relationship for at least a day. (shut up). after that, you can fall in love with someone even if they don't love you back. before, the second bit didn't apply- you were only in love if they loved you back. but then now i'm thinking, do people just fall in love and then nothing ever happens? am I in love? i highly doubt it. but maybe that's because my whole life i've been cautious with the words "like" and "love" when it applies to the person you like, because, uh, "love" holds sort of a more permanent meaning than "like". which is a light and airy term, sort of like my health teacher in grade seven said. except he was referring to "theme 5". ur, this was also the same teacher who said *immature giggle* words relating to that unit (er, body parts, omg wow i fail :) and he told us he wasn't afraid to say them to us. and then when we went out for a walk&talk-lap-around-the-school-thingie, before he sent us out he said "when we come back- makin' babies" except he said it all cool and then the immature guys laughed and my friend and i were like "really? some mature teacher."
better than my eighth grade gym teacher, i guess. he was a real jerk. and i'm not kidding. in badminton, he used to smash it AT people. and only girls. because they knew him really well... OMG THEY CALLED HIM PAT and that was not his name but THAT IS MY SOCIAL TEACHER'S NAME OMG HAHAH! imagining the two of them meeting is not cool. gym guy would be all insulty and laughing and i don't know what mr. social teacher would do.
sigh. um, well, i have to pee, and then read the new chapter of the other person's blog i reads blog wait no. my other follower's blog.
ta!
swegan :)

Monday, March 8, 2010

screnzy

i would make that link directly to wwww.scriptfrenzy.org but i can't do that since i fail. :D lol.
but seriously, folks. COME WITH ME ON THE CHALLENGE!!!
my username on the frenzy website is swegan, no duh. and also, there's NANOWRIMO (national novel writing month) in november. 50 000 words for those of you 14+!!! that includes me :) so who's gonna do it with me?
if you said yes: YEAH! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!
if you said no: dude. why? you're gunna miss all the fuuuuuuuuuun...
my script is currently a scripted documentary.
also, please go to forums and scroll to the very bottom. click on "games and procrastination" and then click on "last post". scroll to the bottom. hit "2" or "last". scroll to the bottom again, and the last, uh, maybe 8-10 comments are all an incredible last-post war.
WIN!
-swegan :)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

i am LAME

why no, you (hopefully) say to me. you are most certainly NOT lame.
well, yes i am. i got home and i had an email from youtube service. i got a youtube-mail-thingie! and then i sent one right back. and they sent one back saying they were going out for awhile. and now i'm sitting here kind of waiting for them to come back :/ fail. i should not be so completely psycho.
HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA!!! how about i do my math homework? "'cause when we use our minds, and take a step at a time, we can do, anything..... that we wanna do". that is now my motto for life problems. i will sing that to my teenagers. i will sing that to my husband (when i get one). i will sing that to my class when we're stumped for an answer (okay maybe not the last one).
and after i am done my math homework (linear relations- we've started with patterns, ugh, easy but takes forever) i will maybe do that researching thingie for les cowboys fringants, which is my modern languages project. and then maybe study for science. and maybe then they'll be online.
no wait, that's still lame. i'm still just killing time.
poop.
well, i'm going to do homework anyways.
bye :)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

WHEEEEt

no, the t is completely intentional. and yes, i realize wheeeet is not a word.
wow, i can't see this colour. so this will be short.
FOR THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON i have not been doing my somewhat non-existent homework and have been emailing my friend on youtube- my youtube inbox is nice and full now! plus, this friend also happens to be the person i sort of like. which is why he must never know of this blog. ever.
SCHOOL TOMORROW OMG YAY but i have foods. and even though we're cooking, i'm not looking forward to it.
I NEED TO FIND A VCR LIKE NOW. I HAVE A BLUES CLUES VHS THAT I NEED TO PLAY!!!
now i'm bored and going to sleep. maybe i'm dreading tomorrow because a) i'm tired and 2) there's no lunch tomorrow. i like lunch!!
SOCIALIZATION!!!
bye now. wow, that blog was incredibly short for me. and i don't mean incredibly figuratively.
-swegan :)

Monday, March 1, 2010

sigh

ARGH. pronounce that exaggeratedly and you get my mood. AYARGEHEH. sort of like that. or, you could just make a really long whining/groaning noise. today in math we switched out of our groups back to the boring seating plan we had before christmas. yuck yuck yuck. i sat in an AWESOME group last time, and it was made even more awesome for like two weeks because the guy that i like but kind of don't anymore sat there. so just to be clear for the person who is in my class AND my old math group who i gave the link out to: i don't like them anymore.
of course, now it's someone else, but, ahem, that's a secrety secret.
"THE MOST SECRETY SECRET..IN ALL OF SECRETDOM!!" -patrick off of spongebob
so. i have been thinking about this person who i like now but don't want to like because that would ruin our current relationship most of the afternoon. urm. and today one of my friends was like "Do you like ______?" and i was like "no... why would i? he's my friend. i like him THAT way. as a friend" and she was just wondering because she said she's known him since grade three and that it would be cute if someone liked him. well, guess what? LIFE'S CUTE NOW. grrr.
and the annoying thing is that i can't tell any of my friends because they'd think it's weird. but after that thing emily said today, maybe it wouldn't be so awkward. i could (be selfish and get attention by) randomly say (ing) "guys, it's emily who's psychic now too" except now that i think about it, no. that's a bad idea. i could, when they ask me, simply say i have moved on. as in to someone else. because for awhile there (like 3 days) i did like two people at once but i can't do that. it goes against my little beliefs that i made up.
argh. i should go do theory now. right, right.
sorry to tempt you all with interesting info! just be lucky you're not my other blog readers. they ("they" being one of my old friends) will be terribly curious. although when i stop mentioning this one person's name and referring to it as ______ (which is the correct number of underscores for each letter of their name, btw, not just a random length). from ____ to ______. what a day.
yer pal,
swegan :p